The Circle of Chairs

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This story is loosely based off of something my Aunt and her friend saw one day.

It was night when Henry, Joe, Frank, and I were heading home from working on stage crew for the school play. I remember that night better then any night I’ve ever lived through, but I wish I could forget all of it. No matter how much I try to block it from my mind, I can’t let go of it.

It was mid October and the leaves looked like fire, slowly dropping from the dying trees. The wind danced around us as we walked down Maple Street. I looked at all the lights that were on in the houses around us and wondered how the neighbors were enjoying their evenings.

I always loved walking around at night. The world always seemed much quieter and more peaceful. Everyone was settling in for the night and no one was out and about. Except for the wind, the only sounds that we could hear were the sounds of our footsteps on the rough pavement.

We were going to walk back to our homes, but we stayed together to keep each other company. We were a block away from my house when Henry tapped me on the shoulder.

“Hey, Tim,” he smirked, “Look over there. It’s you’re favorite neighbor!”

He pointed to the oldest house on the block, where Mr. Lockhart lives. Lockhart was the strangest man on our street. He never smiled at anybody. He never waved to anybody. He stared down anybody who walked in front of his house. I always thought that he was just antisocial until the summer day he invited me in for a soda. I kept walking and he kept asking if I wanted that drink. He then started swearing at me and screaming at me and I broke out into a run. Ever since, I always avoided that man, but this night, we had walked in front of his house by mistake.

“Shut up, Henry,” I said, “You know I don’t like this guy!”

Frank laughed, “What’s the matter? When he offered you pop, he said Coke instead of Pepsi?”

“That wasn’t even funny, Frank.” I sighed, “You always try to be the funny one in our group and none of your jokes are ever funny.”

Joe cut in, “Wait a second, who’s this guy? I don’t think you ever told me about him.”

I quickly told him about Lockhart and his eyes grew wide. Joe was a big horror enthusiast and anything out of the ordinary interested him.

Henry started to laugh, “Hey Tim, I’ll give you ten bucks if you ring his doorbell and moon him when he walks out!”
“No!” I got mad, “I’m not going up to his door!”

“Besides,” Henry sounded disappointed, “His house looks empty.”

“Then I’ll give you ten bucks if you look inside his window.” Frank suggested.

“For the last time,” I started getting red faced, “I’m not going up to that house!”

“What if I go with you?” Joe said eagerly.

“C’mon Tim,” Henry pleaded, “It’s an easy ten bucks. An old man like that’s probably asleep anyway.”

Everyone looked at me and expected a no. I sighed and said, “Alright, but I won’t be there for long.”

Joe smiled and we slowly crept through the front yard. My legs shook as we crouched into the cold grass in front of the window. I peered through, but it was too dark to see anything.

“…What the hell,” Joe muttered. I looked and saw that his eyes were bulging and his mouth was gaping in shock. I turned back to the window and waited a moment for my eyes to adjust. What I saw haunts me to this day.

The living room was empty except for thirteen chairs, all occupied. They were set up in a circle with the thirteenth chair in the middle. In all of the chairs were what looked like children, but none of them moved. I realized that the ones facing me had no eyes.

Lockhart sat in the thirteenth chair. He rolled his head around his neck and hit something in between his legs. After hearing a faint beat, I figured that he held a drum there. I looked at him and saw that he wore a wolfish mask, his eyes were closed.

With every beat, one of the children seemed to lift their arms slightly off of their legs. None of them looked like they were breathing. As he beat the drum faster and faster, the children seemed to move their arms along with the beat.

Joe and I couldn’t move. Our knees were glued down and our eyes were fixed on the horrific scene in front of us.

In an instant, Lockhart stopped and stared into my eyes.

We screamed and ran as fast as we could to my house, not caring whether or not the others followed us.

The next day, Lockhart’s house was empty and for sale. Fred and I swore never to tell anybody about the incident.




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Creepy. The descriptions are done well, especially how Tim talks of how he likes to walk around at night. But I don't understand why Tim stopped thinking of Lockhart as anti-social after he invited him in for a drink and then swore at him.
"A superman ... is, on account of certain superior qualities inherent in him, exempted from the ordinary laws which govern men. He is not liable for anything he may do."
Nathan Leopold




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Hello, Chryssa here for a cup of crituque : D
First off I liked the writing. It was a nice piece. I liked the descriptions of the out-doors. I liked the way the characters bantered with each other, too.
One thing I didn't get, though, was Mr. Lockhart. There didn't seem to be much character development in my opinion. What was he doing with the kids? Were their eyes really missing? What's with the wolf mask and the drum? It just confused me, sorry. I think it would be nice if you gave a bit more detail on that. On Mr. Lockhart, too.
But I was intrigued by the concept. I just would like to know more.
All right,
Happy Writings : D

~Chryssa
MDR FTW X3

DANCER




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Hello there!

