I wrote this really quick, and i have no idea if it's any good. I don't know if i like the ending and i know there are a lot of punctuation with dialogue mistakes, i just can't seem to get it right. Could anyone possibly help? Tell me if you like the ending, or you think it's too sudden. Go ahead and rip it apart! There is one swear word of, "Asshole."
It was a crowded place so I was surprised I had seen you at all. Surprised that I could pick out your face, notice you hair, your eyes and recognize your laugh after a whole year apart - especially after I had tried so hard to forget. I’m surprised that my heart didn’t break right there and then, didn’t shatter into tiny, jagged pieces and fall on the floor to let you see. I was rooted to the floor not really noticing as I was shoved from left to right as people tried to get past and when they did I ignored the abuse that flowed with ease from their mouths. You were leaning against the bar with a couple of guys hanging around you. I watched as you chucked your head back and laughed at something one of them had said, watched as my beloved dimple popped up on your right cheek and the crinkles around your beautiful blue eyes appeared. You took a drink from a tall glass of beer and a small dot of froth remained on your top lip when you placed it back down. The guy in front of you pointed it out with a sarcastic laugh and you wiped it off with a swipe of your hand and a good natured chuckle. You looked out and appraised the crowd with an admiring eye, you didn’t notice me though. Maybe it was because of my height, too short to been seen among the giants of the world, something that you use to always tease me about but also adored as well. You said it had made you feel like you could protect me from everything and anything, pick me up and rush me away from any danger, but I guess you never thought that you would be the one to hurt me. I guess I couldn’t really blame you though, the odds were against us. My parents had always thought you were a bad influence, they couldn’t see the person I saw in you. They just saw the act you put on for everyone, the tough boy, the person that you tried so hard to be so nobody could push you around. That was probably half the reason they had decided to move me during the school year, try to get me as far away from you as possible. But I had always believed in long-distanced relationships and you had decided to give it a try because you didn’t want to loose me. But I guess after a couple of months it just got to hard for you, because the letters didn’t arrive so fast and when they did they weren’t long and full of exciting stories about what you had been up to, they were distant and you didn’t produce me with any information about yourself, you just answered my questions. And eventually they stopped altogether. I didn’t get a ‘goodbye’ or a ‘I’m sorry’ I just got an empty mail box, something that hurt so much more than any words you could write, something that left a mark and stung every second of everyday. I thought I had been in love, I thought you had been too, but obviously I was way off. I looked around your little group of guys to see if I could see her, they one you had left me for, because there had to be someone that was better than I was. But there was no one that I could see, not unless I countered the bar tender that was flirting with you across the counter. I took the long way to the bar, edging my way through the masses of people. Someone had turned up the music and I had lost track of your voice and laughter.
“Four raspberry and cokes, please.” I told the bar tender, the one that wasn’t distracted by you. She nodded and began fiddling with switches, glasses and chunks of ice. I concentrated my attention on her instead of letting my eyes wonder, because I knew where they would fall if I did, and I was too scared that you had noticed me now. Noticed the short girl hiding at the end of the bar, the girl you used to love, the girl whose heart you broke. The lady serving me came back up from below the counter, looking a little flustered with the large group of people swarming around the bar, especially since one of her employees was obviously distracted.
“Cynthia!” She snapped, and waved her hand at the waiting customers. Cynthia sighed and reluctantly heaved herself off the counter and left you with your friends, who were encouraging the interest from her.
“That will be eleven dollars and sixty cents,” she told me. I waved my card at her and she pointed towards the eftpos machine which sadly was closer to you. And now that I had let myself slip I noticed you had seen me. Your smile had slipped from your face, slowly rearranging into surprise and shock. Your friends had turned to see what had caught your attention, but they didn’t know who I was so they were knocking your arms and raising their eyebrows and trying to shove you over to me. I was close enough now to hear your deep voice run over me, pulling me in. To hear the slurred words of your friends encouragement.
“She’s hot, go talk to her,” one said.
“Get her number,” another laughed. I tried not to look up to let you know that I could hear you, to let you see that I still cared, that all I wanted to do was go and talk to you, to hug you, to hear you say that you still cared about me.
“Do you have any ID on you?” The lady, whose name tag said, Anna, asked me. I shook my head,
“I’m not buying any alcohol.”
“Doesn’t matter, I still need to see some form of identific—“
“I got this.” It was your voice and I could feel your body heat right behind me.
