Letter to Jesse

*I made this for the GOYLBAWs contest*

Jesse,

There is something I never got a chance to say to you. It's something that you've been waiting a long time for.

You told me that you loved me. And in response, I said nothing. Your face stayed straight, but your eyes were hurt. When I said I was sorry and just wasn't sure yet, you shook your head and said it was fine. But Jesse, I know you better than that. And I know that I hurt you.

For that, I am sorry. And I'm sorry I acted so weird around you after that. But now, I think it's time for the truth. Let's start from the beginning...

When I first saw you last year, you walked into class late. You were also a new student coming in the middle of the year. When you sat next to me I felt myself blush. There was something about you that made me start to like you right then and there.

Your hair went down to your shoulders in curly waves. When you looked at me with your piercing, icy blue eyes, I felt like I was melting.

You spoke to me, and it made me smile. Over the year, our friendship grew. It grew until you became my best friend. And all that time, my crush grew into something more.

One day, a year later, you said to me that you loved me. I was so shocked my feelings for you hid and I couldn't find them. So I became unsure. The last few days I saw you I acted really weird around you, but that's becasue I didn't know how to tell you.

Now that I am gone I feel that I must tell you...

Jesse, I love you.

Laurie

Jesse,

There is something I never got a chance to say to you. It's something that you've been waiting a long time for. This is nice because we straight away what it is going to be about.

You told me that you loved me. And in response, I said nothing. Your face stayed straight, but your eyes were hurt. When I said I was sorry and just wasn't sure yet, you shook your head and said it was fine. But Jesse, I know you better than that. And I know that I hurt you. This is really good, I had to read it over and over again to find any nitpicks because everytime I got dragged in by the plot I didn't find any though!

For that, I am sorry. And I'm sorry I acted so weird around you after that. But now, I think it's time for the truth. Let's start from the beginning...

When I first saw you last year, you walked into class late. You were also a new student coming in the middle of the year. When you sat next to me I felt myself blush. There was something about you that made me start to like you right then and there.

Your hair went down to your shoulders in curly waves. When you looked at me with your piercing, icy blue eyes, I felt like I was melting. I'm not sure that piercing, icy blue eyes fits, because that gives me a sense of shivers rather than a melting feeling, try a more softer vocabulary?

You spoke to me, and it made me smile. Over the year, our friendship grew. It grew until you became my best friend. And all that time, my crush grew into something more.

One day, a year later, you said to me that you loved me. I was so shocked my feelings for you hid and I couldn't find them. So I became unsure. The last few days I saw you I acted really weird around you, but that's becasue I didn't know how to tell you.

Now that I am gone I feel that I must tell you...

Jesse, I love you.

Laurie
I have to say this is really really good, and it made me cry...I am crying a lot today with all these sad pieces, but they are really good, and I think this is amazing, I am sure you will do well in the contest
Good Luck!

Hello.

I was pretty confused as to what this was until I read the contest. After reading what you were supposed to do I got a better idea, but some suggestions to think about:

Make it clear the kind of death this is. Before reading the contest, I thought this was a suicide letter. It still reads like a suicide letter even after knowing what the contest is about, but now my mind is opened up to the possibility of a car-crash or something along those lines.

The reason I point this out is because as a suicide letter, it reads as... pretty pointless. No mention of why, and that implies that she killed herself because she couldn't say "I love you." Yes, I know that in the contest parameters clarify the whole thing, but for somebody just coming in and reading the story without knowing what the contest is, it doesn't make much sense.

I'd suggest getting some sort of reason, just a short mention, as to why she died. Then, it's not only just a bit more tragic that she never got to tell him "I love you", but all the sweeter that she got to tell him eventually.

That was the main thing that weakened the work in my opinion. As I read, I kept thinking "why did she kill herself over such a small reason?" If you clarified why/how she died, it'd get rid of that.

Hope this helped. PM me if you have any questions/comments.

~Rosey