Life's Agony

What chaos we know as life.
Every moment spent racing to our deaths.
Scurrying like rats through scum.

Our culture is one of greed,
contempt and utter hatred
for all those around us.

This world is deformed,
disfigured beyond all recognition
For the most disgusting souls rule over us.

With their madness
and blood lust
peace escapes us.

Those like I understand logic,
compassion and forgiveness
but those like our overlords
shun us for they know
only hatred.

They preach things that breed
ignorance, which has
spread through our world like a plague.

What intolerance they know.
What selfish acts they have committed
have destroyed us
and our once great home.

Ages ago,
in a tine past
creativity flourished ,
bursting from our minds and hearts.

The darkness was scarce,
blind to everything around it.

But now,
as a new day dawns it awakens.

Greeting us with renewed strength.
Because in truth we have lost the will
to change.

Our lack of unity has disintegrated
the world around us,
binding every limb
we have
our every bit of humanity.

Oblivion has taken our minds,
Our souls,
Our very essence
and trapped it.

Slowly turning us into animals.
mindless beasts with only one goal.

To fill an insatiable appetite for war
For destruction,greed,
and watching the innocent burn.

If we do not change.
If we do not open our minds
our hearts will become cold,
ice as we fade away
Eventually shattering,
leaving any hope of light
in an abyss we created.

Hey there,

I think the most interesting thing about this poem of yours is the topic. In cultural poetry that rebels against something, like you seem to be doing here - modern day, how its run and all this - it is important to raise a subject in question. I love the way your language shows your passionate opinion of the topic too. Such as "disgusting souls" to describe our leaders. It's very powerful language, which is good. However, nearer the end, your topic seems to drift, starts getting a bit surreal rather than powerful in the language, such as "watching the innocent burn". Sure, we could relate man's disasters to that line, but it seems surreal too. I think you need to be careful with the length too. This is because the effect becomes less so as you bring up more surrounding points. The ending is admirable, but too definitive as well. You're basically saying there'll be no hope of good, no hope of "light". It makes the whole effect of the poem seem too dark and I think the ending would benefit from being thought provoking as opposed to definitive.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's short but it should help.
Keep it up, Ben.

Thanks. This was actually what I was originally going to do for my talent show, but they said it was too dark. They loved it though. You should have seen me perform it, and their faces as I did. Thank you for your comment and I will look at the ending.