long road to my heart

Walking in lonely roads , i feel lost

Haters desire evil , rust

you in my heart , i feel free

missing you wilking walking lonely roads

my heart warms the good and rejects the bad

all our memories that we have had

i believed in your love , i'm glad

there is a long road to my heart

you have to be strong and hold on strong enough

dont worry , you are always welcome home!

Afterall you've been through

my heart will serve you daily

call me and i'll be there

no day or second is occupied

you can control my heart as you like

but i'm fragile !! Please dont break me!

love me , care for me and we will walk together and live at my place , my heart

24/ 7 vacancies and service .



GLAD TO BE AT YOUR SERVICE!

Hi, and welcome to the site. I hope to see you around. I am sorry If my review is harsh.

SoulRider wrote:Walking in lonely roads, i I feel lost.

Haters desire evil , rust.

yYou in my heart , i I feel free Do you mean With you in my heart? The way you phrased this it just sounded funny.

missing you, wilking (this is not a word) walking lonely roads

my heart warms the good and rejects the bad

all our memories that we have had

i I believed in your love , i'm glad

there is a long road to my heart. This makes it seem that he/she got cheated on somehow. Later now they like to think of the happy moments, but they are still glad they didn't let you in all the way. But, later you make it seem like they want the other person back. It confused me.

you have to be strong and hold on strong enough

don't worry , you are always welcome home!

Afterall After all you've been through

my heart will serve you daily

call me and i'll be there

no day or second is occupied

you can control my heart as you like

but i'm fragile !! Please don't break me!

love me , care for me and we will walk together and live at my place , my heart

24/ 7 vacancies and service . There shouldn't be the space there.



GLAD TO BE AT YOUR SERVICE!

I suggest going over this poem looking for grammar mistakes. This poems is like one run on sentence that has commas put in at the oddest places. The result is choppy. When you read it out loud it sounds like you were trying to make it rhyme or have rhythm or something. But, you don't have either. I suggest reading it out loud. Make sure to pause at the end of each line and each time you have a comma, exclamation point, or period. Try to make it sound smoother. I also suggest putting Capitals at the beginning of each line or the beginning of each sentence.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

Hi SoulRider! Welcome to the Young Writers' Society! I hope you will get some good reviews here, as well as do a bit of reviewing, yourself. Wish to see you around!

You don't have too many mistakes here, other than those which Calligraphy corrected. I noticed, however, that she switched all of your lowercase "I"s to capital ones. In poetry, it's fine to have lowercased "I"s. In that event, though, you should make sure all of your letters are lowercased, so people don't think you've changed your proper nouns into common nouns by mistake.

Once again, welcome to YWS!

- Abigail

hello I'm gonna review for ya' today.
Blue = great how it is
Red = didn't make sense try re- writing a little
Green = extra super-duper liked this
Orange = Spelling mistake

Walking in lonely roads , i feel lost

Haters desire evil , rust

you in my heart , i feel free

missing you wilking walking lonely roads

my heart warms the good and rejects the bad

all our memories that we have had

i believed in your love , i'm glad

there is a long road to my heart

you have to be strong and hold on strong enough

dont worry , you are always welcome home!

Afterall you've been through

my heart will serve you daily

call me and i'll be there

no day or second is occupied

you can control my heart as you like

but i'm fragile !! Please dont break me!

love me , care for me and we will walk together and live at my place , my heart

24/ 7 vacancies and service .

a few other things you have some spelling and grammar mistakes and just go through this with spell check. also where it says "but I'm fragile!!" you don't need 2 exclamation points so get rid of one I don't care if it's the one on the right or the left just part with one of them
ALSO cap your I 's I know how hard it can be to remember to do that but just read through it again and make sure the all your single I's are caps

OVER ALL I like this it has a sense of hope about it, and we all need more hope in our lives.
great job keep it up!
~Adeera