Tripping In Our Hearts

Our friends all know it can’t work
I bet they never felt the way I feel
And you don’t want to admit
That there might be something real here
If you dig a little further
You will find my heart,
Pumping to the beat of yours

I will never let go
I don’t want to fall head first
But we are dropping through our life
And being clumsy with our words
Tripping in our hearts
They say it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt
Oh, how right they could be

Breaking up is something we all go through
But I never thought it would be so hard
I never thought it would be you and I
I can still hear you tapping on my window,
hoping I would let you inside
But sometimes good-bye is the only way to say
I love you and I wish it didn’t have to be this way

I really like this poem. It's so true!

But I think you can do a little more with it. I don't really know how to explain it. It just seems like it's missing something. I'm sorry, I guess I just suck at reviewing.

It sounds kind of like a teenager poem to me. They didn't know breaking up would hurt this bad. But that's not a bad thing, because I love poems that I can relate to. I kind of like that the poem doesn't rhyme, because I hate rhyming poetry. It just sounds so corny.

I hope you keep writing!

Hey there! Good poem, the title caught my eye right off the bat. It's delightfully metaphorical. I agree with stargazer9927 about it feeling like a "teenager poem" but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I believe it is an accurate portrayal of how a teenager feels about his/her first breakup, like it's the end of the world, and that the relationship was pure love. However, this piece is neither whiny nor trite, so good job. I also think you could do a bit more with it, maybe a short description of the characters?

Also, the phrase

knocking on my window

seems a little strange. Somehow, I keep thinking of some guy hanging out of a tree to knock dangerously on his girlfriend's two-story window. I don't know why but maybe the word "knocking" could be changed?

I especially liked the lines:

I don’t want to fall head first
But we are dropping through our life
And being clumsy with our words
Tripping in our hearts

...especially because you tied in the title of the poem within the text itself.

All in all, good work! Keep it up!

All I can really say... is that... I LOVED IT!! This hit a soft spot in my heart right now that I've had for the last little while, and it was really good...

I can't describe how perfectly true these lines are...

But sometimes good-bye is the only way to say
I love you and I wish it didn’t have to be this way

And then as stated above, I loved this one too.

I will never let go
I don’t want to fall head first
But we are dropping through our life
And being clumsy with our words
Tripping in our hearts

Overall, I don't really have any corrections to give, I guess the only thing I can suggest is maybe a touch up to this part.

I can still hear you tapping on my window,
hoping I would let you inside

It just sounds a little awkward, but overall this was like a really awesome poem, and if I get your permission I would like so very much to put it on my wall in my room...

Hi KAH!

Really lovely poem! I felt as if the poem came from somewhere deep inside you, and that not everything was false, some parts felt true. The topic of the poem was a really good one to write about. It was something a lot of people can relate to, which helps to tap-in to people's inner emotions. It had a good connection.

I would change the first line of the third stanza though. "Breaking up is something we all go through". This doesn't sound as poetic as the rest of the poem, and it also sounds a little bit cheesy. Sorry.

Otherwise, pretty good. Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf