Take A Chance- 5

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Here for another chapter! I would like a full review, because I kind of need to know if my story is going in the right direction. But please, don't be mean. I'm a sixteen year old writer here, not a professional. Oh and there's some swearing... I rated it 18 because of that. I won't take it out, because it's who the characters are, so if you don't like it, ignore it. :)

Chapter 5


Cole and I were sitting on the couch, talking. I don’t really know how we ended up like this. I don’t remember much between walking from school and now. But the one thing was certain; I hadn’t been with Cole at that moment. When I asked him what he was doing here, he said that I had invited him over to do some project we had in chem. But right now, we weren’t doing that project. Actually, we weren’t even talking about it. Cole had just asked me if I was interested in any guy.

“Well... it’s pretty complicated.” I said, not wanting to tell him anything, but wanting him to know I wasn’t totally free. Right now, his arm was on the back of the couch and his fingertips were barely touching my shoulder, but I still felt incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t know what I really wanted. Sometimes when I looked into his eyes... well I just wanted him to kiss me. But other times I was repulsed by cockiness and how he acted with other people. I have to admit that I flirted with him, and that probably encourage him of doing the same, but I couldn’t seem to make my mind.

“Aw, I see. Love is a complicated matter,” he said, smiling at me. I looked quickly away, feeling that strange attraction once again.

“So, what do you think of the girls here?” I asked to him after an awfully long moment of silence.

“I was knocked away with the beauty of a young lady, I might say,” he said. I was always surprised to hear him talk so beautifully. It always confused me, that one second he could be talking like anybody and the next he will sound like a charming prince of the medieval times.

“Who is it?” I asked, slowly, looking up to him.

“She looks just like you,” he said, a smile playing on his lips. He cocked his head slowly to the left. His lips were just inches from mine and I couldn’t keep my eyes to travel to them every second.

“Uh, hi?” At the sound of his voice I jumped back from Cole. I could feel my face burning hot. Liam was standing in the doorway. A few seconds later, Ben had joined him. They were both looking at me accusingly. I opened my mouth to talk but then closed it. I didn’t know what to say.

“Hey, was up?” Cole asked, talking like they had been friends for a long time.

“What are you doing here?” Liam asked, his voice barely a rumble.

“We’re doing a project, right Alicia?” He said, looking at me and smiling. His arm was back around me, but this time his fingertips were pressed against my shoulder, drawing little circles there.

“Get out.” Liam was pointing at the door.

“What’s the problem? Alicia invited me...”

“I said get out!” Liam was yelling now, his face was flushed.

“Liam... What?” I heard my brother whisper in the silence that followed. I couldn’t talk, I was too shocked. How could Liam do this to Cole when he didn’t even know him? And besides it wasn’t even his house.

“You need to chill brother,” Cole said. He always seems to know what to say.

“I’m not your brother and I won’t chill ‘til you’re out of this fucking house,” Liam said, his eyes narrowing. Then he saw Cole’s arm around my shoulders. His face changed for a second, but it was too fast for me to understand his expression.
Seeing that neither I nor Cole was moving he turned to Ben.

“Okay, I want you out when I’m at three,” my brother said looking at us. I heard Cole sigh heavily at my side

“One...”

“I guess I got to go...”

“Two.”

“See you tomorrow,” Cole said in my ear and kissed me on the cheek. Before I knew, he was on his feet and out the door.

“Three,” I heard Ben say. An uncomfortable silence was building between us and I still didn’t know what to say. But then I realized that Liam wasn’t here anymore. I looked at Ben, confused. That’s when I saw that Liam was standing outside, in front of Cole. I ran to the door, throwing myself at it to open it. Ben was following me closely.

The fresh air filled my lungs, giving me the strength to yell into the silence.

“Stop it!” I said, jogging to where the two guys were facing each other. Liam was shivering like a leaf and starring at Cole. This one, though, was almost smiling.

“Stay away from them. From me. Or else...” Liam said his voice deep and grave.

“Whoa, look at you man, you’re about to burst,” Cole was now laughing. Liam started toward him and pushed him on the shoulders. Cole didn’t move.

