What Sarah Said

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(Just to let you all know, this is a lesbian love story--a one-shot. There's no explicit sex or anything. But, there is some subject matter that may be a bit adult for some young teens.)


7 pm on a September evening. I drowse in my armchair as a song finishes up on the radio. The announcer comes on, announcing that the singer was one of the countless teen starlets with her latest single. I’m pleasantly surprised. That girl has a voice beyond her years.
Settling in my chair, I almost sink into sleep when my phone rings. I pick it up.
“Hello?”
“Chloe? I really need your help right now.”
It’s her.
I try to control the worry, the excitement in my voice, “Of course. What’s wrong?”
“My daughter just came out.”
“Came out? You mean…”
“Yes. She told us she’s a lesbian.”
I’m chuckling, leaning back. “I’m not surprised. All my predictions are spot on.”
“Oh, shut up, Chloe,” I can still hear the smile in her voice, even when she tries to be firm. “Peter told her to leave.”
“Leave?” I grasp the situation right away. I stand up. I pace. “Where are you? Where’s Melanie?”
“We’re fine. I’m with her right now. She’s a mess, sobbing in the backseat and…well, I was…”
“You don’t even have to ask.” I’m already peering out the window. “Come here right away.”
“Thank you, Chloe. Thank you.”
“Anything for you, love.”
She hangs up. I hold the phone to my chest. Then I turn away and survey my house.
It’s mostly clean, except for the wine bottle and the empty glass beside it. I put the wine in the refrigerator, the glass in the sink. Then I go upstairs to change clothes. She’d be guilty if she saw me in my bathrobe.
I don my sweater and pajama pants. I’m in the bathroom, wondering if I could use a tad more make-up when the doorbell rings.
And of course, Walker runs to the door and starts yipping at it.
“Oi! Walker!” I’m running down the stairs, telling the hyper mutt to go back to sleep even as I’m wrenching over the door.
There she is. She smiles at me. She’s as perfect as ever, as lovely as ever. I smile at her.
“Thank you,” she says. “For taking us in.”
It’s when I register Sarah Johnson’s seventeen-year-old behind the woman herself, peering at me tentatively. She’s a mess, mascara and eye shadow ringing her eyes. She looks like some sad raccoon.
“Come in,” I stand aside. Both of them have suitcases. The sight of Sarah’s sends a thrill through me.
“Now, Melanie will have the biggest guest room,” I tell Sarah. Melanie looks a bit shell-shocked; arms wrapped around herself, face caught between sadness and fury. She’s in no state to argue sleeping arrangements, let alone register them.
Sarah reaches for me as I take Melanie’s bags. “Let me help you with that…”
“There’s no need. I may be forty-three, but I’m still damn limber.”
Sarah laughs mirthlessly. “What can I do?”
“Do you know where the brandy is? The hot chocolate?” I smile inwardly as Sarah nods. Of course she does. She knows everything about this house.
“Good,” I continue. “Give her half hot chocolate and half brandy.”
“Half? I thought it was mostly hot chocolate.”
I glare at Sarah, albeit without any real heat. “Look at your daughter. The state she’s in, the original recipe won’t work. Do as I say.”
We go our ways. I put Melanie’s suitcase on the bed and do a quick inspection. Spotless, save for the occasional dust-covered surface.
I head for the kitchen. Sarah’s already setting the mug in front of Melanie, and she smiles at me. It’s one of gratitude, but I can already feel the tension between us.
I return the smile and focus on Melanie. Sarah sits beside her daughter.
“What happened?” I ask no one. The question hangs in the air. Melanie sips and coughs. Sarah winces. But the color returns to Melanie’s pale face and she sniffles, her face contorted in agony.
“I told my mom and dad I was a lesbian. Mom took it well. Dad didn’t,” tears leak from under the circles of make-up.
“He told me to get out. And Mom gets up and starts yelling at him—no, screaming at him. Saying that I’m his daughter, that he’s supposed to love me no matter what. Dad’s kind of quiet, saying that he just needs me to get out and to let him wrap his head around this.
Mom says, ‘This? This? There is no “this”. There is you, your daughter, her sexuality and your fucking homophobia.’”
“I still can’t believe I swore.” Sarah mutters.
“The situation called for it, Sarah.” I shrug. “Go on, Melanie.”
“Dad says that Mom could leave. ‘It’s not that simple,’ he says. ‘There’s so many factors to this.’ And Mom just says that there’s only one thing to do—accept me for being a lesbian. She told Dad that you were a lesbian and that he’d knew.”
“I am, Melanie.” I smile. “And proud of it.”
Melanie smiles wanly back, finishing up her story, “Dad said she—you weren’t important. After that, Mom just packed and left.”
She’s quiet after that. Sarah shoots me a look. And I reach across the table, taking Melanie’s hands in my own.
“Melanie, you have to realize there are people who will accept you and people who won’t. You had your first experience with intolerance today and it won’t be the last. But, are you sure?”
Melanie nods. “I locked myself in my room one day and looked at porn. Gay, straight, lesbian.”
Sarah looks surprised, then furious. She opens her mouth, but I beat her to the punch.
“That may not have been the most effective way, but at least you know. And you’re sure, right?”
“Yes.”
“Melanie, you have the right to love anyone you want. Just know that all this stuff about gender is bullshit.”
“Chloe.”
I ignore Sarah. “And you don’t let anybody, including your dad, tell you different. Love is two souls uniting, not about gender. Why do you think God created gay sex? And dildos?”
Melanie’s giggling, hiccupping laughs that sparkle in her eyes. Sarah’s now glaring at me, even if her mouth is trembling into a smile.
I finish up. “We’ll talk about this more in the morning. Take your hot chocolate and get some rest.”
Melanie obeys. Sarah and I both listen to her shuffle up to her room before we speak.
“Wine?” I break the silence.
“Please,”
I get a fresh wine bottle, a merlot. I get two oversized glasses. I fill one up one-quarters of the way, the other three-quarters. I give the latter to Sarah. She throws her head back and drinks. When she’s finished, the wine’s down to my level. She’s breathing hard. And she squeezes her eyes shut. Tears leak from her eyelids, trickling down her cheeks.
“Everything that happened was my worst nightmare, Chloe,” her voice is strained, trembling with the need to stay composed. I take her hand in mine.
“You knew Peter didn’t approve of gays and lesbians. What did you expect?”
“Divine intervention?” her voice breaks.
And that’s when I can’t take it anymore. I lean forward, kiss her. I swallow her pain, make her tears my own. I breathe in her shampoo, taste her minty breath. When I finally pull back, she’s more composed.
“This is why I ask you to not marry him.”
“I know,” she whispers.
“We were so secretive. We haven’t kissed in three years. We haven’t had sex in five.”
“Then there’s no time like the present, is there?” Sarah grins. Its equal parts sorrowful and anticipated. I laugh. I kiss her again, opening my mouth to let her in. And I can’t help but shiver.
“I missed you,” I whisper when the kiss ends, grasping at her shirt, her jacket. “I missed you so much.”
Sarah’s groping too, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And then there’s nothing more said. We communicate via touches, nudges. And the end result is wonderful.
Just like Sarah.
And we'll be a dream...

