Ambush

I’m tired of this feeling,
This
Hollow
Lonely
Perpetually Depressed
Feeling;
That never seems to leave,
It’s always there,
Just like the hole in my chest,
It will step back in the shadows sometimes,
But it’s only waiting for another chance to ambush me again.
And It seems,
That the longer it’s hiding out,
Waiting,
The harder I fall when it pounces.
And this time,
This time there was solid impact.
Like a cat,
The claws of insanity grabbing me and sinking in,
Dragging me into it’s den to feast on the last little bit of happiness I carry with me.
Once it’s devoured on my final reason to exist;
It leaves me there,
To pick myself back up,
And try to find that sliver of good emotion again.
But,
It seems,
That my little sliver gets smaller,
Like the cat bit it,
And now I’m only finding pieces of it.
Each time,
Getting a smaller piece,
And,
Eventually,
Their going to be so small,
That their going to be nonexistent.
Tell me what you think Minimal revising done before posting. Older one I pulled off my blog.
Don't sugarcoat anything
Please:)
How can I improve?

XO Change

Hey

I don't usually review poetry because I can never think of anything worth saying, but I'm going to give it a go.

Anyway, I liked this. You showed the emotion pretty well and it had good imagery.

That never seems to leave,
It’s always there,

These lines say basically the same thing, so do you really need them both?

Just like the hole in my chest,

I think this would work better as "Just like a hole in my chest", or you could get rid of the just altogether. Perhaps I'm being too literal here but the way you've phrased it it sounds to me like you're saying you have a physical hole in your chest, and you're comparing the feeling to the hole... I'm not sure that made sense but hopefully you know what I mean.

And It seems,
That the longer it’s hiding out,
Waiting,
The harder I fall when it pounces.

I like this bit! Especially the last line.

Like a cat,
The claws of insanity grabbing me and sinking in,
Dragging me into it’s den to feast on the last little bit of happiness I carry with me.

I like the image here, but the last line seems very long compared to the rest of the poem. Maybe you could split it into two?

And try to find that sliver of good emotion again.

I'm sure you could find a more descriptive phrase than "good emotion". Be a bit more specific about it?

Their going to be so small,
That their going to be nonexistent.

*they're
As an ending this is good (if a little bleak) but it feels like it's not as effective as it could be. This is just a suggestion and feel free to ignore it, but I would put 'nonexistant' on a line of its own, seeing as you've done that with other words throughout the poem, and it would kind of feel like it was shrinking away, and would focus on the word. Also, "they're going to be" seems a bit wordy. "They'll be" would get to the point more quickly, maybe.

These are just vague thoughts from me though, and as I said, overall I like this. Everyone feels down sometimes and you found a unique, original way of describing it.

Thanks for the review I really appreciate it. I'm looking to post my old stuff as is, see what you all say and then revise it

XO Change

Hi Rae! I'm so sorry I didn't get to this sooner.

It seems that Kiwi has said most of what I was going to say. I did think that the idea you used was very original, I haven't seen that in a poem. The imagery used was fantastic, but I didn't see many poetic techiniques, such as similies, metaphors, alliteration ect. I like you use of enjambement though.

I'm extremely sorry that that review was so short, see you around!

*Taffy*

i really like this poem alot! i could feel the deep emotions in it, and it had me drawn in til the very end! Other than what Kiwi pointed it out this poem was great! keep it up!