Taboo [10]

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Chapter Ten (Lucas)
A lake is the landscape's most beautiful and expressive feature. It is earth's eye; looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature. ~Henry David Thoreau

~~~

I tapped my pencil as I pointed my eyes like knives at Richard, who was assigned to be Liliah’s partner during out second environmental science partner test. With caution, he looked at me and then spun back, grinning at Liliah’s joke which was probably stupid but nonetheless could make anyone smile.
Next to me was Janice Micheals. A taller girl with blond hair and she smelled like bananas. I didn’t like bananas.
Her squeaky voice read the question:
“When X joules of nuclear energy is used to produce Y joules of electrical energy, which of the following is true?
A. In every case, X>Y
B. In every case, X=Y
C. In every case, X<Y
D. Either X < Y or X > Y, depending on the efficiency of the generator
E. Either X < Y or X > Y, depending on the amount of heat produced”
“The answer is C,” she replied in a know-it-all manner. Her finger trailed the page and she tapped the desk, demanding my consideration.
“Wrong,” I replied, circling A. “X is greater than Y.”
Receiving a dirty look from Janice only made me return with a smirk. Apparently this smirk of mine made her cheeks blush with a raspberry color and she went back to reading the next question.
Crud.
Liliah and Richard seemed to be having difficulty with their test. Richard concentrated hard; the eraser to his pencil was quickly deleting an incorrect answer. Liliah on the other hand, looked more frustrated. Usually we were partnered up and she didn’t have to do anything but now she had to essentially use her brain and all that slacking didn’t help her. She looked up at me with a frown. Mr. Roberts was a cruel man, he knew she was slacking therefore purposely assigned partners this round.
I shrugged in return and helped Janice with the next three problems. Every time I peeked up, Richard would move away from Liliah, as if he was afraid to get too close. I smiled at that.
~~~

Lockers slammed, youngsters chuckled and shoved one another playfully. The students were already trampling over themselves to get through the double doors and skip on home. I was on my way to meet Liliah who was probably waiting for me in the front.
“You must be having fun,” a voice called.
From behind, Chace revealed himself with a smug smile. His blue shirt had a small paint stain which he was trying to pick off eagerly.
“Having fun?” I echoed.
“Why yes, I’ve had my eye on you and it seems like you’re having quite a blast with Liliah and the others.”
We began walking together and my mind instantly went back to Olivia. He suddenly looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “Did Olivia say anything about me?” he asked.
“I know what happened,” I stated.
“Ah…” He shaped a frown and gave up on the paint stain. “This is why I hate art class,” he muttered.
“Are you still interested in her after what you did?” I asked curiously.
“I just feel like I have to take responsibility, you know?”
“For what? It isn’t like you got her pregnant,” I scoffed.
He shot me a dark look. “I did steal her virtue, Luke-darling. I just…well.” His words knotted. “It’s not like I didn’t care about her, Olivia and I were good friends before that.”
“You liked her?”
He laughed. “Still do,” he sighed. “But I’ve already ruined our friendship. She thinks I’m a playboy…which is hardly the truth. That’s just the image I have.” He shrugged. “I’ve been atoning for my sins too. No more alcohol. Oh no, I’ll never go through the same mistake twice and ruin more of my friendships.”
We were reaching the exit. “Have you apologized? You’d be surprised how much difference a simple ‘sorry’ could do.”
He blinked. “I’ve never actually said ‘sorry’ but…I hinted it. Why can’t she just see that?”
I laughed, sticking my hands into the pockets of my jeans. Chace wasn’t exactly a sick bastard, he was just another guy who made stupid mistakes and didn’t have a clue how to fix them.
“You can’t throw away your pride for just one person?”
“One person…” he mumbled. After a deep though, he replied, “I thought you were a weirdo, Lucas. Really did. But that doesn’t seem to be the case; you’re actually a pretty decent guy.” Finally, a smile curved up on his lips and he slap-patted my shoulder. “If word gets out about how much of a softy I am, I’ll kill you,” he threatened.
The corner of my mouth tugged upward. He was about to turn away but then spun on his heels. “If I can take a second to be bold and say this, I think you and Liliah make a better couple than siblings. Back at the party, she felt uncomfortable with Hunter…I knew it was a lie, them dating and all,” he said with a wink. My lips parted and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at him.
