I Wish I Could Tell You

To my human:

I wish I could tell you
that I love the dog food you give me,
but throwing in more of the chicken ones
wouldn't hurt

And I wish I could tell you
That not all bugs that crawl on you are bad,
just the ones that bite
Because it makes me worry to see you worry

And I wish I could tell you
It's okay to pee wherever you want
and to please stop picking up my poop
I put it there for a reason

And I wish I could tell you
to slow down and smell a little
or you'll have gained nothing
by the time you get to where you're going

And I wish I could tell you
not to worry so much about how you look
you never have to try
to look beautiful to me

But most of all
I wish I could tell you
how my heart breaks every time you leave me
And how the pieces only get put back together
when you come home

So that when you feel alone and worthless
Know you're the whole world to me

First off, cute picture.

Secondly, this song makes me wanna go find my puppy and hug hiiim.

I liked it. Kind of made me happy and sad at the end.

Very creative and I could never have guessed I'd be reading something like that when I clicked on the title! I really like how it's from the viewpoint of a (your?) dog.

I wish I could tell you
that I love the dog food you give me,
but throwing in more of the chicken ones
wouldn't hurt

Good opening stanza, and I found this funny as your first stanza in this poem, it really surprised me.

And I wish I could tell you
not to worry so much about how you look
you never have to try
to look beautiful to me

But most of all
I wish I could tell you
how my heart breaks every time you leave me
And how the pieces only get put back together
when you come home
So that when you feel alone and worthless
Know you're the whole world to me

Aw, these two stanzas are so... making me feel guilty. Poor dog. I especially like the first stanza in this quote and the part that says, "you never have to try / to look beautiful to me".
Great work!

Awww This is cute i think you captured the feelings perfectly

I loved this! Honestly, I didn't expect to because I'm not a fan of animals-speaking-as-humans, but this was so simple and heartfelt and genuine. It was never strained or strange. And the last couple lines really got me.

So that when you feel alone and worthless
Know you're the whole world to me

It put tears in my eyes. Good job!

It's writing like this that make me want a dog.

I think you got all the emotions down perfectly. Usually I don't like the whole anthropomorphism angle, but this was so simple and genuine I loved it anyway.

Nice one.

Hi there..


I love this.. I think that transitions could be smoother, especially into the last couple of lines. I think that perhaps some more imagery/emotion would be nice, but as it is, I really like it. The tone was very nice, as was the characterization of the dog. Really nice job.


-Coral-

This is so sweet! It made me feel guilty and I don't even have a dog. It's completely different to most of the other poetry I've read. It's sad and happy and cute all at the same time. I love it.

Hello! I'm Jessica, here on request : D

- First of all, I really thought this was adorable! It made me feel guilty about my animals I have at home, not that they're abused but just leaving all the time and etc.

It's hard to give a good quality review here, it's just about perfection, though I'll try!

Key
Red- Could Be Worded Differently
Green- Liked This

Wariofart wrote:To my human:

I wish I could tell you
that I love the dog food you give me,
but throwing in more of the chicken ones
wouldn't hurt

And I wish I could tell you
That not all bugs that crawl on you are bad,
just the ones that bite
Because it makes me worry to see you worry

And I wish I could tell you
It's okay to pee wherever you want
and to please stop picking up my poop This reminds me so much of my dog that died a few years ago! She got mad at us for picking up her "buisness" outside, for a reason that is very nasty. : )

And I wish I could tell you
to slow down and smell a little
or you'll have gained nothing
by the time you get to where you're going

And I wish I could tell you
not to worry so much about how you look
you never have to try
to look beautiful to me I really love this, it's real in the first to lines and sweet yet humorous in the second.

But most of all
I wish I could tell you
how my heart breaks every time you leave me
And how the pieces only get put back together
when you come home
So that when you feel alone and worthless
Know you're the whole world to me

Wow! This has to be my favorite paragraph here. I love this.

So, you've figured out I have nothing bad to say about this poem. So, that means that whole part above was really pointless, forgive me! : D Cool poem, keep writing!
- Jessica

Aw!! This poem is so sweet and funny; it made me smile. I thought of my own dog while reading it, a golden retriever who is utterly obsessed with me and my family. My favorite part has to be the first stanza, about the dog food. I bet that's what every dog thinks when they're fed. Congratulations on a very nice work!

Awwe xD
I read this...while my dog was sitting in my lap xD
I gave her a big hug when I was done.
I loved this, it was so adorable. And I have to agree, that I was expecting some other angsty poem (Love those too...but...) by the title. I clicked on it and just kept smiling the whole way through!
The last stanza is definately my favourite.
Good work!

Hello there!

Here to review.

The poem you have here is pretty sweet and good. And I honestly have to say that I seldom ignore my pet whenever I'm not in the mood or something. But hey, having a pet is like one of best thing that has ever happened to me. So, I'm going to have some of my nitpicks.

And I wish I could tell you
It's okay to pee wherever you want
and to please stop picking up my poop

I just want to clarify something here. The first few stanzas are having four lines and this one seemed to distract the flow and especially that I feel like it's lacking. So you might want to add another line that could end that stanza.

And I wish I could tell you
to slow down and smell a little
or you'll have gained nothing
by the time you get to where you're going

I have to read this twice just to get the main point here. So try to be specific and connect each lines well.

But most of all
I wish I could tell you
how my heart breaks every time you leave me
And how the pieces only get put back together
when you come home
So that when you feel alone and worthless
Know you're the whole world to me

Impressive stanza but I just want to comment on the format. I mean, you've placed everything in here, though I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just that try to be consistent on your stanzas and lines. So just separate this into two meaningful and beautiful stanzas, so with that, it could create a good effect.

When all said and done...

My central critique here is that give this poem a bit of a twist. Like putting here a rhythm or a syllabic pattern, because if you do, then it would really give this piece a good flow and a good set of imageries, if you placed in some good descriptions. But kicking aside those comments, the concept interest me and your spelling and as with your verb consistency are all good. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri

I loved this poem! It was incredibly cute. I hope you continue writing more like this!

...Aw. That's all I can say. ^^

Thanks so much for all your reviews and Likes. I tried to take your suggestions. I added another line so all the verses have four lines except the last one, which now has two. Thank you again!!!