Killing for Love

Apple · 2010-09-24T07:50:05Z

This is an assignment for school where we're supposed to write a short story influenced by a love component. As I cannot write love without a 'lil bit of action, I decided to place a twist to it. :P Can you please just tell me if you like it and what you think I could improve on. Just note, it cannot be more then 600 words and I've already past that by eleven words. Killing for Love Rating: 12+ Minor Swearing and gore scenes. Sypnosis: A serial killer is on the loose in modern day Texas. Driven by the motive of love, Dante - a badly abused boy - murders the people that destroyed his relationship with his love of his life, Raina. ______________________ I drove the dagger deep into his heart, watching as he squirmed in pain and shock. I began to cackle as his blood splattered over the wall and slid down towards the floor like tears. His hands dropped from around my neck and his eyes grew distant. Pulling the blade out from his chest, I let his body collapse towards the ground, smearing the feathered, pink carpet. My hands began to shake with power, relishing in the fact I had killed him. "You brought this upon yourself," I said letting the moon's rays wash over me. Looking through my mahogany fringe, a cynical smile spread across my face. Looking at my blade with disgust; I shook it so that some of the blood dispatched and fell over his body. Turning my back to him, I let my shoulders sag, fingering the bruise on my cheek where that son of a bitch had struck me. It hadn't hurt, and I had given him a scare when I shook it off like it was nothing. Dad would dish out much worse at home, so I was practically immune to feeble beatings. Cracking my knuckles, I moved towards a picture frame that had caught my eye before I had pounced onto my prey. I felt my heart skip a beat. There she was, my beautiful Raina. Next to her, with his arm slung around her neck was the dick himself. They had been best friends since first grade, and Raina did everything he said. Even leave me! It was sickening that he had such a huge effect on her. "Not anymore!" I laughed savagely. Stabbing at the picture, the blade pierced through his heart, some of his blood dripping onto it. Bringing it up to my lips, I kissed Raina, dragging my finger down the shattered glass plane. She was so beautiful! Long brown hair framing her face with curls; she was the dreamiest girl in the world. I sighed. I would touch her body, again. Slide my lips against hers and feel the tingles in my stomach when she put her fingers through my hair and said she loved me...When I took out the bastards who stood in our way, she'd be all mine! The old father clock suddenly burst to life, cracking as midnight approached. Shuddering, I leaned against the wall not wanting to return to home where I would be beaten for returning late. I glanced back down at the picture. It had broken my heart when she had deserted me that late summer’s day. “I love you, Dante, I really do! It’s just-” She paused rolling her neck as she tried to choose the right words. “-I need a little break. My school grades are starting to drop and so is my sporting career…” I had tuned out once she had said ‘little break’. It was like the whole world was collapsing in on itself. My heart went all funny. It fluttered then began to twist as if she had reached into my body and taken it from me personally. I began to shake my head, grabbing onto her arms as if that would keep her close to me. “But, we’re in love!” I said, though knowing that the attempt was useless. “I’m not leaving you; it’s just a little break.” Raina went onto her toes and pecked me lightly on the cheek. “Goodbye, Dante.” It was because of him that she had left me. I kicked at his dead body watching as it shook from impact. Turning to look into the moon, I clenched my fist around the dagger. It was because of all those bastards! I grinned, murderously. With them all gone, she’d be mine once more for all eternity.

Button

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Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:05 am

Button says... · Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:05 am

Great piece- the voice is really strong, and the situation is unfolded very well. I would think about making the main character more human- stress his loving side, how he really just wants them both to be happy. Crazy people who are hopelessly human are always the best characters.

Overall though, this was really nicely done.

-Coral-

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BerlynnRae

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Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:33 pm

BerlynnRae says... · Mon Sep 27, 2010 4:33 pm

This was so good. I enjoyed the mixed feelings here where he loves a girl and have home life issues where he doesn't want to return home. Though I did see one problem with the spelling at the end. When he kicks the dead body isn't the word supposed to be "Shook" and not "Shake" sorry i would quote it but I'm not very good with this site yet

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Apple

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Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:16 pm

Apple says... · Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:16 pm

Thanks Guys!

I'll change that when I get the engery to flick through this again! But as I am currently getting in trouble I'll have to do it later. XD

PS> Thanks again, you guys are awesome!

I spy!

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peachyturtle

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Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:31 pm

peachyturtle says... · Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:31 pm

Wow O.o All I can say is that I hope you got an A on this!!! It was really really good.

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