The Vamyre Hunter

There's a bunch of misspelled words, Careful! Commas and description are needed. I like the idea, but you need to make it more interesting, or the reader, well, won't be a reader.

This is so good. The vamyre actually dies, very nice. Like everyone else noticed, I noticed a few mistakes but those can be edited easily. I loved the ending, you really made me want to read more of it. Keep writing, you are doing great!

Iiscraftywriter wrote:Breathing heavily Selene Day peered around at the corner of the dark forest,Nothing, The forest was thick, evergreens were everywhere. It was wild-Vamyre hangout. She was out to kill.
" I know your there," she hissed angrily contenmlating her next move.
Selene had trained hard for the day when she could meet this monster. He had caused so much pain.Rustling. Selene pointed her gun at the bush. How weak. The Vampyre didn't even try to hide. The rustling continued, Suddenly A squirrel jumped out!
" You gave me quite the scare, little guy", Selene chuckled to herself.
Then it came. The foul, dead smell like rotting pizza ( funny how that worked actually). Blood. Rotton blood. Vamyre. Before she could cry out hands came around her throat.
" Don't even think about it."
The smell of death overwelmed her, threated to choke her. The cold, long fingures of the Vamyre tightened around her neck.
" Your a Vamyre Hunter", he said fear etching his voice.
Trying to make a snappy comeback Selene raised her foot and kicked her hard black high heel into his leg. The Vamyre lost his grip and Selene ran out of it, gasping.
" Clever, girl", he chuckled," but I can easily kill you."
Flipping back her long, dark hair Selene smiled.
" I know that. I'm not stupid you know."
His laugh echoed throughout the endless forest.
" Of corse your not. Your one out of revenge. Who did I kill? Your sister? Aunt? Friend?"
The smile faded from Selene's lip's.
"Parent's."
She raised her gun, aiming quickly.
Moving faster than the human eye can see ,the vamyre ran to Selene and nocked the gun out of her hands. Then, putting his hands once again around her neck,he secured his arm around her stomach.
" No hunter has escaped me yet. Pray tell why would you be different?"
Gasping for breath Selene stuttered," I want to be one of you."
The vamyre chuckled. " You lie. I can feel it."
" Can you?"
Grasping her small riffle she pointed it at his leg.
" It will take more than that to kill me."
Laughing Selene shot his leg, " Who said- I was gonna kill you?"
Whipping away she aimed her gun quickly at his heart. His screams of pain soon came to her eager ears.
" You did good", A smooth voice came to her ear.
Whipping around Selene turned to face this new threat. Something wacked her on the head. She scummed into darkness.

just a couple correctinons but i liked it

Breathing heavily, Selene Day peered around at the corner of the dark forest. Nothing. The forest was thick, evergreens were everywhere. It was wild-Vamyre hangout and She was out to kill.

" I know you're there," she hissed angrily contemplating her next move.

Selene had trained hard for the day she would meet this monster. He had caused so much pain.

Rustling. Selene pointed her gun at the bush. How weak. The Vampyre didn't even try to hide. The rustling continued. Suddenly- A squirrel jumped out! This paragraph is actually VERY jerky, I would suggest rewriting the entire paragraph here.

" You gave me quite the scare, little guy", Selene chuckled to herself.

Then it came. The foul, dead smell like rotting pizza ( funny how that worked actually). Blood. Rotten blood. Vamyre (This sentence is also lacking). Before she could cry out hands came around her throat.

" Don't even think about it."

The smell of death overwelmed her, threatened to choke her. The cold, long fingers of the Vamyre tightened around her neck.

" You're a Vamyre Hunter", he said, fear etching his voice.

Trying to make a snappy comeback, Selene raised her foot and kicked her hard black high heel into his leg.(Perhaps you could say 'she attempted to make a snappy comeback but when she failed at doing so she raised her foot...' )The Vamyre lost his grip and Selene ran out of it (ran from him, might be better here. Or at least something along the lines of that), gasping.

" Clever, girl", he chuckled," but I can easily kill you."

Flipping back her long, dark hair Selene smiled.

" I know that. I'm not stupid you know."

His laugh echoed throughout the endless forest.

" Of corse your not. You're one out of revenge. Who did I kill? Your sister? Aunt? Friend?"

The smile faded from Selene's lip's.

"Parent's."

She raised her gun, aiming quickly.

Moving faster than the human eye,the vamyre ran to Selene and knocked the gun out of her hands. Then, putting his hands once again around her neck,he secured his arm around her stomach.

" No hunter has escaped me yet. Pray tell, why would you be different?"

Gasping for breath Selene stuttered," I want to be one of you."

The vamyre chuckled. " You lie. I can feel it."

" Can you?"

Grasping her small riffle she pointed it at his leg.

" It will take more than that to kill me."

Laughing Selene shot, " Who said- I was gonna kill you?"

Whipping away she aimed her gun quickly at his heart. His screams of pain soon came to her eager ears.

" You did good", A smooth voice said in her ear.

Whipping around Selene turned to face this new threat but something wacked her on the head. She succumbed to the darkness.

Its a nice plot and it left us in suspense but the writing was a bit jerky and you should use spelling check when you're in doubt. Using 1 word sentences are alright but maybe you shouldn't use them too often. it doesn't give us the full meaning because it lacks it's helping words. When you use 1 worded sentences, you're practically taking away the predicate and leaving the subjects. Anyway, this was a nice story and I hope you continue to write more.