Taboo [11]

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Chapter Eleven (Liliah)

Love seeketh not Itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives it ease,
and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.

~Blake, William

~~~

I twirled the spoon around the ice cubes in the sweating glass. Peering out the kitchen window, Luke was mowing the lawn again. His shirt off…
In all honesty, I tried not to be bothered by it. His body, eyes, voice, and touch. However here I was, staring without him noticing like some psycho perverted sister. He stopped, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his shirt that was tucked into his khaki shorts. Taking a step back from the red grass eater, he turned and spotted me.
I shied away, looking down and pretended to be ever so interested in the iced tea I was making for him. A few seconds later, the door opened and he walked in. Inhaling the scent of freshly cut grass and sweat, I gulped.
“Is that for me?” he asked, leaning on the counter.
Raising the cup to him, I nodded, flashing my eyes on his hard body. God, I hated myself.
“Thanks, munchkin,” he said with a smirk, putting the rim to his mouth.
“Stop calling me munchkin,” I retorted.
“Why?”
“It’s so childish, and I’m not a kid. I am a woman.”
He let out a laugh. “You, a woman? That’s funny; all I see is a short six year-old.” He ruffled my hair.
I tried to think of name I could call him but failed. Instead, I switched the subject. “I can’t believe mom’s making you cut the grass when it’s your birthday,” I mumbled.
“The last time I cut it was months ago,” he shrugged. “I don’t mind. I need to do something.”
I frowned. “You always do favors for her, don’t you?”
“She’s the mom. I have to do it.”
I crossed my arms and looked at him. “So, what do you want for your eighteenth birthday?” I asked. It wasn’t the first time I asked, I had been bugging him all week about it but I always got the same response. By now, I had already brought him a gift but I still wanted to know what he wanted. Luke’s birthday was today, actually, he explained to me that he didn’t know when his real birthday was, so the orphanage just gave him a date according to the day he entered the orphanage. I couldn’t help but feel that it was sad day, not something worth celebrating at all.
“Well, I actually wish I didn’t have such an annoying, pestering sister like you,” he replied with a smile.
“That’s mean,” I pouted angrily, “seriously.” I knew he was teasing me and to my disgrace, I enjoyed it.
He turned around. “I don’t need anything,” he said, setting the cup in the sink and walking towards the living room. He spun around and pointed at finger at me. “No…celebration either.” He narrowed his eyes.
Without consent, my eyes pondered down his waist, where his shorts hung to the point where I could see the tips of his boxers. I grit my teeth and spun around, grabbing the edge of the counter and smacking my head down. Not him! Out of everyone, not him!
I went back to my room, grabbed a pillow and bit the ends of it. Luke was driving me insane, pulling me down into the darkest depths of the ocean to the point where I was struggling for air but couldn’t exactly die. I told myself a thousand times it was just a psychical attraction, which would be brief. Of course I was lying; he had me head over heels, whispering in my ear during movies, holding my hand when we tried to move through the crowded hallways at school, teasing me, laughing with me and talking with me like we were more than…just that.
I shut my eyes, trying to calm my possessed heart. It’s wrong. Totally, without a doubt, wrong!, I told myself. When my heart refused to quite down, I thought how disturbed I was to think such things of my brother. How would people look at us? How could I face myself? It was then, my heart finally silenced and I took in a breath. I needed a scapegoat, someone who could get my eyes off of Luke and back into reality.
~~~

