Young Writers Society


your blind.

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1910
Reviews 36
The dust is falling,
and the phone waits, as I'm begging,
for a renewed, real you to call me.
To call me.


But it's silent, forever.
Your stained now, your empty.
We both feel no feelings,
we just want free.


(chorus)
And when you want to see me fading,
you'll just drink past all the time.

And when I beg that you stop fading,
I'll just sleep until it's blind.


When your not you, I'm not me.
That stranger reasons, and I always believe.
They have your body,
and they want your time now.
Your time now.


Chemicals are your bloodstream,
and I don't care now,
You're just a zombie.
Your World's a white cloud.
And I'm nothing.
I'm nothing to you.


(chorus)
Cause' when you want to see me fading,
you'll just drink past all the time.

And when I beg that you stop fading,
I'll just sleep until it's blind.

your blind.
your blind.

you are blind.
I want a lover I don't have to love.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3400
Reviews 64
hey, heybeccahey! NEWBIE! XDDDD (here on YMS we like to scare, stalk, and welcome new people!)
Anyways back to the review! I liked this, although some of it was confusing. You might want to re-phrase some of the things you said. But I loved this line "Chemicals are your bloodstream, and I don't care now,"
Over all I liked these lyrics they where good XD
If you need any help finding your way around YWS you are welcome to Pm me!
You can also find help in the chat room!
Welcome to YWS, KAH
Dreams don't always have to exist while the sun's down and your eyes are shut.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 323
Reviews 83
Hey there! I loved these lyrics, I think my favourite line was 'Your World's a white cloud.' I really loved that.
Some of the lines don't quite flow properly, but apart from that, it's great!

( Hehe, I'm a newbie too, welcome to YWS ;) )
Avatar (c) to Thalia - A great friend of mine




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 5238
Reviews 174
It often becomes challenging to interpret lyrics without the melody or pace of the song but the title of this piece caught my attention. What kept me reading was your emotion.

and the phone waits, as I'm begging,


and I don't care now


Those two excerpts illustrate the level of emotion these lyrics radiate. I especially liked when you wrote, "We both feel no feelings," as it was clearly opposite to the emotion of the lyrics and hence provided that sense of teenage drama in the sense that both parties have hidden feelings which may or may not vary. A very interesting song to say the least.

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2407
Reviews 12
ooo, pretty! (: I really like this song! There were a few grammatical errors that I'll overlook for now, because the most important part of this is really the words and lyrics. They seem to flow fairly well!

good job, keep writing!
-mcbeff
[=



Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown