"Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks" ~Waqas Ahmad
~~~
The park was silent besides the short high pitched laughs that came from small children. They ran around the park, sliding down the purple tubes. A few built sand castles inside the sandbox. They all had large grins and cheery faces. I was a tad envious of them. The park was empty, really. Population was about six including Luke and I. We sat on the swings, swaying back and forth. Sometimes I would purposely knock into him just to see his angry scowl. But I knew he was laughing inside, there was no way he could hide that crooked smile that lingered on his lips when he turned away.
I had skipped school, I knew it was bad thing but I feared running into Hunter. Staying at home alone was vexing, so I had gone out for a breath of air and Luke just happened to get home, notice I was gone, and knew exactly where to find me.
“Stop it, Liliah,” he nagged, “you’re intentionally being annoying.” Kicking my seat with his shoe, he sent me flying to the left. I grabbed hold of the bar to keep from swinging back and colliding with him.
“Geez, why do you talk like that?” I muttered.
“Talk like what?”
“Like you know better than me, using bigger words and giving me that smarty-pants attitude,” I replied.
“I know I’m smarter than you,” he answered smugly, “but I don’t have an inferiority complex.” His hair flew across his eyes and he shook his head like dog, trying to get the strands out of his way. “And anyways, this is how I talk.”
“Do you think you could dumb it down for me sometimes?”
“No.”
My jaw dropped. “Why not?”
“If you want to get into college, you have to get smart. If I ever say a word you don’t know, look it up in a dictionary.”
“Why can’t you just tell me what it means?”
“Because it’ll be easier for you learn if you do the work yourself.”
My eyes slit. “Jerk.”
“Stupid.”
“Hey!’
“What?” He smirked.
“I’m not stupid.”
“Unintelligent, then?”
“Average.”
He laughed. “Okay, average. I like average anyway.”
“Would you like me better if I was smart?” I asked curiously.
“Depends,” he answered, gazing at the children. “Although, I like the way you are now. Being smart can sometimes be a burden. Ignorance is bliss, Liliah.” And just to make me angry, he added, “Do you know what that means?”
I growled and released the bar. “Of course, I know what that means!” Just as our bodies were about to crash, he reached his arms out, grabbing my swing’s handles. I jolted to a stop, and felt an electric shock as my knees touched his legs.
A grin released itself over my face and he flashed a row of white teeth. Finally, he let go. I swung back and forth again. “Maybe your parents were smart, that’s why you’re a genius too.”
“I wouldn’t know.” He looked up at the azure sky. Luke’s smile disappeared along with the sun as clouds rolled over it, vanquishing the shadows. “I don’t remember my Father, in fact, I don’t recall there ever being a man at home. My Mother’s face is vague image in my mind.” He turned to me, his dark ebony eyes were the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen. “You remind me of my Mother sometimes.”
Frowning, I disliked how I reminded him of abandonment. Of all the people in the world, why her? “Oh,” was the only thing that made it out of my mouth.
The wind decided to interlace with his fine strands of raven hair. Aggravated, he pulled his hoodie up, casting a shadow underneath his eyes. Then, a hand reached out and patted my head. His fingers felt like being hit by bolts of lighting, each ruffle send a shockwave down my spine. Peeking up at him, I saw his lips stretch into a smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” he answered. “You’re not my Mother.”
You’re right. I would never abandon you.
~~~
I was outside of Luke’s door, my hand resting on his door knob. Slowly, my wrist turned and the door cracked open. His room was still bland, white walls and gray bed sheets were messily sprawled across his bed.
“Liliah,” Luke said surprised, “something wrong?” He was sitting on the bed with a book in his hand.
My foot lifted and I took a step forward. I was wearing my night dress, one of the nicer ones I had in my closet but he didn’t notice it. Luke just continued staring at me as I approached him on the bed. Lifting a brow, he placed his book onto his bedside table.
“Did you need something?”
The desire to do something bad was coursing through my veins as my heart drummed. Standing before him, I silently lifted my leg until I straddled over his lap. He blinked, confused at first but his hands found their place against my waist in the end. Every sense was on fire, burning with lust. Leaning forward, my lips finally tasted him and I fell deep into a bottomless pit. Strong muscles pulled me in, chest to chest until there wasn’t an inch of space between us.
“Liliah,” he whispered between his breaths. His soft mouth was so inviting, I couldn’t stop myself from yearning for more. Fingers pulled at the buttons on his shirt, wanting skin-ship.
I groaned, unconsciously.
