7 Minutes (Part 2)

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Stop! If you haven't read part one, here's the link:
viewtopic.php?t=63131

And if you have, then you may proceed.

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I woke up the next morning to Jess’ foot in my face. “Ugh! Move your stinky feet!”

Jess just moaned and turned her head away from me, trying to hide.

“Oh, no you don’t.” I scooted up against my pillow and braced my hands against her thighs and pushed her onto the floor.

“Hey!” Jess’ cry came as she hit the carpeted floor.

“Not my problem you couldn’t abide by my rules.” I shrugged from above her.

“Okay, I know you’re in a mood right now, but you don’t need to take it out on me.” Jess struggled out of her blanket to her elbows, she glared up at me. “Look, I know something happened with Derek last night, but since you won’t tell me, I’ll just think the worst and tell you what I would do.”

She thought for a moment, and then continued on. “Since the worst that could have happened is that he tried to get in your pants, and succeeded, well then I would go and make sure I wasn’t pregnant.”

“Jess!” I gave her a look. “I am most definitely not pregnant.”

She nodded her head, “Okay, then that means that he wasn’t successful in his mission. In that case I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I mean, it’s not like the whole school is going to know about it.”

“It’s the last week of classes, I’m going to be studying my ass off and so is everyone else, if they know what’s good for them.” I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and scrunched my toes in my carpet. I looked over at the clock and my eyes widened. “Holy crap! We’re going to be late if we don’t get ready now!”

Jess looked over her shoulder, “What? It’s only seven ‘til eight.”

“Yes, but we have to be at work at 8:30,” my voice was muffled by the shirt that I was tugging over my head.

Jess’ eyes widened with the realization. “Shit! Didn’t you set your alarm clock?”

“Yeah, but we must have slept through it, or you turned it off again.” I looked over my shoulder as I was pulling my jeans on. Jess had a habit of getting up to the alarm, but turning it off instead of hitting the snooze button.

“Okay, I’ll go downstairs and start the car. Hurry up, please.” I walked down the hallway and down the stairs, past the living room and my brother’s room and crept out the front door.

Keys swinging from my hand, I walked down the driveway to my car, parked on the curb. I looked down to put the key into the lock, when something on the windshield caught my eye. I reached my hand over to pick it up, it was just a piece of paper, but on the other side was my name printed in bold letters. I opened it, thinking my brother had left it for me, asking me to keep his latest rendezvous hush, hush. But when I looked at the handwriting, it was not my brother’s messy scratch, but a nice neat hand. I looked down at the signature and nearly let out a yelp when I saw that it was Derek’s name.

“What’s that?” Jess had come up behind me.

“It’s a note from Derek,” I said, holding it away from me, not wanting to read it.

“Oh, give it here you big baby. Get in and drive.” She ducked into the passenger seat and opened the note and read it silently.

I turned the key and felt the engine finally give. I pulled out on the street and headed for the local bookstore. I glanced over at Jess and noticed that her face was creased into confusion.”What? What does it say?”

“It says ‘7 at Wired Up. We need to talk.”’ Jess looked over at me. “Well, what ever happened last night, he obviously isn’t done with it.”

“Great.” I banged my head against the steering wheel when we came finally parked outside work.

“And with seven minutes to spare! We must have flown.” Jess beamed at me. “C’mon let’s get to work.”

She climbed out of the car and headed inside, while my forehead was still firmly pressed to the steering wheel. Great, now he’s gonna want to talk about it, and I don’t want to even look at him, much less talk to him about last night. This is gonna be hell.

(Okay, if this one goes over well, then I'll make it into a novel.)
Last edited by Theodorable on Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole. -Dean, Supernatural




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I thought you could add something to that part. It seemed kind of short and quick. Which is fine but I want more of the story than you're giving me.
I'm going to point out a typo now. You have a her instead of a here. You'll find it easily if you proof read it.
This is a small thing and purely a suggestion. Why don't you tell us how the MC met her best friend? The personalities are so different I want to know how they got to be friends.
Please keep writing. I'm interested.
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i think it is good definetly continue writing this
"Love is only a chapter in a guy's life , For a girl its the whole book <3 "




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Teddybear22 wrote:Stop! If you haven't read part one, here's the link:
viewtopic.php?t=63131

And if you have, then you may proceed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up the next morning to Jess’ foot in my face. “Ugh! Move your stinky feet!”

Jess just moaned maybe...Jess just moaned turning her head away from me, trying to hideand turned her head away from me, trying to hide.

