Spoiler
So this story is something I've been working on for the last couple of days. It was spurred off by a friend of mine telling me that in her creative writing lecture, the teacher said that sometimes writing out cliched short stories or the like can be good for a writer's development. That and cliched stories are quite entertaining to read. So I've decided to write a cliched story. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, but if I read in every comment 'this story is starting to be very cliched or something of the like, I will chuck a hissy fit. I know its cliched. That's why I wrote it. This is part one of chapter one. If you can think of a good name for this novel, let me know (read the summary before making a decision!) Gracias in advance fellow YWSers!
The cold night air hit my skin as I stepped out of Daniel’s car, goosebumps covering my bare arms. The wind whipped around my short skirt, causing the ruffles to flap about, and I tugged it down, somewhat conscious of the fact that it was too short. It was Emma’s skirt, so of course it was too short. I felt my eyes narrow as Emma pranced about on the sand before us, her skinny figure barely visible against the dark black of the water.
Warm arms slipped around my shoulders, and the jealous thoughts that only surfaced when alcohol was involved faded away into distant memory.
Daniel nuzzled his face into my neck, the touch of his lips brushing against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I pressed back against him, loving the way that I practically molded into his body. Daniel smelt like the ocean, salt clinging to him after each trip to the beach. Tonight stale smoke and beer threatened to mask that saltyness, but I was too wasted to bother.
Bringing his lips to my right ear, I heard Daniel lick his lips. “Babes, let’s go to Pier Two,” he whispered huskily. Something tingled within my stomach that had nothing to do with the vodka shots Emma and I had done earlier.
I knew what Daniel meant. What Pier Two meant. Everyone knew what Pier Two meant.
I opened my mouth to respond when a shrill cry came from Emma’s direction, and I saw her racing past us back to the parking lot. I ducked out from Daniel, keeping my hand in his as I turned to see what was the cause of Emma’s not so random outburst.
Two more cars - a small black Datsun and a faded blue van - had pulled up next to Daniel’s beat up Mustang, the rest of our friends - Tom, Mitch, Tamara and Tally - tumbled out in a drunken manner. Emma darted around to greet everyone, planting sloppy kisses everywhere before grabbing a bottle of something out of the van.
“Halley!” Emma yanked me away from Daniel, who had already moved to grab one of the skateboards from Mitch’s van. I ran to catch up with her as she pulled me towards the beach again, where we joined the other two girls in our circle of seven - Tamara and Tally, who were, surprise, surprise, twins.
“Guess who Mitch brought with him?” Tamara’s green eyes flashed with a mixture of excitement and being stoned. No doubt she’d inhaled something earlier, back at Mitch’s. Both twins had fiery red curls and green eyes, and at this time of night they looked like a pair of Irish banshees, ready to steal some poor guy’s heart. Which, by the end of the night, wouldn’t be far off the mark.
“Who?” I asked, feeling the alcohol I’d consumed pump through my veins like adrenaline.
“Shane Menzies,” Tally replied triumphantly, glancing in the direction of the boys. She had somehow taken the bottle of Bud off Emma, and she took a swig before handing it to Tamara. I followed her gaze, and sure enough standing next to the three boys in a rugby shirt was Shane, the new guy at Terra Valley Senior High, looking very hot but very out of place.
“Man, he is fine,” Tamara muttered under her breath, passing the bottle on to me. While the others mucked around on Tom’s skateboard, Shane just stood there, arms folded and looking wistfully in the other direction. As I put the bottle to my lips, his head turned, and our eyes met. That same tingle I’d felt earlier with Daniel returned. Handing the bottle back to Emma, I licked my lips.
“Why’s he here? I thought he’d be hanging out with J.C. Penney and crew by now,” I snorted, folding my arms against my chest. It was starting to get winder, the sea choppier. Invisible particles of salt stung my eyes.
“We wanted to see how bad he was,” Tally replied with a glint in her eye. I wondered what she - and the others - were up to.