Liliah…Liliah…Liliah.
My grasp tightened and suddenly, there was something wrong with Luke’s voice. My eyes flashed open instantly. I was in my bed, my body sweating and hot. It was just a dream. Dear god.
“Are you okay?” Luke hovered over me with frightened eyes. “Did you have a nightmare? You’re sweating…” He put his knuckles on my forehead, testing for a fever. Quickly, I slapped his hand away. My chest burned but I refused to delight it with his touch.
“I’m fine,” I muttered. “It’s just hot in here.”
Luke tilted his head, quizzically. “Well, hurry up and get ready. Dianne left early this morning and we’re almost late for school.”
“Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute.”
After giving me another concerned look, he nodded and left.
A brief sigh escaped my lungs and I fell back onto my bed. Staring at the blank ceiling I wondered why in the world I would dream such a thing. Biting my tongue, I refused to acknowledge the deep feeling that was slowly arising inside of me. After a minute, I convinced myself that it was just sisterly love mixed with gratitude for his chivalry. With a satisfied smile, I finally lifted myself off the bed to start another day.
~~~
We walked to school, our footsteps stepping with the same pace. His left foot lifted the same time my right foot lifted. I grinned at that.
“Are you okay?” Luke’s voice slithered into my ears. I would never forget this voice. It was silent, deep, powerful, deadly yet beautiful.
“Hm?” It took me a second to realize what he was referring to. It had been three days since the incident with Hunter. I didn’t go to school on Monday, but Luke did. He informed me that Hunter hadn’t checked in that day. The second day, I convinced myself to go and we didn’t find Hunter that day either. But today…I wasn’t sure if he would show up or not. Part of my wanted him to, so I could confront him and release myself from this tension. The feeble side of me wanted him to disappear so I would never need to think of him again.
“Luke,” I replied with assurance, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
As the swarm of students came into view, Luke grasped my hand, halting me. Following his gaze, I spotted Hunter sitting on the concrete stairs near the main entrance. Like a black hole, I felt my heart being swallowed up and stepped back with a gulp.
Nonetheless, Luke tightened his hold on my wrist and pulled me forward. The passing student bodies blurred my vision and the only thing I could see was Hunter’s stunned expression as he lifted his gaze on our approach. I didn’t want Luke to squeeze my wrist; I wanted to hold his hand.
We stopped in front of him and I flashed him a quick look before turning my attention to the floor. He was bruised, just enough to get past the teachers without raising any definite questions. Behind Hunter, a few tall boys stood – probably from the basketball team. Luke and Hunter had an all out battle of who had the deadliest glare. That was, until Luke finally broke the shaking silence.
“If I hear any strange rumors, or if I ever see you next to Liliah again, you’d better start sleeping with one eye open.”
Hunter flinched and lowered his head.
One of the taller boys put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, man, what’s he talking about?”
Shrugging the hand off his shoulder, he shook his head, telling him to back off. I could feel his eyes on me as he said, “I’m sorry, Liliah.”
I sank. A twisted feeling erupted in my gut and I grit my teeth. Those hands, those lips, that body…I didn’t like them. I didn’t like him.
“Don’t talk to her, either,” Luke ordered. “Not a word.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me away from him. Glancing at Hunter from over my shoulder, I could see him slump over and put his head into his hands, letting out some kind of groan.
~~~
During Lunch, I sat quietly next to Luke. Olivia was cussing out like she had never cussed a word in her life with all disgust pointed at Hunter.
“What an asshole. I can’t believe he got totally wasted and decided to do that. What was he thinking? Dear god, I feel like punching him. Luke, I’m actually glad you beat the crap out of him that day.” Her teeth pounded on the fork in her mouth, trying to bend the metal.
Luke’s lips pressed together. “However, I do think I should have hurt him a little more.”
A fist slapped the table, sending a rippling vibration. “You should have!” Olivia growled. “Liliah, how can you just sit still like this?”
I bit my lip, thinking.
“Let her be,” Luke whispered.
I could feel the hard look Olivia gave me on my skin and it made me prickle. Even so, I kept my gaze on the dried potatoes in my plate. What was I to do? What possible path could I take to end this uneasy feeling that I got with Hunter. Already, I had made rearrangements in my schedule so I didn’t bump into Hunter. Luke had gone far enough to convince Mr. Roberts to change my seat next to his. But distance couldn’t burn the anxiety.
