Fall

Fall


The leaf falls to the ground
Falling...
Falling...
Crunching under my feet
Crunch, Crunch ,Crunch
My sister jumps in
I laugh, then follow
Kicking up leaves
Beneath a blue fall sky
Then the snow falls
and I'm sad
in a glad kinda way
The snow falls to the ground
Falling...
Falling...
Falling...

I like it! Good job Craftyness! Kinda isn't a word, it's slang, use kind of. Could use some periods, not just ellipses and commas. Crunch Crunch Crunch should be > Crunch, crunch, crunch. But over all I really like it! Keep writing! I want to see more work soon!

The poem seems juvenile with the wording, if you're going to go with simple wording, make sure to have a unique way of saying what you mean.

Nice piece.. I would try broadening your word choice or making the phrasing more interesting in some way. I would also suggest that you throw in some metaphors or similes.. something that "show" instead of "tells" (Yes, that cliche phrase applies even to poetry). This had a great idea, and linked up the two ideas of falling in different seasons (maybe even in summer and spring with sunshine and rain? (: )
I would just try to expand on it a bit more, maybe not in downwards length, but fill out this poem a bit more.. give it some meat.


Nice piece, like I said.. I like the concept more than the execution though.


-Coral-

Thanks for your opions guys! I really appreciate it. The poem was oringinally longer and "meatier" but I lost the paper it was on ! I will definitley try your suggestions! Thanks, again.

Heyl!
I like the simplicity of the poem. However, I think you should work on your word choice. Rather than using words like "sad", "glad" and "kinda", use more descriptive words. There's always a better word than "sad" to describe what you're feeling. In poetry you have to be extremely picky and selective about the words you use.
I don't really like the repetition of "falling" and "crunch". I doesn't really add to the poem.

Beneath a blue fall sky

I like this image. You need to use more imagery in your poem. It'll breathe life into the poem. Right now, what you have is a series of actions. Rather than focusing on the over all action, focus on the the word choice and write as if you're painting with your words.
So when you say "my sister jumps in", you're not doing your poem justice. Paint the action of the sister jumping in into a memorable image. Your poem should be set apart from prose. If I were to get rid of the line breaks, there wouldn't really be anything very poetic about it.

I like the concept of the poem a lot though, and some pleasant memories came up as I read it. It has a lot of potential. just keep the tips I mentioned in mind. Also, read lots of poetry!

Good luck!