“Don’t worry, I can keep a secret,” he said placing his finger over his lips.
As Chace disappeared behind another set of door, I pushed my way through the front exit. The afternoon light hit me with a wicked shine. Liliah was leaning against the railing, her books in her hands. Once our eyes met, a soft expression took over and she smiled.
It was that second in which I had to question myself. If Liliah was just a sister, why did it bother me when I saw her talking to other guys? Why did it bother me to see her hanging out with Hunter before? I disliked being away from her and I hated myself for wanted to monopolize her time. I wanted her attention on me…only.
~~~

“You guys ready?” Dianne asked, packing the last of the luggage into the trunk of the Honda Accord. She was wearing a large straw sun hat. Her yellow skirt was below the knees and her brown shirt was designed with little sparkly things that twinkled like stars every time the sun hit.
I loaded the cooler into the back seat and fixed my shorts. “Yeah, we’re good, here.” Dianne wanted to go to the beach before the weather changed. She seemed to be one of those goofy characters, someone who planned things at the last minute, liked to jump up and down for no reason and smile even if there wasn’t a need to. Although, autumn was just hanging off the rim and it was only going to take a month or two before Chicago turned into a freezer. I turned back to find Liliah coming out of the house in a sun dress and orange sunglasses to match.
She raised her hands out in front of me, like a display. “How do I look?”
Dianne squealed like a child. “Sweetheart, where did you get that? It’s so cute. I wish I was young enough to wear something like that and get away with it,” she giggled.
“Ugly,” I muttered to her in secrecy.
Liliah didn’t hesitate to elbow my ribs. “You’re just jealous ‘cause you can’t wear one.” She winked.
I laughed, “Right, because I love dresses.”
We drove with the sunroof open, the wind wildly blowing through our hair and the heat of the rays burning our skin. I casually looked out of the window, with my finger dancing in the force of the airstream; I could see the shimmering reflection of the cerulean Lake Michigan. The sight of it was tantalizing, completed with a type of beautiful serenity that you couldn’t exactly find anywhere else.
After a few minutes, we parked and unloaded, taking our things down the beach. It took a while to find a decent spot but once we did, we quickly set up the towels and umbrellas. I brought the cooler to our spot and set it down. Taking a deep breath, I looked up and took in the sight. There were so many different types of people walking here and there, everyone wearing a rainbow of different swimsuits. The cool lake water wind brushed against my face, sending a pleasurable tremble through me.
Dianne sat down and opened the cooler, twisting open a bottle of coke. Picking up her large novel she took a sip and let out a long sigh. “So nice!” She smiled at me. “We should take some pictures too, I brought the camera. It’d make such a nice memory.”
I agreed with a nod. I felt a shove and involuntarily took a step forward, whipping my head around. “Race you to the water!” Liliah grinned, already in her red swim suit.
I looked her up and down, my lips becoming firm.
“What’s wrong with you?” she laughed. “You look like you just swallowed a fish or something.” She put her hands on her waist. Honestly, she couldn’t find anything less revealing? I had double check to make sure no one was gaping at her like a mad man.
“Maybe, I really did,” I huffed. “Alright, let’s race,” I replied with a shrug. “But-“
She twisted around, without giving me a second, and burst into a full speed run towards the waves. I gawked at her amazing speed. Holy shit, she’s fast.
Quickly, I shrugged off my green shirt and kicked off my sandals. “Wait up!” I called out, dashing towards Liliah. Dodging people on my way, I did my best to keep an eye on her, hoping she wouldn’t trip like the uncoordinated idiot that she was. I laughed as I watched her enter the water, her legs trying to push through the current. She looked like a damn penguin.
Feeling the cool water hit my legs, a shiver ran down my spine but I continued trailing the munchkin. Once I reached her, she was already drenched in water and grinning from ear to ear. With one swift movement, she pushed the water, splashing me across the face.
“Oy!” I grit my teeth and shoved a stream of water back at her.
I couldn’t help but grin as I watched her mischievous expression. Lately, it had been harder to hide myself in front of her. So, I decided to go with the flow. If I wanted to smile, I would. If I wanted to be happy, well, the universe wasn’t exactly against it now, right? Besides, it was hard to erase the picture, my once monochromatic world, which she had now painted with a diversity of colors…
As the sun set over the horizon. It was Liliah’s laughter, Dianne’s homemade sandwiches, the endless talk of random subjects and the music of our words that seemed to make time run faster than it ever had before. Still wet and laying on the warm beach towel, I inhaled the smell of sand as I watched the pink sky grow violet. I closed my eyes, listening to the cries of children and the breeze of the lake’s crashing waves. When I opened them again, Liliah’s face hung over mine, a little too close for comfort.