Here to review.

Except for the wind, the only sounds that we could hear were the sounds of our footsteps on the rough pavement.


I would have to place "sound" instead of the plural form and delete the second word "sound", since it's pretty understandable that you're still referring at it.

Anyways, I find the piece good and a bit cliffhanger. However, I think you can do more of the descriptions. For example, don't only limit your depictions through visual descriptions, but also with the smell, sound and everything our characters could sense. And for me, the pace was a bit fast. Perhaps try to slow down and develop more of the story plot. Since the story's in a first person, then you should also state your main character's thoughts, opinions, reactions and not with too many narrative sentences. Your spellings and verb consistency is also good, so yay for that. But anyways, the plot itself is interesting and creepy, if that's what you're expecting from us. What I also like is how you've managed to attract or grab your reader's attention throughout the story. All in all, I thank you for the good read. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

peace out!

~yuri
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal




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OK, that was creepy but awesome. It sounded like something Stephen King would write only shorter and less detailed and more understandable. I like how you created intensity out of one scene and made it the base of the story. =) very well done. Not a whole lot to say really. but I think that you could have made it a a whole heck of a lot creepier if you tried.

Proceed your wonderful creepiness---ASH
And just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she turned into a beautiful butterfly.




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Woah, reading this made me spill my coffee and will probably give me some nightmares inspiration lol.

I'll just give you a quick-run down on this. It gave me chills, which is good. I really like the why you describe it, makes it very creepy, yes? I know that this is a short story and all, but I would really love to see what happen after .-.
Like did they happen to have sudden nightmares about it not like they never tell anyone about it ever again. But then again, the character developement kind of confused me.

Overall, it was a nice piece, made me thought of some scary things like the Ring and now I won't probably sleep for a whole day :]
14 years have passed
And yet I'm unabled
To find a friend
For my existence is lower
Than a piece of grass.




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Creepy creepy! Super duper interesting!!!! I was like glued to the screen when I was reading it. At first I thought, 'oh great just some boring story' well after I read it I was thinking 'watch out for the creepy old neighbors'. You've got some talent. Keep working at it and you're gonna go far my friend. Very far. :D
“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love. By returning, you may ensure that fewer souls are maimed, fewer families are torn apart. If that seems to you a worthy goal, then we say good-bye for the present.” - Albus Dumbledore




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Wow ... that is really creepy.
It's based on something your Aunt saw? That takes creepy to the summit.
Anyway, I liked it. You've got talent. It was very interesting: I never got bored. It hooked me in, and I wanted to read until the end. Yuri nitpicked the only mistakes I could find, so I have only compliments to give (:
Again, I think you have a lot of potential as a writer, and I really enjoyed reading this short story.
Keep writing (it would be tantamount to a crime if you didn't),
Ignis (:
The POTATO of DOOM

A thousand times it calls your name
A thousand times you hear it
And fools are those who heed its call
But fools are those who fear it.


The Interesting Thoughts of Edward Monkton




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This piece made me want to keep reading. It was creepy yet very interesting. I didn't understand what Mr. Lockhart was doing with those kids and why did they have no eyes? The story was fast and I didn't get a sense of what you're characters were like. Thumbs up here. This story was great and it takes a lot of courage to put this up if it was based on something your aunt saw. Keep writing :)
Wicked
One word to say to you
One world to live onto
One person that makes you spin
One song you'll always sing
Show me the way <3




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Very nice! :) I loved your description here, as well as the conversations among the characters; they seemed very real. I adore your writing style; it has a sort of seduction to it. I just didn't want to stop reading! The only problem I had with it was that I was a bit confused over Mr. Lockhart and what was going on with the children. Perhaps you meant for it to be this way, especially since it was based off of a real life event which your aunt witnessed. Which, makes it that much more creepy. Thanks for the entertaining read! Keep on writing! Can't wait to read more! :) -Rayhutch5
"Everything has beauty, just not everyone sees it." -Jen Meyers




cron
Irresponsibly-conceived assignments don't deserve responsibly-executed complies.
— Persistence