Waiting..

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1694
Reviews 14
This is what the world comes to. Death. Fear. War. People wonder why there are so many suicides and murders, but look at we are living in. We live in a world so consumed by hate, there is barely and room for peace and love. We wage war on others so they can't come onto our land and kill thousands. But that's just we are doing to. Going on to enemy land, killing thousands of innocent people just because someone didn't agree with you. The leaders in this world act like a bunch of five year old children, fighting because they didn't get what they want. Everyday solders kill thousands of people just like themselves, with family, friends, love, children, just because they are on the other side of the line. Its no different than killing your neighbor. Is it okay because its us killing millions and not them?

They say earth is the only planet in the milky way than can sustain life. That humans being here along with everything else is a miracle. But then you look around at the life that lives here. All the death on this planet, the fear, the hate, makes this world not a miracle but a nightmare. We try and make everything perfect, but everybody's view of perfect is different. Every country has one greedy person who wants everything to be their way. They set so many restrictions that they themselves don't meet them.

And nobody is willing to change. They see what they are doing but they just keep doing it. People who try and tell others what the worlds coming to are teased and called hippies, even though everyone know they are right. Just proving their point. People are told straight in the face that what they are saying and doing is wrong, but they just push it away.

We are going to kill every thing that's ever existed on earth, just so we get what we want. It's not worth destroying the only planet that can hold life over hate. But nobody is going to change their ways. Nobody thinks about the aftermath of war, death, hate. They just want it done. And nothing can stop them. All we can do is wait.
Try smiling in the rain. When you are sad. It's harder than it looks.
~Cassi (me)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 8517
Reviews 147
There is nothing but truth in this, and I can easily recognize many of things in it. But let me help you with a few mistakes.

This is what the world comes to. Death. Fear. War. People wonder why there are so many suicides and murders, but look at we are living in. We live in a world so consumed by hate, 1 there is barely and room for peace and love. We wage war on others so they can't come onto our land and kill thousands. 2 But that's just we are doing to. 3 Going on to enemy land, killing thousands of innocent people just because someone didn't agree with you. The leaders in this world act like a bunch of five year old children, fighting because they didn't get what they want. Everyday 4 solders kill thousands of people just like themselves, with family, friends, love, children, just because they are on the other side of the line. 5 Its no different than killing your neighbor. Is it okay because its us killing millions and not them?


First underlined sentence should be: there is barely any room for peace and love.

Second underlined sentence: too

Third: onto, not on to.

Fourth: soldiers

Fifth: In both instances, it's not its.

6 They say earth is the only planet in the milky way than can sustain life. That humans being here along with everything else is a miracle. But then you look around at the life that lives here. All the death on this planet, the fear, the hate, makes this world not a miracle but a nightmare. We try and make everything perfect, but everybody's view of perfect is different. Every country has one greedy person who wants everything to be their way. 7 They set so many restrictions that they themselves don't meet them.


Sixth: Earth, Milky Way and that not than.

Seventh: Remove the them.

And nobody is willing to change. They see what they are doing but they just keep doing it. People who try and tell others what the 8 worlds coming to are teased and called hippies, even though everyone know they are right. Just proving their point. People are told straight in 9 the face that what they are saying and doing is wrong, but they just push it away.


Eighth: World is not worlds, and knows not know.

Ninth: their not the.

The last paragraph is just fine. Anyway, nice work! ;)
"A superman ... is, on account of certain superior qualities inherent in him, exempted from the ordinary laws which govern men. He is not liable for anything he may do."
Nathan Leopold




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6338
Reviews 140
other than what TIGERSPRITE said, pretty nice job. It's nice to get a taste of reality.
Solvalery/GeeLyria Fans
Link




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2212
Reviews 46
Okay! wow! that was life changing, and so true. Humans can't see the world clearly. i love the part where you wrote about the wars, its so true! people shouldn't be bombing other countries,we should be try to find a better way to solve problems...
anyway, keep on writing! i totally loved this one :D
~Book Person~
I won't run when the sky turns to flame
and I sure won't budge when the earth does shake
when the flood comes up, I will dance in the rain
'cause it's all the same to me




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1096
Reviews 11
This piece was good, but there are still a few things I noticed that could be better. First of all, the ideas contained within the sentences are a little bit repetitive. Fore example:
ZebraSkittles wrote:come onto our land and kill thousands.
ZebraSkittles wrote:Going on to enemy land, killing thousands of innocent people
These two say basically the same thing.
ZebraSkittles wrote:All the death on this planet, the fear, the hate,
In the first paragraph, you use the words death and fear as part of your main point, and they seem somewhat redundant. Instead, try using synonyms, or even combining them, maybe using a word like calamity.
ZebraSkittles wrote:They set so many restrictions that they themselves don't meet them.
This sentence doesn't make very much sense, and doesn't go along with the topic of the paragraph very well.
ZebraSkittles wrote:hey say earth is the only planet in the milky way than can sustain life.
This sentence sound informal. Who exactly are [i]they[i]? If you make that more clear, it should be fine.
ZebraSkittles wrote:They just want it done.
Who just wants what done?
Now on to more minor matters, specifically grammar.
ZebraSkittles wrote:Going on to enemy land, killing thousands of innocent people just because someone didn't agree with you.
ZebraSkittles wrote:Just proving their point.
These are both sentence fragments.
ZebraSkittles wrote:hat humans being here along with everything else is a miracle.
This should be "That humans [i]are[i] here, along with everything else is a miracle.
ZebraSkittles wrote:It's not worth destroying the only planet that can hold life over hate. But nobody is going to change their ways.
This seems a somewhat disjointed, try combining the sentences with a comma(yes I know this isn't grammar, but I am scatter brained).
ZebraSkittles wrote:And nobody is willing to change.
Although many authors do this, starting a sentence with and is not grammatically correct. Try using Additionally, or some similar word/phrase. That just about covers everything!
They, are not your MUFFINS!!!!!!!!!! - John Worthing/Ernest Moncrieff (The importance of being Ernest)



Oh my my, cowboys vs aliens - someone note the time and date, this is a historical moment (August Review Day 2025)
— Roxanne