“Happy birthday, dear Lucas, happy birthday to you,” Mom and I sang. I lifted one of those cheesy whistles to my lips and blew, letting out a terrible sound that mimicked a crying cat.
Luke blinked, staring at us like mad women. The kitchen had the dim lights on and the candles on his round vanilla cake danced, causing slightly moving shadows across the table.
“I didn’t want…” He looked over at our crazy hats and smiling faces and replied, “A celebration.” He flashed his eyes at me and I looked up and away.
“Well, that’s too bad,” Mom replied, with a grin, “it’s your first birthday with us and it must be celebrated with the family!” She clapped her hands together like a child and took out a camera. “Let’s make some memories!”
He let out a groan and walked towards the table. “This is embarrassing, really.”
I pushed the cake towards him. “It’s your favorite, vanilla.”
He met my eyes and I bit my lip, forcing a casual expression and hoping that I wasn’t see-through at the same time. The camera’s flash went off, brightening the room for just a second.
“Blow the candles,” I told him, pointing at the cake.
Putting his hands inside his jeans he leaned over the table.
“Don’t forget to make a wish,” I reminded. And for a concise second, I saw the corner of his lip lift into a smirk before he blew the candles, releasing lines of smoke.
In next the hour, we ate and opened presents. My got him a new iphone, which made me jealous and Luke taunted it in front me, making me smear some cake on his new shirt. Of course he was unhappy so he shoved some cake in my mouth, making me almost choke. Mom scolded him but she laughed anyway. In the end, I saved enough money from working to buy him an expensive…
“A scarf?” he asked, lifting the long wool and studying the pattern of grey colors.
“Since winter’s coming up, I decided to buy you something to stay warm.”
He stared at it, lifting it to his eye level and feeling it. “Looks nice…” he winked at me. “Thanks, munchkin.”
My heart fluttered and I was extremely glad it was still dark otherwise my burning cheeks would have been visible to him.
“Oh, Liliah, that’s so sweet,” Mom cooed.
I shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to get.”
We wrapped the remainder of the day by watching a movie together. Luke kept poking me, making stupid comments and even ruined the entire plot of the movie by predicting what was going to happen. Mom said she wasn’t going to watch movies with Luke anymore. Of course, that was a lie.
Afterward, mom went to bed and Luke and I went back to our rooms. I flicked off the light to my room and just as I was about to crawl in my bed, I heard a shout and something fall on the other side of the wall.
“Aw! Fuucc-!”
I quickly scurried and opened the door to Luke’s room. “You okay?” I asked, taking a step in. Luke was on his bed, looking at his palm with a cringing expression. My eyes darted to the floor where there was shards of glass sprawled across it.
“Don’t move,” he whispered to me. “Otherwise you’ll get hurt. Just get some towels and a broom, I’ll clean it up.”
Luke’s room wasn’t really a room before, it was more of an office so he had hard wood flooring, and of course something could break if it fell. Focusing my gaze on his palm, I saw a streak of blood dripping down his wrist. I gulped. “Luke, you’re hurt. I’ll clean it and get a first aid kit.”
“Liliah-”
It was too late. I already dashed around and went downstairs. Quietly tiptoeing to the kitchen closet, I pulled out a broom and grabbed a towel roll. I slithered back to the stairs, not wanting to wake up Mom since she slept early.
When I got back to the room, Luke wasn’t there but I heard the faucet running in the bathroom nearby. Quickly getting to work, I swept the glass remains and then went down on my knees, cleaning the floor and making sure no pieces were left. After that, I found the first aid kit underneath a shelf in the hallway closet.
Luke came back into the room, stilling holding his palm up. His eyes roamed the floor. “Damn, you’re fast.”
“I have the kit, let me see the cut,” I ordered, ignoring him.
“The bleeding won’t stop…I feel incredibly emo right now,” he laughed, taking a seat next to me.
I took his hand by the wrist and pulled his palm forward towards me. I studying the long red cut, it was thin but deep, causing it to leak blood without rest. I opened up the kit and pulled out a tube. “This should help,” I said, dabbing the ointment onto his warm hand.
A hiss made it out his lips.
“Does it hurt?”
“Mmm, only a little,” he replied.
As bandaged his wound, I snuck a peek at him. His eyes were on mine, completely unmoving and his lips were parted slightly. I tried to dislike the way he was watching me, but I was lying to myself. Hesitantly, I finished wrapping his palm because he was making my heart slowly crescendo.
And then he leaned in, slowly tilting his head and all I could focus on were his lips as they touched mine. He kissed me slowly and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like I was flying, soaring high…breathing. I dropped his hand and he tightened his fingers around my waist, pushing himself against my body.
Our lips, dancing against one another, brought out the demon in me. I wanted it so bad, to love him more than I loved anyone before. My legs wrapped around his waist and his kisses hardened, causing a blistering heat of sensation to envelop me.
Closing my eyes, I wanted to surrender, to forget rules and obligations. To set fire on that label called ‘brother’.
How selfish.
In the darkness of my eyelids, a picture of my mother’s sweet smiling face flashed. I froze. Then shaking my head, I pushed him off of me. “No!”
He quickly lifted himself, his eyes still held the flames of passion but he strictly pulled his hands away. “Liliah…”
“It’s wrong,” I said in a stutter, shaking my head. “It’s a taboo, a sin.”
“But we’re not blood related,” Luke answered in a whisper.
Tear bubbles formed at the corners of my eyes and I covered my mouth. “But mom,” I sobbed. “I can’t.”
Without giving him a chance to say a word, I hastily got up and ran to my room, shutting the door behind me. My back slid against the wooden door as I dropped to the floor. My finger touched my lips and I gave an involuntary shiver.
What have I done?
_________________________________________
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Last edited by Shearwater on Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Hey Pink,
I loved it. And just so we're clear I loved it last time too, I guess I just thought it would be more dramatic so I was a little sad when it wasn't. Keep up the good work!