“It’s fine.” I mumbled, “You don’t have too.” You didn’t reply as you handed over a ten dollar bill and waited for the change, and I didn’t know what to say. I guess thank-you would have been suitable but I couldn’t move my mouth even for a cough. My heart thudded and my knees threatened to collapse from under me. I turned around so my back was resting against the edge of the counter, holding me up, keep me steady. I looked up, you seemed to have grown more, making me feel even smaller than you used to and your eyes looked a brighter blue, making me feel all fluttery. Your hair was cut shorter and it looked a little wet like you had just come out of the shower. I watched as you appraised me up and down as well, taking in my longer hair that I had taken time to curl, my dress which my sister had forced me into which was way to short and made me feel uncomfortable and finally the birthday crown.
“Happy Birthday, Alisha,” you said eventually, “Seventeen today, right?”
“Yes,” I said weakly, my voice coming out barely audible, “I’m just here with my sister and a couple of friends.”
You nodded and looked around, expecting to see them running towards you and screaming at you to leave me alone. And if Rachel did see, I wouldn’t put it past her to do just that. My sister was very protective of me, especially since she knew I was still hurting.
“Well, I hope you’re having fun,” you said and rocked backwards on your feet, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your jeans. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to say that I wasn’t and I’d rather be at home watching some soppy movie alone in my room with some ice-cream. Someone trying to get their drink at the counter shoved me and I stumbled forward, you caught me in your arms and asked if I was okay. I couldn’t speak I had to try and control my breathing, you were so close and your skin was so warm against my bare arms. As though the physical contact had triggered something in you, your eyes melted and became apologetic. I knew you were about to apologise and tears welled in my eyes. With all the effort I had in me I stepped away from you, leaving the embrace of your warmth.
“I’m so sorry, Alisha,” you said, shaking your head and trying to bring words to your mouth. I held up my hand instantly stopping you.
“Don’t,” I whispered. “I don’t want to hear it.” I turned around and grabbed the four drinks awkwardly between two hands and tried to get past you.
“I still love you, Lisha. I always have, you have to let me explain.” You used the name you used to call me, making a lump form in my throat. I tried to shake my head and tell you that I couldn’t talk to you, I couldn’t let you see how weak I’ve become.
“Please.” You whispered and my self control crumbled. I agreed to talk after I had given the drinks to Rachel. You told your friends what you were doing, and they slapped you on the back and grinned widely, seeming to think that you were in with a stranger. But I was no stranger. Rachel wanted to know why I was talking to you and why I had agreed to go and sit with you.
“You know he’s not good for you, Al. Erik’s an asshole, and you need to forget him.”
But I ignored her and let my feet take me to the corner of the room where you already sat with a drink of beer in front of you and a drink for me. Raspberry coke of course, you knew that was my favourite. You knew everything about me.
“How come you’re back?” You asked. You didn’t sound rude though, your voice was soft.
“Dad’s job got moved back here.” I answered.
“So you’re back for good?” You asked.
“Yes,” I nodded, and took a sip of my drink. I could feel we were getting looks from your friends and some evil glares towards you from Rachel. You nodded and seemed delighted by the news, and I couldn’t help but feel happy that you wanted me here. But I had to ask, I had to get everything out into the open.
“You didn’t write back.” I stated, and crossed my arms defensively.
“No.” You didn’t even try and deny it, “But only because your parents rung and told me to ease it off with you, and not to keep in contact.”
My mouth fell open and I gawked at you, “They what?”
“They rang me a few weeks after you left. They said they didn’t want you to be going out with someone older than you, especially by three years. So I did what they asked me to do even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve gone to ring you before, at times when I thought your parents wouldn’t be home, but I always wimped out and hid my phone from myself.”
“Why would you just give up?” I asked, weakly.
“Because I didn’t want your parents to start hating you for going out with me, so I gave you up.”
“I don’t want you to give me up. I don’t care about my parents, I want to be with you, I love you!” I almost yelled, and reached for your hand. You held on tightly and nodded.
“And I love you too.”
“So can we make this work?” I wondered, “Even with the pressure from my parents?”
“If you’re willing to try, so am I.” You said, and reached across the table to kiss me, making it the happiest moment of the last year.
Please review
Tell me what you think about the ending, because i'm really unsure about it. 