“Hey, wake up, Luke. We gotta get going,” she said.
Like the time I held her, when I felt her heart stammering so hard I could feel it against my own chest. I heard the beating of my heart thump against my ribcage. I stared unwillingly into her brown eyes as she blinked at me, slightly confused. She had no clue…she was like another sun. Except, even if the moon was up, she’d still be shining.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” I answered. My fingers dug into the sand as she got up and picked up her shoes and a few towels, heading back to the car. I swallowed, hating the way I felt. I had to be her brother, someone to lean on and rely on. I had to be that person, by law. Grunting, I sat up and peered back the glistening lake. I wondered then, how much longer I could pull it off. It was obvious I liked Liliah in a way I shouldn’t have and it was killing me trying to hide it. To go against it. Would I be able to stay in the same spot forever? Could I manage to completely bury myself and my thoughts? To see her like I should? Or would I cave? Fall into her compassionate heart, where she’d trap me and possibly destroy me.
The corners of my eyes softened and I smiled. I couldn’t possibly…ever do that.
______________________________________________________
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Last edited by Shearwater on Sat Sep 25, 2010 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hey Pink,
I have to say I was a little disappointed. There wasn't much there. I think you should go into more detail at the beach. Give us a glance of the relationship, and how much it's grown. I'm not a nitpicker so, I can't help you there. (Sorry.) As for what you said in the spoiler, I happy that your going to be posting more often and totally understand about losing interest. Just remember that your fans would be so sad if you didn't finish this amazing story. Good luck and keep writing!

Sierra :mrgreen:
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
Thomas Carlyle

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
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Hey Shear! Another great chapter :) I disagree with Sierra here, I think that parts like this, even if they don't have any big events, have to be there in novels for transition and to make the reader understand the characters and learn about them or the situation.

The grammar was great, as usual, of course. i only saw some typos, that's all.

Gathering her papers, she quickly slashed them back into her bag and set it on the floor.

I think you might have meant "stashed"?

I heard the beating of my own heart thump against my own.

Here, it's a little confusing. I don't think you meant for him to have to hearts beating against each other, right? Or did you mean against his own chest?

That's pretty much it. Overall, it was good. Not as exciting as some previous chapters but you didn't make it totally boring. I think it was nice to see how the relationship changed and how just the simple event brought them closer. We hadn't see it to that extent yet. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Keep writing!

-Truth-
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Pink!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! We'll be getting more chappies!!

I disagree with Sierra. (sorry, Sierra!) but I really liked this. We needed a transition chapter to get to know Luke more. He can't suddenly be all nice and talkative and we needed a 'family day' to get to see this side of him. THe protective, talkative side.

I like that he's opening to her and Dianne but still calls her munchkin and idiot. I had to laugh at that. Good job. Please don't get bored. You have your six year gap upcoming and it's going to be one hell of a blow to both of them. Yay! can't wait!

Great writing, great work, keep it coming!
Tanya :D




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Hello Pink!

So one more chapter... It was great by the way. I have to agree with Truth here. You have to have these "boring" spots (not really boring where nothing happens, but not as exciting) to make the novel evolve. We have to know learn about the characters not only by their thoughts and emotions, but also through their actions in a normal day. Anyways, hope you understand what I'm trying to say here. :)

I didn't find anything for the nitpicks... Sorry.

I want to read more! You've got me addicted...

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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Thanks for the comments guys. I know, I was trying to get the family side out, but I will make the next chapter interesting, I promise. 11 is where things start heading down so...6 year gap might be 3 more chapters away? Still long but getting there!

~Shear
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hey, Pink! Don't lose interest. :) That can cause you to write unenthusiastically or run out of ideas just like what happened with my other story that I was writing for my high school classmate. I promised I would continue though, and I would...someday. :)

Anyway, nitpicks:

He was pretty much an off topic subject.

- Put a dash between 'off' and 'topic'.

Gathering her papers, she quickly slashed them back into her bag and set it on the floor.

- This was actually confusing. I'm not sure if 'it' was actually referring to the bag. You can use 'latter' to avoid confusion. :)

...awakening with sweaty palms and a half crazed expression.
- Put a dash between 'half' and 'crazed'.

...to completely erase out of her mind.

- Maybe there should be 'it' between 'erase' and 'out'.

“Ugly,” I muttered to her in secrecy.

- Um, pronoun confusion here. I thought you were referring to Dianne 'cause she was the last person you mentioned before this.

...completed with a type of beautiful serenity...

- I think 'completed' should just be 'complete'.

I had double check to make sure no one was gaping at her like a mad man.

- Should be: 'double-checked' (I think)

Holy shit, she’s fast.

- I was like. 'Whoah, he swore!' lol xD

Like the time I held her...

- I think you intended to link the ending of the last paragraph with this one but when the reader gets to this part, it doesn't work. Put an ellipsis or something at the ending of the previous paragraph and before this paragraph and start with a small letter. That's only my opinion though.
- - - - - - - -
Luke became so natural here and I like it, haha. But, when I come to think of it, it seemed fast lol but not really. It's just fine. The transition isn't day-by-day anyway. And, I agree with what the other reviewer said. You didn't give enough details for some things in the chapter.

Well, don't lose interest and keep writing!
- Whisperer -
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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yay! chapter 10! :) I see you are keeping up the great work! There are a couple gramatical errors but I don't have time to drone on about them now, sorry! I am also confused about who Luke is talking to when he says "Ugly". it just wasn't very clear :) Keep it up!

~Rent
There's only now, there's only here. Give into love, or live in fear. ~Jonathan Larson's RENT




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Hey Pink,
Like always you have delivered, I have read every single chapter\part and I love it, you are beautifully talented, please don't ever quit.
Like I said, I liked all of it, the way Luke was a total butthead in the beginning, Liliah was great I could really connect with her, and I could connect with Luke, he was brooding but it wasn't so much that it just made you go, "Please pull that stick out of your ass already!" so congrats on that.
I want to read more so please don't give up! Also, what's up with the mom? Is there something just emotionally wrong with her because of her husband, or is there something physically wrong, like say a disease of some sorts? I don't know, you just kind of gave off that impression, if its nothing, then don't worry about it, but I was just curious.
I don't think you should get rid of the cursing, it works and if anybody has any other opinions about it, they should just zip it, because hey we all curse when the time calls for it. But I would have a problem, where your cursing every other word, which your not, because that's just poor writing, and yours is very excellant!
I love how you designed Hunter, I absolutely hate guys like him, just hate it!
Somehow I knew something would start to develope between Luke and Liliah, its very sweet and innocent, I love it, it leaves you wanting more, which is what you want the reader to crave.
I can't wait to read chapter 11, and one more thing, what is the 6 year gap? I can't for the life of me think of it, did I miss something in one of the chapters?
Again, congrats on writing another great piece.
Addawen.
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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Hey Pink.

I am completely disgusted. Your writing talent has left me nowhere to hide my face. This has to be the shortes review I have done in ages.

One thing that I didn't get is if he was on the computer desk and she was sitting at her bed, then how he saw from a distance that her solutions were wrong?

As the sun set over the horizon. It was Liliah’s laughter, Dianne’s homemade sandwiches, the endless talk of random subjects and the music of our words that seemed to make time run faster than it ever had before.
I didn't quite get what do you mean by Liliah's daughter? :wink:

Personally I think that this chapter was short and sweet, and I very much liked the idea of the beach outing. The descriptions you had in there were again marvellous and I believe you have become the queen of them now. One thing that I would definitely like to add is that you have progressed a lot as a writer from when I first started reading this novel and now when you have reached almost half of it. But there isn't much improvement; you were already so great. Now there was one whole thing I didn't like in this chapter. Isn't he realizing his weird love for her so soon? Not very soon according to the story, but I just believe that you could have taken one chapter more at least to let him understand what he was going through. Just think of it like this: Whenever a person develops a true love for somebody, usually they don't realize it at first. Secondly even if they do they try their best to console themselves out of it, and particularly in this case it should be the thing. Mainly because of the fact that he is her brother in the eyes of the law so practically he should be trying to say his mind, try to tell himself that there's nothing like this and he doesn't feel more than protective brother love for her. That would be something more ideal according to me. Let him feel that he likes the talks she does, the way she moves and all, but not let him confront himself this so soon. That would be like too unrealistic. I just think you could do more in this chapter only. Like what he feels because I felt that the last part was written in a rush or something like that. So I guess I am blabbering a lot over a small topic, but which could be a big thing for character development.