Sierra :mrgreen:
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Hi there. :)

I couldn’t help but feel that it was a sad day, not something worth celebrating at all.


Putting his hands inside his jeans he leaned over the table.

Did you mean inside his pockets?

My mom got him a new Iphone, which made me jealous and Luke taunted it in front me, making me smear some cake on his new shirt.


As I bandaged his wound, I snuck a peek at him.


Oh... That was intense! And good. Beautifully written, like always. And close to no mistakes, which doesn't surprise me. I'm kind of getting tired of saying that I love it and I want to read more... And I figure you know it anyways. ;)

Keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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You are a genius. Simple as that. I thought it was just dramatic enough, I absolutely adored how you described the kiss, everything was perfect. Don't change it. I mean it. I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow




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I have shivers...
That's all I got to say.

Keep it up, it's wonderful :)
-Truth-
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Wow. It's amazing how fast you guys get to this :)
Thanks for the comments! I'm fixing those little mistakes, Other1, thanks for pointing them out.

~Shear
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This was amazinggggggg! When I finished reading it I felt like i had to come up for air :D
It actually caused me pain.. I felt her pain.
The beginning was brilliant
The middle was fantastic
And the ending was epic.
Please please write more!




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Oh my goodness! so intense! I love this chapter. Really I do. Like Denia, I felt her pain...I don't think I would have been able to control myself if it were me. Please write more, I need to read more! :) Love it love it love it!

~Rent
There's only now, there's only here. Give into love, or live in fear. ~Jonathan Larson's RENT




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I loved it! Please tell me that you continuing on with Liliah and Luke? Please! Its so beautiful, and I can't wait to read more, although I did wonder what would happen if they did admit their feelings for each other...Luke is right their not blood related...but I agree with Liliah too, it would be weird...other than that it was great!
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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Hey Pink. I am back again for again going to disappoint you. I don't have much to say again.

When my heart refused to quite down, I thought how disturbed I was, thinking such things of about my brother.


“Happy birthday, dear Lucas, happy birthday to you!” Mom and I sang.


I lifted one of those cheesy whistles to my lips and blew, letting out a terrible sound that mimicked a crying cat.
Aw, I liked he comparison with cat.

Afterwards, mom went to bed and Luke and I went back to our rooms.


I had already dashed around and went downstairs.


I studying the long red cut, it was thin but deep, causing it to leak blood without rest.
I haven't read someone say before 'I studying'. Probably you missed on the 'was' word in between or should have written 'studied'.

Now, and now, this was a very good chapter, a solid edifice of their relationship. My only problem here was that since you're using double POVs, in the next chapter you won't get to explain more of Li's emotions to us since looking at the chapter I think she is more concerned about this that Luke is. I think you should get a second part of the same chapter, or else continue it right here because if you write another chapter from Li's POV then it is going to disturb the sequence and the rhythm you had picked up by doing alternative POVs. So I think that's the basic problem I would say I have in this chapter. Just write how she felt, like some lightning has fallen upon her. Okay?