“I’m not scared of you. I’m much stronger then you and if you don’t want me to show you, you’d better go, right now,” he said. After a few seconds, Liam hadn’t moved, so Ben got to him and pulled him back. He was still shivering intensely, like he was freezing but outside, the sun was shining and it was warm. I turned to him, looking at him closely. He didn’t look too good. His face was a shade too green and his skin was covered with sweat. When I turned back to talk to Cole, he was gone.

“Okay, c’mon. You don’t look good...” I heard Ben say behind me.

“I’m okay. I just... I need to show you something,” Liam answered, pulling my brother by the arm. After a few steps, they both turned to me.

“You’re coming?” Ben asked. I nodded and ran to join them. Liam bought us to our backyard and then placed himself so he was facing the two of us.

“I know it’s crazy, but you have to believe me, okay? And don’t scream or runaway please. I swear I’m not gonna hurt you guys.” After these words, he ran to the little bushes on the right side of the house. Ben looked at me, his questioning eyes mirroring mine. Than a big wolf came out after a few minutes. He was the color of Liam hair, brown with glints of blond and red. I didn’t scream, or runaway, just like he wanted. I just stood there, looking at him, and then turning to Ben and back again. The next time that I looked at Liam, he was gone, a figure visible in the bushes. He came out and I could see that he had stopped shivering.

“I’m a werewolf... And your friend Cole bit me. Oh and sorry, it’s kinda R rated when I change…” Liam said to us.

“What? No it’s impossible, werewolves don’t exist… They exist in fairy tales, where they get transformed in prince charming in the end, not in the real life.” Ben’s voice was neutral, not showing any emotions. It was almost like he hadn’t seen what had just happened to his friend.

“They do, you just saw me change…”

“No it couldn’t be. I mean… they’re mythical creatures…” Ben was shaking his head.

“Okay then, do u want me to do it again, prove it to you that it is true?” Ben didn’t answer, starring at Liam. I was in the side lines, watching everything. I was feeling just like Ben, the surprise, the denial… It couldn’t be true, but then he did change just in front of us. He was standing there and then he wasn’t anymore, a wolf had replaced him.

Liam nodded and a small smile was creeping on his lips when he did it again. This time he took his shoes, his shirt and his pants off, only in boxers. He changed just like that, turning in a wolf. He stayed like that longer, walking around us in a tight circle. His paws were making close to no noise on the earth where he walked. He sat down at my feet, his eyes fixed on Ben. His fur was moving, brushing along my legs. A growl escaped his muzzle, and then he was up again, padding silently to the bushes once again. It took only a few seconds and then I could see once again his head popped up in the bushes.

“Can you… I’m kinda…” He didn’t finish his sentence, his hands motioning soundlessly to the bushes, where his body was concealed. Ben’s lips stretched in a grin and he nodded. He had understood what his friend had wanted to say. He was naked, and he needed clothes.

“Yeah, I’m on my way,” Ben ran to the back door and closed it behind him, leaving me alone with Liam.

“So, do you trust me?” His voice was gentle almost inaudible across the garden, where I was standing. I nodded, not trusting my voice. I had too, did I? He had just change before my eyes, letting no space for tricks and lies… The back door opened again, letting Ben run across the lawn a pair of boxers in hand. He bent down, hands grabbing Liam’s clothing that were still where he had been minutes ago. He handed them to Liam.

“Thanks.”

“Hey, it’s okay, dude. But if you don’t mind, I would like to know all this shit…” Ben said, while Liam put on his clothing. He got out of the bushes, underwear and jeans safely on, his t-shirt in hands. He pulled it on, and then took his shoes but didn’t put them on.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” said Liam, walking to the door. We followed him to the house and sat on the couch without a word.

And that’s how we sat there, talking for hours. Liam talked about how he was just walking home from the concert when Cole had grabbed him from behind and had bit him. Apparently he had woken up the next afternoon, burned out and in a strange house. There, a guy helped him to get back up on his legs and taught him about the werewolves. Nate, that’s his name, had found Liam lying in the park close to our house and had brought him home, seeing that he had a bite. He stopped at this part, looking at the window and getting up.