“Plus he heard you were here Hals and he couldn’t say no.” Tamara and Emma fell against each other laughing. I whacked Tamara in the arm.
“Ha-di-ha-ha,” I muttered.
“We thought that we could get him to jump off the Plank,” Tally continued, adjusting her top. I raised my eyebrows. The Plank was an old part of the pier, about three quarters of the way out, which was partly eroded and looked like it was about to collapse. During the day young kids used it to play pirate games while their parents weren’t looking. During the night teenagers used it to dare friends or foe to jump off it. Tonight looked to be no exception.
“And we want you to walk him through it,” Tamara finished.
“What? No! I’m not going up there.” I shuddered. I loved San Diego and its beaches, but not at night time.
“Because,” Emma said, “It’s you he’s crushing on, so it’ll be you he listens to.” I looked at Emma. Her hair is styled short in a pixie cut, and there’s a small diamond stud in her nose. We’ve been friends for years and years, but sometimes I wonder why. Mainly while intoxicated.
From her, I look back up towards Shane, who was now holding a skateboard awkwardly.
“Plus, you look damn hot in that skirt,” Emma adds, whacking me on the butt. My skirt flared up behind me, and I pulled the back ruffles down again.
I cry out in surprise, shooting Emma a glare. She just grins at me, taking another sip of her beer.
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I'll do it.”
I started back up the beach, heading towards the boys. When I get there, I sidle up to Shane, trying my best to ignore Daniel. Of course he’s in on the whole thing, so I shouldn’t have to worry, but I can’t help it.
“Come to the pier with me?” I asked Shane, sliding my hand up his shoulder, my head following. When our eyes meet, I give him my most sexiest stare. He nods, and noticeably gulps. I take him by the hand, leading him away and down towards the pier. We walked down it for a while, in silence. Stopping, I turned around to face Shane. Behind him I can see everyone else, waiting and watching. I took a step forward, so that Shane and I are quite close together.
“Want to do something wild?” I grinned. Shane’s blue eyes stared back at me, and in my own haziness I couldn’t tell whether or not he’d been drinking as well.
“It depends…is it safe to be on here?” Shane asked, looking to his left, down at the waves that crashed against the wooden posts.
“Course it is. Everyone comes on here.” I tugged on Shane’s hand, bringing him closer to me. “Come on, it’ll be fun,” I whispered into his ear. My hands rest on his upper biceps, and I can feel his muscles through his shirt.
“For starters, you won’t be needing this.” I dropped my hands to the bottom of his shirt and pulled it upwards.
“Woah, what are you doing Halley?” Shane asked, pushing me back. My hands are ripped from his shirt, and a small, sober part of my brain starts to tell me that what I’m about to do is so completely wrong.
“I want to go swimming,” I said with a pouted lip to make myself look more sexy. Whether or not it was working, I don’t know, so I put a hand on my own shirt. “I’ll go if you go.”
Shane looked at me. “Are you mad? It’s too cold out there.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh come on, Shane, it’s just a little bit of fun. Everyone does it. And I’d be doing it with you.” I tried to make the last sentence sound as sexy as I could, but I don’t think it came out as well as I had hoped.
He looked at me, hesitation on his face, then back out at the water. It definitely looked too cold, and the water was getting choppier as we stood by the Plank. With one more look at me, Shane glanced back to where our group stood, watching and waiting in anticipation.
“Okay.”
He moved over towards the Plank, ripping his shirt off. I could see even in the darkness how well defined his muscles were.
“Okay?” I repeated, momentarily stumped. He was actually agreeing to it? Shane made his way to the edge of the Plank, taking a deep breath.
“Okay.” Shane turned to look at me, and jumped into the freezing Pacific Ocean.
So, my reviews work like this: Grammar, then plot, then overall. Let's begin.
I didn't know that that was your point and now, I think you are quite right, actually.