My other nit-pick here would be with the word 'Mom'. It was just once that you made the 'M' here capital but at other places it was with a short 'm'. I am not actually quite sure of which manner is right one to follow, so just make it uniform, like use one style only. My other small thing would be that I think chapter wise it was perfect, but don't you think now that this all has happened so quickly? I think like I said before you could have waited at least two chapters more to get this scene and their emotions unravelled. So, I am being a total useless here. My other minute comment would be that I have seen earlier too that you have very small mistakes that are not likely to be out of knowledge but out of care. You should proof-read the piece(which I hardly do. lol.) atleast twice before posting it up here. So, good luck with the next chapter, and let me know what you think of my comments.

Ciao.

~Shubhi
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

— Paramore




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Pink! Ta-da! I'm heeeeeeeeeere!

Well, obviously I've been beaten! I'm not first or second or even third. Meh! THat's ok. I won't be useless, I promise. *nods solemnly*

He let out a laugh. “You, a woman? That’s funny; all I see is a short six year-old.” He ruffled my hair
Ok, this bothers me. DId you mean a short sixteen year old? Because if not, well, of course a six year old is short. I don't get what his taunting is. Maybe because in his mind he sees her as pesky and he pictures her as a six year old? (although we know that's not true). Maybe just cut the short part?

By now, I had already brought him a gift but I still wanted to know what he wanted.
I think you mean 'bought', not 'brought'.

Luke’s birthday was today, actually, he explained to me that he didn’t know when his real birthday was, so the orphanage just gave him a date according to the day he entered the orphanage
I think the part in bold is unnecessary. You already told us it's his birthday. So maybe just start with, Actually....

I couldn’t help but feel that it was sad a day, not something worth celebrating at all.
totally agree!

I went back to my room, grabbed a pillow and bit the ends of it. Luke was driving me insane, pulling me down into the darkest depths of the ocean to the point where I was struggling for air but couldn’t exactly die
I really like this part, the imagery of it is vivid and beautiful.

I told myself a thousand times it was just a psychical attraction
I think you mean 'physical'

When my heart refused to quite down, I thought how disturbed I was,
'quiet' down

“Don’t move,” he whispered to me. “Otherwise you’ll get hurt. Just get some towels and a broom, I’ll clean it up
Ok, something else bothers me. This isn't the first time that something happens between them and the Mom is completely oblivious. My Mom is all-hearing, even when my room was in the basement and hers upstairs. So where's Liliah's Mom if she didn't hear her scream out in fear after Hunter's almost-rape, and now the glass colliding with the floor? They broke a glass but are whispering not to wake Mom up? Doesn't make much sense to me.

He kissed me slowly and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like I was flying, soaring high…breathing.
I really love this part. I felt myself take a deep sigh to breathe in like she felt like doing, you know? Great work!

Now, and now, this was a very good chapter, a solid edifice of their relationship. My only problem here was that since you're using double POVs, in the next chapter you won't get to explain more of Li's emotions to us since looking at the chapter I think she is more concerned about this that Luke is. I think you should get a second part of the same chapter, or else continue it right here because if you write another chapter from Li's POV then it is going to disturb the sequence and the rhythm you had picked up by doing alternative POVs. So I think that's the basic problem I would say I have in this chapter. Just write how she felt, like some lightning has fallen upon her. Okay?

Ok, I disagree with Shubi here (sorry Shub!) but I really want to know how Luke feels here. I mean, he took a huge step, which is going against everything he is, to kiss her. And she rejected him. Well, not him but how wrong the situation was. Understandably, he will not be happy-go-lucky about it. I can't wait to see. And now, he's 18 so he can leave. He's going to break Dianne's heart but...That's the six year gap, isn't it?
Yay!

ANyway, done with the nit-picking. Another great chappie, pink, I'm so incredibly into this story. It's awesome. Great work, great writing, great imagery. Loved it!

Keep up the great work and thanks for inviting me into your world.
Tanya :D




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My last review! Dun. Dun. Duuuun.

