Young Writers Society


I hold the knife

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Points 950
Reviews 33
Spoiler
This poem isn't about the same backstabber in my other ones. It's actually about all the people that harassed me throughout my grammar school years and what I wanted to happen to them. And no, I'm not talking about them dieing! I'm talking about a social death, the thing they did to me. So many times have I wished for them to move or for me to disappear

I hold the knife now.
It's as sharp as your criticism,
And it gleams like your evil eyes.
Your life is now in my destructive hands.
You look up and beg.
Tears spill over your teasing face,
But there isn't a cruel smile on your gossiping lips.

Guilt strikes me,
I dropped the knife.
Instead of clattering to the ground it soars through the air on it's own will.
I cover my eyes as it pierces your black heart.
I refuse to see how karma is dealing with it's victim,

Because it wasn't long ago that I was the one being punctured.
But mine was by hand,
By your hand.
I hear the wet thud of your metaphorical corpse.
I peered through my fingers,
A gasp escapes from my tight lips.
I stare down at my hands as if to see your blood.
Surprisingly, my hands are as clean as they were before.
But that doesn't prevent me from running from the crime scene.

I watch as your friends plot their vengeance against me.
They think I killed you.
Even though your death was not by my hand.

I sit back from my life
I watch the drama die as quickly as you did,
And I help the peace stay in place.
That was all I wanted,
And that was all you couldn't give me,
And now your old social life is dead.
Don't look at me to help you,
You're still dead to me.
You always will be.
Last edited by TPak on Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:04 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Have a great day




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Points 8691
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This is a pretty powerful poem. I can relate to the situation described; revenge is a great feeling, but then you just can't bring yourself to do it. I can't really find much to nitpick, so instead i shall clap.
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.




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I only saw one thing: "I watch as the drama die as quickly as you did"

It should be "dies"

Besides that, this is a really good, powerful poem. I loved the hidden meaning.

Great work! Keep it up,

Jamie
"This kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statics--it just comes-none knows whence-and can't explain itself. And doesn't need to." Mark Twain




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This is a really powerful poem. I really like it, I can't actually find anything apart from what Jamie already said.
Avatar (c) to Thalia - A great friend of mine




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I agree with everyone else. Your are a very talented writer. You will go far. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
The only constant in our lives is Change.

Revelations 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eye. There will be no more mourning or death or pain. There will be no more crying for the old way of things has gone away.




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this is utter amazingness! i love the metaphor and how its kept through out the whole poem instead of just for one line or stanza. and we were just talking about how we can never carry out our revenge because of guilt




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Gender Female
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It was good. Brings back memories of times I wish I could have got revenge, but everytime I got the chance I would just think of the pain it caused me and I could never put anyone through that. I see nothing to fix, mabey seperate stanzas more? That is just what I might have done. But don't take my word for it.




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I don't see anything to change but the die to dies thing, other than a few personal changes. I absolutely love this. This poem is absoluetly great and can relate to many people. How many people wanted revenge and felt horrible after? I kind of knew it wasn't real death after the second line. I like the description. Oh high school drama is so interesting to read about. Good job!
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They who talk all day of beauty call all the plain things dirty
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