Turning to Luke, I gave him a weak smile. He forced his lips to curve up in return and I knew he was thinking the same thing. Forcefully taking a bite of the disgusting mashed potatoes, I decided to confront Hunter. Whatever it was, I needed to face this problem head on. I couldn’t forgive, but I could at least say how much I hated him for doing what he did and how much I wished he could be beaten up a thousand times and more. He’ll never understand what he made me feel, never understand how much it hurt, that betrayal.
After lunch I went straight to the English hall where I knew Hunter would pass through. As I stood at the corner, waiting for him, I tried to gather my thoughts.
There, through the mist of students I found him. He was dressed in his usual jeans and loose navy blue shirt with some graphic art on it. His blonde hair was wispy and looked like it hadn’t been brushed. Hallow blue eyes roamed the hall lifelessly and I kept down the urge to hit him or jump on him like a wild animal. My heart was pounding as fear and hatred were scorching with all desire to destroy. Yet, I kept clam, pinching my arm in order to keep a straight face.
“Hunter,” I called his name through the thicket of bodies.
Raising his head to face me, he looked stunned. Of course, why would I come here? Why would I say anything? But I needed to talk.
“Liliah,” he said, cocking his head to make sure it was really me. He kept his distance. “I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” I hissed lowly. “I don’t think I could ever forgive you. You should have respected my decision, whether I had feelings for someone else or not is my concern. You can’t…you can’t just force yourself like you did. You think that just because you kiss me, I’ll end up liking you? Did you think you could make me like you more? See you as a man? Never.” I was sure to keep my voice barely a whisper. The last thing I needed was for the rumor to spread out and all hell to break loose. “You were nothing but a friend, a brother I looked up to. Hunter, I cared about you and I knew how you felt. I just couldn’t do it, not with you and not ever. I hope you don’t do something this stupid to anyone else.” There was no spark between Hunter and me, nothing that made my heart beat or my palms sweaty.
Even after all I said he still had the decency to ask, “So you really like Luke, then?”
Without hesitation my hand lifted to smack his cheek. The sound of my palm across his skin had students turning their heads, whispering and looking at me with wide eyes. Liliah, the saint, had just slapped someone. Not just anyone, but her own friend. Friendship was such a cruel, terrible thing. So delicate and frail, it could easily shatter into a million pieces and never be put together again. How much you could love it and hate it at the same time. How you could yearn for it and throw it away, to use it and abuse it. I was sickened by Hunter and I wished we had never met.
“Don’t you dare bring Luke into this! He’s my brother and I love him as a brother only.” As the words left my lips, I begged God to make them true. But I knew it was a lie. Luke, my oh-so-great brother, had reached deep into the softest spot of my heart. A part of me I’ve never really known. Never had I really fallen for a boy, only fictional characters or movie stars. Luke was different, he was a passion I couldn’t touch and that made me want him more. But I couldn’t let Hunter know this, this was my secret. My taboo.
Hunter put a hand to his cheek, with raw bewilderment. With eyes as wide as and Owl’s and jaw as tight as a rubber band, he glared at me.
“Liliah.” It was his voice that stopped my trembling fingers, his voice that calmed my heart. Why? I wanted to know the answer to this simple question. Why did it have to be Luke? I was as stubborn as a mule but if Luke told me not to do it, if Luke told me to study for a math test, to watch a movie to do the dishes, I would do it, whether I liked it or not.
I stared into his dark eyes and his face that resembled a messy rogue baring a scarred heart with contentment.
“Luke.” As I said his name, his attention made it to Hunter and his slitting eyes narrowed.
“What’s going on here?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I answered, not wanting anything to get more complicated than it already was. “I was just leaving, come on Luke.” My hands reached for his sleeve in an effort to pull him away. He didn’t budge. “Luke, come on,” I pressed. Finally, he ripped his stare off of Hunter and walked away with me.
“Why were you with him?” He asked the question I was hoping he wouldn’t.
“I just wanted to say a few things.”
“About what? What could you possibly say to him?”
“I just wanted to express myself, Luke. Please, don’t think I went to accept his apology.”
He went silent.
“Don’t be mad at me,” I begged.
A sigh left his lips and his hand lifted to my head, patting it like a dog. “I’m not mad. I’m actually quite surprised that you decided to confront this. Are you okay for real now?”
Even if I were a genius, I could never explain the glee that went through me at that point. “Yes!”
A grin spread across his cheek and I felt my heart flutter. “Good then.”
I wrapped my hands around his arm. The nice thing about this was, I could touch him and no one could say a thing. Although, that was as far as I could ever go.
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