“Wait, I want to know the rest.” Ben said, putting his hand up. But Liam didn’t stop. Instead he said,

“Your parents are there, I better go.” I left them say goodbye.

I had a feeling that I wasn’t really meant to be there and that I shouldn’t have heard all this. Plus, it didn’t really seem real. Werewolves didn’t exist. They are just a myth, something you tell to children so they don’t go out at night alone. But somehow, Liam’s face had been so… Sad? Miserable? Distressing? Or even poignant. He didn’t hesitate, telling his story in details. He had been so vivid, and I trusted him. The best way, I thought, is to forget all about it. If he wanted you to talk about it openly and know everything, he was going to talk about it himself.
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Werewolves?
Although i loved the twist, and the fact that you brought in the fantasy element this far in, you have to make sure it flows correctly, now it just seems to be shoved in there, somewhat of an afterthought
Maybe have them be talking about all those mythological creatures before you bring it in.
Written Wonderfully~
Write On
~WickedWonder

(PS-I'm Team Cole!)
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




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It was good, but I kinda agree with WickedWonder. I think you kinda shoved in the whole thing about werewolves. Maybe have Liam fighting with Cole about it and then explain to Ben and Alicia about what happened. I'm glad you put in another chapter and wait for the next one. Keep writing!

Sierra :mrgreen:
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
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The werewolves weren't just thrown in there. It's part of the whole story... You're not far enough to truly understand what is the impact. I'm sorry to leave you hanging there, but you'll understand it all later on in the novel. :)

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Hey theotherone,

One thing is, yeah, werewolves were kind of sudden. Now I'm not saying it's totally messing up the story because it is the story, right? But you can't just do that, I mean you can, you did. But it's kind of weird when you just are like arm over couch, almost kiss, Liam mad, almost fight, OH MY GOSH HE'S A WEREWOLF! For some reason it seemed to me as if you kind of rushed through most of it to get to the werewolf part. Which I totally understand, I do it all the time. SO you've got that part done, now go back and revise the other stuff! And after the whole changing thing I kind of lost interest. Don't get me wrong, I don't think this is bad at all. It was interesting. But also, in the previous chapters it seemed like Ben was always in on everything, like they had this little secret that both him and Liam knew about. You know? And this chapter he just seemed... out of the loop. You know what I mean?

But the werewolf thing. I salute you, you're brave to try to take on this assignment young soldier. But for me, I'm just done with the whole werewolf vampire stuff. Don't let that tie your panties in a knot. No, I did not just tell you that your story sucks. It's good. I just think the werewold thing is cliche. And I know I keep saying this, I'm just trying to stress the importance. YOU DO NOT HAVE A CLICHE SUCKY STORY! Thanks, that's all I had to say.

Geez, I just keep going on and on and on. lol, but yeah. Keep writing.... lol, wow, I'm all wacked up on cold meds so.. yeah.

-iheartbooks♥
"As the hungry are deprived of food, I am deprived of sympathy for those who deprive me of my sanity." ~Anonymous




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Hey I quite like your story but slow down! i mean i'm just getting to know your characters an then BAM werewolves. Also
he's a shape-shifter not a werewolf (sorry if you think i'm bieng picky). Maybe you could leave the werewolf/shape-shifter thing out of this chapter. it could be a bit like a mystery. you know string it along a bit. that would give us a chance to re-adjust to this new twist. but i agree this story
is not cliche.
Hope you like my review PM me if you have any enquires.

Kitty
"It is better to write for yourself and have no public than to write for the public and have no self."




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This is really awesome! I love the unexpeected twist!
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead :o <3




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Kayla Here,

Soo um what?! I'm so confussed! How does the werewolf thing fit in with the rest of the storty. I supposed I'll just keep reading...

Just,,. WHAT?!

--Kaylaa
The closest friends are the ones you'd take a bullet for, but they're the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well<33--Alex Gaskarth

"So take my life I'll had it to you, you can try on these clothes but you can't fill these shoes,"-- Poison-All Time Low



It is only a novel... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey