[September Contest] Don't Forget Your Wishes

Spoiler

This poem goes along with my short You can see it here: viewtopic.php?t=69529 . . . Please tell me your thoughts. . . [Edited]
-Esther

Life is going well for you,
but something still is missing.
Could it be that all this time,
you just have not been wishing?

A wish is such a special thing,
as it keeps our hope alive.
But now we're sticking with reality,
and pushing hopes aside.

The normal guides us as it wants,
and tries to keep us tame,
so we follow the strict rules of life,
But now life feels the same

Have you all simply forgotten
the days when you were young?
When you dreamt of fairytales
Those days are not undone!

Your dreams and hopes are with you,
They will never truly die.
So make a wish with all your heart.

Keep your head up in the sky.

This is a good poem. But I love all your poems Esther. You always work rhymes in just the right way. General comments:

Esther Sylvester wrote:Life is going well for you,
but something still is missing. For these first two lines I would think questions would get me more interested. It would also add to the rhymes, but like I said above these are just my thoughts.
Could it be that all this time,
you just have not been wishing?

A wish is such a special thing,
as it keeps our hope alive.
But sticking with reality, "But" doesn't seem like the right word. The word but makes me think of a contradiction. I love you, but... This would sound better When....or by...
we push our hopes aside.

We are blinded by the normal
And guided by the sane I don't get this line you seem to be contradicting the one before it. You just said we are blinded by the normal. Do you mean insane, or am I not seeing something?
We follow the strict rules of life,
But now life just feels the same. Sane and Same don't rhyme, not that I could come up with a rhyme or anything.

Have you all simply forgotten? The word "simply" seems to throw off the rhythm to me.
The days when you were young? This shouldn't be a question mark. The only way it should be one is if you replaced the one on the line before this one with a comma, but I am not good with commas so I am not sure even this is correct.
When you dreamt of fairytales
Those days are not undone. I feel like this should have an exclamation point I read it in my mind like it did anyway. Without one it just doesn't seem as urgent.

Your dreams and hopes are with you,
They can never truly die. I would replace the word "can" with something more descriptive or specific.
So make a wish with all your heart,
And kiss your pains good bye.

This is really good, like I said before, and I don't have a ton to help you with. The last line doesn't make sense. Even if you did make a wish, you would still have to work for it, and your problems won't leave. You make it sound like everyone will be O.K.

Your poem has a certain simple touch that gives style to your writing. I really love it.

Wish I could have helped more,

A. S.

Hey,
I liked this poem. The ideas were really good and you explained them well. The only thing I disliked was the last line as it kind of just ended without any real conclusion. Everything flowing nicely until that last line so I would suggest you edit that bit. Other than that it was a wonderful poem- well done.
-Blossom

Ah! I read this poem before, but I guess I didn't comment on it. Anyways, just wanted to say hat this is one of my favorite poems! I'm a real insane person about not being sane (does that make sense?) so I love poems about not being normal. I also like the rhythm - rhymes give poetry something that really appeals to me.

Keep your head up in the sky, Esther!