"Dee Dubbleyou." - BigBadBear




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oooOOOOOOHER! Ok, yea, I said I wouldn't, but I did, and I'm so happy I did because I loved this! You know I'm horrible at reviews, but you asked for it....

I loved it.

(Sorry mods, he asked for it!)

And there's your review =D

<3Doorbellbabe
Is he dancing with a little boy in spandex?!

~Papa Doorbell




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Heya Ross! Long time since I reviewed anything of yours. What happened to “Changing Seasons” anyways?

I won’t try to be too obsessive, but there are a few nitpicks that I wanted to point out.

7 pm on a September evening.


This is your opening line. And I feel I should slap you for it. It’s not terrible by any means but it isn’t much of a hook for one thing. Not only that, but it’s not a complete sentence. Starting off with a fragment isn’t usually something you want to do.

The announcer comes on, announcing that the singer


“announcer” and “announcing” are repetitive here.

“I told my mom and dad I was a lesbian. Mom took it well. Dad didn’t,” tears leak from under the circles of make-up.

“He told me to get out. And Mom gets up and starts yelling at him—no, screaming at him. Saying that I’m his daughter, that he’s supposed to love me no matter what. Dad’s kind of quiet, saying that he just needs me to get out and to let him wrap his head around this.


The speaker didn’t change. That means you don’t have to start a new paragraph.

Mom says, ‘This? This? There is no “this”. There is you, your daughter, her sexuality and your fucking homophobia.’”


I’m completely confused by your use of dialogue punctuation here. Usually, double quotes are on the outside while single quotes are used around words within the double quotes.


This really isn’t too terrible…not that I was expecting it to be or anything like that…honest…I wasn’t.

