The Audition

Umm, ok, this was based on what I thought was a pretty good concept, but I'm not sure if I managed to do it justice. I always seem to come up with ideas I like, and then I'm never certain if I really got anything good from them. I'm worried it's so straight forward that the original idea is lost completely. Well, any thoughts would be great! Sorry it's so long...

The Audition

Darkness stretches far on either side of me
but in front the light is blinding.
I’m making a conscious effort to
slow my breathing,
but I’m only making it worse;
lots of shallow gulps instead of
heaving gasps;
I begin to feel light-headed.

There are footsteps,
coming closer,
and a figure appears,
silhouetted in the narrow space before me.
I can’t see their face, but they are familiar.
They brought me to this place.

I’m in agony; I can’t do it.
I will follow them back through the dark to safety and certainty.
But as they pass, they whisper to me,
“It’s now or never.”
And a hand in the small of my back pushes gently.

The floorboards are dusty,
and creak alarmingly as I stumble forward,
elegant as ever,
and blink in the glare.

I can see nothing.

I stand and blink stupidly for
several painful seconds,
until a voice comes from somewhere beyond the light.

“Please stand on the cross.
We will tell you when we are ready for you to begin.”

I can only nod,
and shuffle forward to the indicated position.
I waste time arranging my feet neatly on the cross,
not wanting to look up.
But, of course,
when I eventually do,
I can see nothing anyway.
I had thought that would help – no such luck.
I am clueless, defenceless;
exposed and at their mercy.

I hear every sound,
sharp and deafening;
the shuffling of papers,
the click of a biro being readied for action,
the scraping of a chair.
But then, silence.
The second of silence when the firing squad take aim,
and I tremble behind my blindfold of light.
I hear the intake of breath before they speak, as though it were a hurricane.

“You may begin.”

Oh my God.
My brain is ceasing to function.
I have rehearsed this for so long,
but the lines go out of my head,
and there is just the sickening feeling that the walls are
closing
in
on
me.
I gape at them, helplessly.
There is my prompt,
at the side,
hissing the words at me frantically.
It makes no sense to me.
I open my mouth, and whisper them.
I know I am failing.

“Could you repeat that please?”

But the lights are going wrong.
Suddenly I am plunged into darkness,
and there is his face.
His eyes staring into mine.
I no longer care about the right words.
His eyes have reminded me of their meaning.
It suddenly seems like the easiest and hardest thing in the world to
take a breath and say to him…

“I want you.”

… before the lights return
and I must throw my arms up to hide my face.
It is over.
I am beckoned away hastily,
and the darkness swallows me,
but it is no longer safe and certain.
I’m not sure if it ever will be again.

I am like a guilty defendant,
waiting for the verdict.
The wait will be long.

well, this was very much story-like and didn't really have anything but structure to define it as a "poem", per say. This was like a prose and even lacked poetic imagery, except for the grand first line, which was very good:

Darkness stretches far on either side of me

very good. i liked that for some reason. but otherwise...after that it sort of fell apart. you poured a lot of feeling into it, tough, and it made an excellent prose. =]

It is an exciting read.
I have to agree with xanthan gum though. It seems like the first line came to ur mind and you decided to write a poem. But then onwards, you lost your poem track. Still it's good to see that the rythm didn't break and so there's no problem if u leave it like this.

Hey, thanks to both of you, I know what you mean. This actually started life as a piece of prose! I wasn't sure if it worked that way, so I chopped it up a bit to make it look more like a poem, but i guess it still reads like prose. Yes, there is definitely a lack of structure! Well, maybe I could leave it like this, but call it chopped-up prose or something, instead of poetry? Anyway, thanks, it's great to know how other people read it.

hey, this was pretty good in terms of tension and bringing in emotions but i agree with the other reviewers, it would have been better if written as a piece of fiction instead. a little confusing near the end but the descriptions and imagery throughout were pretty good. You could improve this by introducing more rhythm and a better subject but overall, it does need a bit of work. great effort though!

~mez~