Skinsy has a feeling that the six year gap may have arrived... Luke is eighteen... he's just kissed Liliah... it's clearly freaked him out... all of the ingredients needed to want to leave. If he does just leave, then awwww, poor Dianne. I can see thta being hard on her. Anyway!

However, here I was, staring without him noticing, like some psycho perverted sister.

You don't need this comme here.

I shied away, looking down and pretended to be ever so interested in the iced tea I was making for him. A few seconds later, the door opened and he walked in. Inhaling the scent of freshly cut grass and sweat, I gulped.

He let out a laugh. “You, a woman? That’s funny; all I see is a short six year-old.” He ruffled my hair.

Luke is really begining to sound like my brother... Scary.

It wasn’t the first time I asked; I had been bugging him all week about it but I always got the same response. By now, I had already brought him a gift but I still wanted to know what he wanted. Luke’s birthday was today. Actually, he explained to me that he didn’t know when his real birthday was, so the orphanage just gave him a date according to the day he entered the orphanage. I couldn’t help but feel that it was sad a day, not something worth celebrating at all.

Awww... poor Luke. I'd hate not knowing when my birthday was. The reason I highlighted the words orphanage was because they were repeated closely together, making the sentence sound a bit awkward.

When my heart refused to quiet down, I thought how disturbed I was, thinking such things of my brother.

Pfft, not bioogically. Go with it. :lol:

Putting his hands inside his jean pockets, he leaned over the table.

Wasn't he wearing shorts earlier...? Or has he changed?

In the next hour, we ate and opened presents.

Typo ;)

“A scarf?” he asked, lifting the long wool and studying the pattern of grey colors.

“Since winter’s coming up, I decided to buy you something to stay warm.”

That's not random at all... xD

Luke came back into the room, stilling holding his palm up. His eyes roamed the floor. “Damn, you’re fast.”

Typo!

I took his hand by the wrist and pulled his palm forwardtowards me.

You didn't need this extra word because you were just repeating what you'd already said.

I studied the long red cut. It was thin but deep, causing it to leak blood without rest. I opened up the kit and pulled out a tube.


He kissed me slowly and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like I was flying, soaring high…breathing.

This is edging a bit too much on corny for me. Plus, don't people breathe anyway...? :lol:

“It’s wrong,” I said in a stutter, shaking my head. “It’s a taboo, a sin.”

Woooo! Sorry... I always go all excited when a title of a novel is mentioned in the novel itself...

“But we’re not blood related,” Luke answered in a whisper.

Exactly.


Overall

This might be a bit of a novel overall review. I'll tell you what I think of it so far and ask any unanswered questions that I have, or whatever. As for this chapter itself, it was good. I'm glad that Liliah and Luke have finally kissed. It's about time! Your character's are progessing... :lol: You know the rest. In this chapter, I really liked the way you described the kiss, even though there was one part of it where it was edging on a bit too corny for me, but hey, I can cope. It's a bit creepy how Luke really reminds me of my own brother in this chapter. Minus the hotness... he's minging. (British slang for needs to put a bag over his head). No offence ot him or anything. Sorry, that's totally unrelated. It's just that th way Luke speaks to Liliah is like the way my brother speaks to me. Go figure. The grammar in this chapter was perfectly fine, and there weren't too mny typo's.

The critique I'm ging to bring up in this review kind of goes for the novel overall. To put it simply, it's about Luke's past. I want to know more! Fair enough, you can't reveal anything about Luke's past in Liliah's chapters, but surely, Luke would think of his past sometimes? The only time we've ever really gotten into Luke's mind about hsi past was when they wee in the diner and Luke remembered his mum taking him into the orphanage. This will sound really weird, but I have a bit of a thing for kid's with bad pasts and hard lives that have lived in foster homes and junk. I always like to know details about their past and because of that, I want to know more about Luke's past. To begin with, why was Luke put into the orphanage in the first place? That's the main question on my mind. I'm not going t go into much detail about this because things like this can be explained in further chapters. I just thought that I'd let you know that I'd like to hear about Luke's past in future chapters.