“Oh, no you don’t.comma notperiod” I scooted up against my pillowmaybe...bracing my hands against her thighs and pushed her onto the floor and braced my hands against her thighs and pushed her onto the floor.

“Hey!” Jess’ cry cried and delete camecame as she hit the carpeted floor.

“Not my problem you couldn’t abide by my rules.comma not period” I shrugged from above her.

“Okay, I know you’re in a mood right now, but you don’t need to take it out on me.comma not period” Jess struggled out of her blanket to her elbows, she glared up at me. “Look, I know something happened with Derek last night, but since you won’t tell me, I’ll just think the worst and tell you what I would do.”

She thought for a moment, and then continued on. “Since the worst that could have happened is that he tried to get in your pants, and succeeded, well then I would go and make sure I wasn’t pregnant.”

“Jess!” I gave her a look. “I am most definitely not pregnant.”

She nodded her head, “Okay, then that means that he wasn’t successful in his mission. In that case I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I mean, it’s not like the whole school is going to know about it.”

“It’s the last week of classes, I’m going to be studying my ass off and so is everyone else, if they know what’s good for them.comma not period” I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and scrunched my toes in my carpet. I looked over at the clock and my eyes widened. “Holy crap! We’re going to be late if we don’t get ready now!”

Jess looked over her shoulder, “What? It’s only seven ‘til eight.”

“Yes, but we have to be at work at 8:30,” my voice was muffled by the shirt that I was tugging over my head.

Jess’ eyes widened with the realization. “Shit! Didn’t you set your alarm clock?”

“Yeah, but we must have slept through it, or you turned it off again.” I looked over my shoulder as I was pulling my jeans on. Jess had a habit of getting up to the alarm, but turning it off instead of hitting the snooze button.

“Okay, I’ll go downstairs and start the car. Hurry up, please.” I walked down the hallway and down the stairs, past the living room and my brother’s room and crept out the front door.

Keys swinging from my hand, I walked down the driveway to my car, parked on the curb. I looked down to put the key into the lock, when something on the windshield caught my eye. I reached my hand over to pick it up, it was just a piece of paper, but on the other side was my name printed in bold letters. I opened it, thinking my brother had left it for me, asking me to keep his latest rendezvous hush, hush. But when I looked at the handwriting, it was not my brother’s messy scratch, but a nice neat hand. I looked down at the signature and nearly let out a yelp commawhen I saw that it was Derek’s name.

“What’s that?” Jess had come up behind me.

“It’s a note from Derek,” I said, holding it away from me, not wanting to read it.

“Oh, give it here you big baby. Get in and drive. comma not period” She ducked into the passenger seat and opened the note and read it silently.

I turned the key and felt the engine finally give. I pulled out on the street and headed for the local bookstore. I glanced over at Jess and noticed that her face was creased into confusion.”What? What does it say?”

“It says ‘7 at Wired Up. We need to talk.”’ Jess looked over at me. “Well, what ever happened last night, he obviously isn’t done with it.”

“Great.comma not period” I banged my head against the steering wheel when we came finally parked outside work.

“And with seven minutes to spare! We must have flown.comma not period” Jess beamed at me. “C’mon let’s get to work.”

She climbed out of the car and headed inside, while my forehead was still firmly pressed to the steering wheel. Great, now he’s gonna want to talk about it, and I don’t want to even look at him, much less talk to him about last night. This is gonna be hell.

(Okay, if this one goes over well, then I'll make it into a novel.)

Overall? GREAT! I couldn't take my eyes off of the screen to read it and I can NOT wait until you make it into a novel...you will right?!?! :) You better. Haha. I really enjoyed it and it just had little mechanical mistakes which are easy to fix, if you agree with them that is. You are the author, so you can choose if you want to fix them or not. lots of love and PM me when you post the next bits of it. Jenn
when you grow up you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and isnt wearing a black cape and easy to spot Lots of Love Jenn




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I like this piece, can't wait to read more. :)




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What's this?! I really enjoy the first part of your story, come to read the second bit, and it's THAT SHORT?! What is the world coming to? I really like this story! YOU MUST WRITE MORE! *uses awesome mind powers to force fingers to the keyboard* Please? I really want to read more of this. I really enjoy your characters. Your MC sounds a lot like me. Some advice: I would suggest using her name a little bit more. It took my forever to remember what it was. I don't think you used it at all in this chapter.

Overall, I really like this story. Please update soon. Keep writing!
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