Sewers

This is a poem i wrote for English, but i thought that i'd post it. I'm not sure what type of poem it is. It might be free verse, i don't really know.

Twisting, turning, subterrean.
A maze, a labyrinth, a series of portals.
It's entrances are round, seen on the roads of the surface world.
It's a hiding place, an unseen place, a place nobody wants to go to.
Mysterious, merciless, marrooned underground.
It hides many secrets, it's a treacherous place.
Thousands, millions of them, twisted and cruel.
They're plastic, metal, black, white.
Smooth, slippery, rusted, abandoned.
Like tunnels, no cars, only water.
They can help you, but they could destroy you.
It's the place mothers warn children about.
It's disgusting, it smells bad, it's terrible.
These roads underground, endless, multiplying.
Twisting, turning, treacherous.

max8537 wrote:This is a poem i wrote for English, but i thought that i'd post it. I'm not sure what type of poem it is. It might be free verse, i don't really know.

Twisting, turning, subterrean. Incorrect spelling of "subterranean".
A maze, a labyrinth, a series of portals.
It's entrances are round, seen on the roads of the surface world. NO APOSTROPHE FOR A POSSESSIVE "IT"!
It's a hiding place, an unseen place, a place nobody wants to go to.
Mysterious, merciless, marrooned underground.
It hides many secrets, it's a treacherous place.
Thousands, millions of them, twisted and cruel.
They're plastic, metal, black, white.
Smooth, slippery, rusted, abandoned.
Like tunnels, no cars, only water.
They can help you, but they could destroy you.
It's the place mothers warn children about.
It's disgusting, it smells bad, it's terrible.
These roads underground, endless, multiplying.
Twisting, turning, treacherous.

Interesting and descriptive poem. I like the ending and the vagueness of it all. Makes me conjure various pictures in my mind of places you could be talking about. If you hadn't titled this "Sewers" I may not have known specifically what you were talking about too, which isn't a bad thing. One thing I thought you could improve is that you told a lot, but should instead show more. You told that it can destroy you, that it smells bad and is terrible, but you should explain these features more poetically without just straight up saying it. I think it could push the poem to a new level. I like the comparison to roads, as if the sewers are some underground dystopia. My only question is if making each line one sentence was part of the structure or you just like to do that, because you might want to consider experimenting with when your sentences end in future poems.

Overall that's my face value critique. I hope it helped, keep writing!

max8537 wrote:This is a poem i wrote for English, but i thought that i'd post it. I'm not sure what type of poem it is. It might be free verse, i don't really know.

Twisting, turning, subterranean.
A maze, a labyrinth, a series of portals.
It's entrances are round, seen on the roads of the surface world.
It's a hiding place, an unseen place, a place nobody wants to go to.
Mysterious, merciless, marooned underground.
It hides many secrets, it's a treacherous place.
Thousands, millions of them, twisted and cruel.
They're plastic, metal, black, white.
Smooth, slippery, rusted, abandoned.
Like tunnels, no cars, only water.
They can help you, but they could destroy you.
It's the place mothers warn children about.
It's disgusting, it smells bad, it's terrible.
These roads underground, endless, multiplying.
Twisting, turning, treacherous.

good job with the imagery; i really felt it. I made the two grammatical corrections in the quote. It seems like there is a deeper meaning underneath these words. I'm not sure what though. It's obscure and you did a great job at accomplishing that. You have experience with poetry I'm sure. the way you use your words is interesting. I love how you used the word subterranean! I like that word.
this was great description: Mysterious, merciless, marooned underground.
But this line was quite cliche: It hides many secrets, it's a treacherous place.

Nice job overall! Keep writing