Obviously, I don't know what you've planned to happen in the rest of this novel, but I'd really like to see Luke's mum and/or dad in the future... It could be interesting. There are a lot of things that I'd like to see happening in the rest of the chapters, but I won't specify, otherwise, we'd be here for a while and Revewing Sunday only lasts a day... The main thign I want to say is that I dearly hope you'll include some details about Luke's past in the rest of the novel because I think that it's improtant. I'm predicting that the next chapter will have moved on six years. Actually, I think that might be not the next chapter, but the one after it. I hope you describe Luke running away or something in the next chapter. It wuld be entertaining. Liliah and Luke will obviousl meet up again, and hopefully, they'll finally actually get together! I also hope that Luke will one day find out when his real birthday is... xD

I'm definitely going to join the page/club for this novel now. ;)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Spoiler
P.S I once again apologise for all of the dodgy typo's that have been inculded in these past few reviews...
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Whoah. This was a really long chapter! I noticed a lot more things too...some are probably
mentioned by the other reviewers already but I'm too lazy too cut them off my nitpick list xD. So...

...nitpicks :):

...like some psycho perverted sister.

- There should be a dash between 'psycho' and 'perverted'.

“Stop calling me munchkin,” I retorted.

- I think you should put the word 'munchkin' in apostrophes just like I did here.

I tried to think of name I could call him but failed.

- I think you should put 'a' before 'name' or just change it to 'names'.

It wasn’t the first time I asked, I had been bugging him all week about it but I always got the same response.

- The second part of the sentence is already independent so you could change the comma to a period. And, what same response? You didn't mention any. Suggestion: You can add the Luke's same response after the word 'response' or something.

By now, I had already brought him a gift...

- Didn't you mean 'bought'?

Luke’s birthday was today, actually, he explained to me that he didn’t know when his real birthday was...

- The beginning part of this sentence made the entire sentence confusing. Anyway, the second part of the sentence is independent so you can just end 'today' with a period.

I couldn’t help but feel that it was sad a day...

- Confusing @_@, at least for me. xD

...grabbing the edge of the counter and smacking my head down.

- Um, she couldn't possibly grab the edge of the counter. Maybe you meant she held it? And, I think you should add 'on it' after 'down'.

Of course I was lying...

- I think you should put a comma after 'course'.

When my heart refused to quite down...

- Wasn't this supposed to be 'quiet' rather than 'quite'?

...thinking such things of my brother.

- I think this should be 'about', not 'of'.

“Happy birthday, dear Lucas, happy birthday to you!” mom and I sang.

- In my opinion, you should mention that the tune was the last part of the birthday song. It's that tune, right?

The camera’s flash went off, brightening the room for just a second.

- I think the term 'split second' is preferable here. This comment is not really necessary by the way, :)

In next the hour...

- Typo. Should be: 'In the next hour'.

Afterward...

- This seemed like a lazy choice of word.

...stilling holding his palm up.

- Typo. Should be: 'still' rather than 'stilling'.

I studying the long red cut...

- Typo again xD. 'studying' should be 'studied'. And, I think you can put a period after 'cut' rather than a 'comma'.
- - - - - - -
Awesome chapter! I didn't get bored at any part here :D. The ending was the highest part, too. Although it was quite predictable, I wasn't actually expecting it. I didn't expect it to happen at that time, at that moment, in this chapter. I was like o.O lol.

Keep writing! You're such a talented writer! :D
- Whisperer -
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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GAH! I hate myself!
The thing is, I always memorize what I write so when I reread it, I can't spot those little typos.
I will read my work backwards from now on. If that even helps, honestly I'm sick of typos too!
(Haha...Honestly, Skins :))

So a few things I want to mention. Yes, I do need to go into Luke's past and pick out a few things. Maybe the next chapter I'll do that. And I'm extremely sorry that you felt this was rushed, I just didn't feel like dragging it any more >.< I'll work on it, however. I have a bunch of editing to do, so I'm planning on going back and totally doing one big major edit before I even think about posting the next part :)
Thanks for sticking around!
See you in a week...or so lol

~Pink
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I just now found out about this, and this is amazing! You're a great writer by the way and I don't have anything negative to say about this! Great job, keep up the good work, I'll be looking forward to the next chapters!

- Jessica
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