Until then,
Shubhi :)
"Next time you point a finger
I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

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Guess who it is again? ;)

I've decided that I'm going to review the rest of this now, considering there's only two chapters left. It's about time I make myself useful. You might have guessed that I'm using my mum's laptop again... I bet there are, like, 100 typo's in my last few reviews. Hopefully, you'll be able to understand what I'm trying to sa though...

“My dad was a sales manager for Royal Cup Coffee,” Liliah replied, flipping a page in her text book. “He went out of town a lot. There were times when he didn’t come home for months. Always working with restaurants and food chains, trying to make some deals.” I could see her frown forming as she looked down. “I loved him as a father; I just didn’t know him very well.” She smiled then, “But Mom did. She knew him inside out and outside in.”

I'm not sure if you did this because you took my advice. I doubt it, but still, I can pretend. I really love how you're mentioning Liliah's father a bit here.

Her yellow skirt fell below her knees and her brown shirt was designed with little sparkly things that twinkled like stars every time the sun hit them.

I changed a few wods in this, but they were merely suggestions, so yu don't have to change them.

“Yeah, we’re good, here.” Dianne wanted to go to the beach before the weather changed.

You don't need the comma I highlighted here.

She raised her hands out in front of me, like a display. “How do I look?”

Or this one. ;)

Picking up her large novel, she took a sip and let out a long sigh. “So nice,” she smiled at me. “We should take some pictures too, I brought the camera. It’d make such a nice memory.”


Honestly, she couldn’t find anything less revealing?

Honestly! :lol: Haha, don't worry, it's okay here as long as another few don't creep up.

As the sun set over the horizon, it was Liliah’s laughter, Dianne’s homemade sandwiches, the endless talk of random subjects and the music of our words that seemed to make time run faster than it ever had before.


I heard the beating of my own heart thump against my own.

This sentence was phrased kind if weirdly. It was confusing because it ounded like you said Liliah's heart wasbeating against it's own eart or something... xD

Fall into her compassionate heart, where she’d trap me and possibly destroy me.



Overall

N'awww... this chapter was nice and sweet. I'm really running out of things to say now! Im quite glad that there's only one more chapter at the moment, otherwise, I'd be screwed when it came to finding things to say. The grammar in this chapter was a lot better than the last, and so were the typo's. Plus, I only found one honestly. I'm going t sound really repetitive and say that I love how your character's are progressing, how the story's progressing, your descriptions e.t.c. I'm really stuck of what to say that I haven't already said a thousand times before. I guess I'l just get straight to my critique!

This time, my critique's about Luke. Compared to the last chapter in his POV, it's as if he's actually a completely different person. I'm not entirely sure if that's a good thing or not though. It kind of comes back to what I said in my previous review. I'm dort of thinkign that his character's changed a bit too drastically and a bit too suddenly. I understand that he's uspposed ot have changed a bit within the past few weeks, but I'm still not too sure about it. In the chapter, you said that Luke had given up on hiding his feelings, smiles, frowns emotions e.t.c. The issue is that he's thinking very diffeently as well. Although he might be different on the outside, on the inside, wouldn't he still technically be the same person. I really don't know how to explain this! xD I think that you kind of understand what I'm getting at though. It might just be me overthinkign things a bit, but yeah... I suck at explaining things...


Other than that, I can't think of anything else to say (shocker). Just keep doing what you're doing, I guess... I'll see you in the next chapter, where I'll hopefully be able to give you a bit of a better review than this one. One that makes some sense, too. ;)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Well, Wubby,

I don't have much to say about this chappy. It was nicely done but I didn't see as much of a difference in this one as in the previous ones.

I like the part where Lil's wakes Luke up. Nicely done. The imagery was beautiful.

Can't wait to read the next chapter and then....The second part!

Wifey :D



You know how hard it is to feel like an extreme falcon-headed combat machine when somebody calls you "chicken man"?
— Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid