I'm Standing

After telling a few people that I didn't write poetry, it actually inspired me to write some. Please bear in mind it is definately in the first stages of editing and is extremely rough around the edges.

Despite this, I hope you enjoy this poem, it is about me (mostly) and some trouble's that I've been having recently.


I’m standing.
Standing with one foot against the crumbling wall,
But still the tears pour,
For I have not saved myself at all.

I should have trusted myself,
Trusted myself and my own feeling.
But I let my emotions get carried away,
But still I’m determined to carry on healing.

Maybe if I didn’t keep changing my mind
And passing messages through other friends,
The sick feeling in my stomach would have gone away.
Giving my heart the good time to mend.

Some things in life just come with a price tag,
In fact, most of them do, I’m almost sure.
I suppose this thing in life I have payed for before.
And I’m acting the toddler, hardly mature.

The mistake has been made, the friends have been lost
And the choice of heads, tails and the coin being tossed.
But maybe one day I will look back and smile
Everything had been alright for the while.

But that doesn’t stop me from getting this feeling
Of hope, trust and wisdom
And that I’m still healing.
And through all those times we always have a choice
Next time I should listen the little voice,
That’s telling me the difference between right and the wrong.
And to jump off the plank that I’m walking along.


Ugh, the more I read it, the less and less sense it makes. I definitely need to rewrite this, and write some others to brush up on my skills, then maybe some of my work will actually look like it's been written by someone sane, rather than a 'very confused novelist, who should have listened harder when learning poetry at school'

Hi Crimsona!
I'm not sure if your lucky, or unlucky. I don't know a lot about poetry, but I'm reviewing anyways.
I like it! Why are you\she said, because of a person you like? Sorry, I don't know else to put that...

Okay, down to business.

Some things in life just come with a price tag,

Somethings, and I like the price tag thing.

I know I wasn't really an help, but I like it! Your much better then I am!
Keep writing!

~~~~~Junglelover~~~~~

Hi, Crimsona!

Hey, for a first poem, this is very good. I like that I can feel what you're trying to express in this poem; that's sometimes difficult to accomplish.

I only found one basic nitpick throughout the entire poem:

Crimsona wrote:And to jump off the plank thank I’m walking along.

I think you meant "that."

As a suggestion from a poetical point of view, I would try ending your lines so that they don't end on an obvious pause every time. Like this example: "I went to the store./I saw a tangerine." Instead, try: I went/ to the store. I saw/ a tangerine."
It puts emphasis on certain words you could highlight.

My other suggestion is to even out the rhyme a little bit. I notice sometimes it seems a tad inconsistent.

Your message is excellent; I think a lot of people can relate to this poem. You're off to a great start.

Keep writing!

--Glim

No, she got it right, it's some things...

Wow! I certainly wasn't expecting such good feedback for this piece of nonsense! xD

x.x Reading over this again, I realised I changed the rhyme scheme about ten times, randomly, so I definately need to change that, thank you Glim.

Time to edit I suppose.

Thanks to everyone!

Well, welcome to the weird, wild, and wonderful world of poetry, dear! I am really hesitant to seriously critique anything here, as it is my personal belief that poetry is, more or less, a vaccuum: there is no right or wrong way to do things. Your poem was fairly abstract; I couldn't tell exactly what it was about, but the vague emotions and images were good, especially for a first-timer. The poem actually bore an uncanny resemblance to prose, which I found interesting. Anyway, this was pretty good. Keep writing poetry!

Thank you Warrior Princess. I actually didn't know what a prose was, until I looked it up, so thanks for the new knowlage too!