There was really one two things that I had any actual problem with. One was the way you used Mel to retell what happened. The dialogue seemed very forced and when dialogue sounds forced, I suddenly feel less connected to the story because it makes the characters seem less…people-like.
The other thing was the repetition of “I” and variations of “I” at the beginning of sentences. It makes reading it very tiresome.

But I did like the plot idea. It was obvious from the start that Chloe is into Sarah and that there is something between them. But I actually thought right off the bat that it was just a one sided thing. I like that it turned out to go both ways. Very nice and a great way to end a short story with a few questions. :D

PM me if you have any questions!

~lilymoore
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.




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Hey there, Ross! I haven't seen you in quite awhile. Interesting piece, here, on to the critique!


“Hello?”

“Chloe? I really need your help right now.”

It’s her.

I try to control the worry, the excitement in my voice, “Of course. What’s wrong?”

“My daughter just came out.”

“Came out? You mean…”

“Yes. She told us she’s a lesbian.”


Okay, so this is always something that bothers me. I know they are talking on the phone, but I think you should more description in a couple areas, at least. For example, stuff like 'I asked in confusion', or 'I said, smiling', or even 'I nodded to myself, fiddling with the remote as she spoke'. Stuff like that, though don't over do it. :D

I’m chuckling, leaning back. “I’m not surprised. All my predictions are spot on.”

“Oh, shut up, Chloe,” I can still hear the smile in her voice, even when she tries to be firm. “Peter told her to leave.”

“Leave?” I grasp the situation right away. I stand up. I pace. “Where are you? Where’s Melanie?”

“We’re fine. I’m with her right now. She’s a mess, sobbing in the backseat and…well, I was…”

“You don’t even have to ask.” I’m already peering out the window. “Come here right away.”

“Thank you, Chloe. Thank you.”

“Anything for you, love.”


That part of the dialogue is much better, and is a really good example of what I mean by the more description. So add more description like that to the beginning half, maybe? Just an idea. Also, a good source for you would probably be Dreamer's article in the Knowledge Base titled How to Get Rid of Talking Heads.

“Dad says that Mom could leave. ‘It’s not that simple,’ he says. ‘There’s so many factors to this.’ And Mom just says that there’s only one thing to do—accept me for being a lesbian. She told Dad that you were a lesbian and that he’d knew.”


That part of dialogue there is kinda confusing, in my opinion. It's difficult to tell who she is referring to and who says what. Maybe reword?

“That may not have been the most effective way, but at least you know. And you’re sure, right?”

“Yes.”

“Melanie, you have the right to love anyone you want. Just know that all this stuff about gender is bullshit.”

“Chloe.”


Once again, personal opinion. Add some more description? :)


That's pretty much all I thought would be good to change. I tried to make sure not to repeat anything Lily said, haha. Anyways, I really enjoyed this story. It gets you interested in the idea and it makes you care for the characters. Over all it's pretty good. Good luck, and I wish to read more of your stuff. :)

~Heather
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard appears "We have weasels now!"
[Firearris] 10:45 pm: askes the guard for the weasel!
[Griffinkeeper] 10:45 pm: The guard gives Firearris the Weasel.
[Firearris] 10:46 pm: aquires the weasel and renames it "Cat"

Take that, Lumi.




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As a bisexual, I thought that you captured the lesbian scene perfectly. I love that Sarah was a lesbian who was marrying a homophobe who didnt except his daugters sexuality. It's really good :)
They don't even know you
All they see is scars
They don't see the angel
Living in your heart
Let them find the real you
Buried deep within
Let them know with all you've got that you are not your skin
-Skin, Sixx:A.M




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Let me just say that I loved that you did a gay love story. I hate people that freak out over it, because you can't tell someone who to love, you know? The only thing that bugged me was I I I I. It seemed like you used I in the beginning of way to many sentences. And detail. You have to show us, more than tell us. It makes things more interesting. But I really did love it. Keep writing!

Sierra :mrgreen:
If you look deep enough you will see music; the heart of nature being everywhere music.
Thomas Carlyle

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu




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I really enjoyed this!
As I was reading this, I remembered all the fights I have gotten into because of how people don't like homosexuals.
A girl said that she wished that they would all die and fall of the Earth.
I punched her so hard I gave her a black eye. Because, my dear friend was sixteen when he committed suicide when his brother couldn't help but hating him for being gay.l
I always cry when I think about the idiotic twits that are to retarded to see true love, no matter the gender.
Thank you for posting this, i really enjoyed it and I wanted to also thank you for helping me remember about all my dear friend.
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love



As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda