Disease

I sit in the bottom of the shower
And let the water clean me of your kisses.

It’s been five months
But I can’t get your scent off me.

I cut my hair shorter
So I can’t run my fingers through it and imagine yours.

I bought a new shirt today
It’s the only one in my wardrobe that doesn’t smell like you.

I said a joke today
Nobody laughed, but I know if you heard it you’d laugh.

A boy flirted with me today
I didn’t flirt back, because I’m taken.

I cried last night
Because I remembered I’m not taken anymore.

Hey,

This was good, but I don't see how it linked back to your title, if I am being honest. The structure also annoyed me. I don't think it looks like with two line stanzas, for it to be a stanza, I think it should have a minimum of four lines. I mean if you put these into four lines, I don't think it would make a difference to the impact, it just looks more aesthetically pleasing. Overall a okay piece though.

PM me for anything.

~Retro Disco666

I really, really like this piece. It's original and creative, and there's enough imagery to evoke some emotion. It's gently written, but carries a great deal of longing and sadness with it. It's the story of breaking the habits you create when you're with someone.

It's great.
Love this piece.. I wish I could give something constructive, but honestly, I love it just the way it is.

Great job. c:

-Coral-

Hey, I stumbled across your work

dexterra wrote:I sit in the bottom of the shower
And let the water clean me of your kisses.

I like this first coupling, it's really simple and yet sends a strong message of despair. I believe you've intentionally/unintentionally left silences in your poem and that works more than over-describing things the way some other poets do.

It’s been five months
But I can’t get your scent off me.

For some reason, this coupling is my favourite. Maybe because it's a purely psychological thing the narrator is dwelling on. Like paranoia or a phobia - it's not actually there, but you think it is.

I cut my hair shorter
So I can’t run my fingers through it and imagine yours.

The part in italics is slightly confusing. I don't know whether you're talking about imagining his hair (which is long and the reason "you" cut yours short to distance yourself from memories), or imagining his fingers in your hair, or imagining running your fingers through his hair. lol.

I bought a new shirt today
It’s the only one in my wardrobe that doesn’t smell like you.
I said told a joke today
Nobody laughed, but I know if you heard it you’d laugh.
A boy flirted with me today
I didn’t flirt back, because I’m taken.

The word "today" was repeated a lot here. I think it'd work better if one of the "today"s was replaced with "yesterday":

A boy flirted with me yesterday

I cried last night
Because I remembered I’m not taken anymore.

Sad ending. Such a simple and yet complex poem. I liked how it wasn't cliché; you didn't scream how depressed and suicidal you were and how heart broken, crying tears of blood. Instead you just stated the facts of the situation of the narrator/you and made the read far more realistic. Hope to be reading more from you.

- Jai :3

dexterra wrote:I sit in the bottom of the shower
And let the water clean me of your kisses.

It’s been five months
But I can’t get your scent off me. I love these first four lines. The first two make me think of a girl that has been out late on her first date and is trying to soak it up, but the third and fourth lines tell me that someone still is in love. Maybe I love it because it isn't all sappy. You are just stating the facts and the facts are the facts nothing more. I have no idea how you can get emotion out of them, but you do! - I am rambling

I cut my hair shorter.
So I can’t run my fingers through it and imagine yours.

I bought a new shirt today.
It’s the only one in my wardrobe that doesn’t smell like you. This is a long line and in poems long lines usually just don't fit. Epically when they are next to a shorter one like yours. I think that the information "in my wardrobe" isn't necessary. Actually I think it makes the poem seem choppy.

I said a joke today.
Nobody laughed, but I know if you heard it you’d laugh. You could easily shorten this and make it smoother. Maybe like: Nobody laughed. I know you would have. This line just seemed too much like a sentence to me. A dry sentence.

A boy flirted with me today. You seem to repeat the word today a lot. Twice would have been O.K., but three times gets annoying. As I read it the first time I couldn't figure out if each "today" was a different day or the same day.
I didn’t flirt back, because I’m taken.

I cried last night,
Because I remembered I’m not taken anymore. I love this ending whatever you do don't change the last two lines.

My biggest complaint is the lack of punctuation at the end of each line. I also don't like how some of the lines are so long, but I can suck it up because I love the rest. You actually made me relate and feel for this person I know nothing about. I can never do that with my poems!

A. S.

P.S. I love the title!