Limitless: Chapter Seven (Part 2 of 2)

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Rated 12+ for fantasy and violence.

Part 1


‘This is the year 101, and we are in the Southlands forest. The boy has the name of Mallegin Dess.’

None of these words made sense. There was no boy, Anna had never even heard of the Southlands, and she thought that she was living in the year 101. She opened her mouth to argue, but realized rather tumultuously that she couldn’t even speak. She tried to think her heated words, but she couldn’t hear a grumble of it in her head.

‘Don’t try, Anna. Just watch. It’ll all make sense to you.’

It was then that the small child walked into view. He was no older than Marcus had been when Anna left—she felt a pang upon thinking that—and he surveyed the area with a seemingly refreshing wave of relief. The young boy ran his hands through his scruffy brown hair which had the same colors in it as his eyes, and then found himself a nice seat on a smoothed rock overhanging the river. His feet were bare but black from dirt, and his clothes were rather messily sewn together from different garments of red.

‘Today is his tenth birthday. He hasn’t gotten anything for his big day, as usual, because his family doesn’t have enough money. But he is about to get the best birthday present ever.’ At those last words, Magic swelled with pride.

The boy glanced up at the sun, and its glorious rays were reflected in his gorgeous eyes. It was so picture-perfect, the small poor boy amongst the beautiful simplicity of the nature. Anna would have picked no better time for him to receive the ‘best present ever.’

The color of the sun suddenly changed from its stunning gold to a simplistic white. No sooner had the light changed did it go back, yet there was still a patch of white falling to the ground. Both Anna and the boy realized what was happening at the same time—some source of white light had fallen over the sun for a moment, and now headed slowly towards the ground.

The shimmering ball of lightly unstably lowered itself until it came to eye length of the boy. Terrified, he jumped up, stumbling backwards and into the river. It hadn’t stopped the light, however, and it pursued the boy rather languidly.
His eyes wide, his chest heaving, he slowly began to back away from it, until he suddenly stopped, unsure of the harm.

He opened his mouth and whispered in a quivering voice, “Hello?”

There was no response from the light. It had been obvious there wouldn’t be one, for it was a miniature, glowing ball of sun. Suns did not speak, and so wouldn’t the light.

He stood up boldly then, reached out himself with his right hand, and touched the light. It was then that the light from the sphere began pouring of the boy’s eyes, mouth, and ears. Carefully, the light began to retreat into his body until it disappeared inside of him.

After the fact, the boy stumbled backwards in shock, once again landing on his butt in the rather weak river. He looked around, unsure of what had happened, until a voice came to him. Though Anna knew it was in his mind, Magic had made it so that she could hear it too. The voice itself sounded just like Magic, but several octaves lower, as if they were all different bells with different voices.

‘ ‘Hello.’ ’

Mallegin screamed, jumping nearly a mile in the air. Anna grinned internally, though she could not feel the smile on her face—she knew what he felt like.

‘ ‘Don’t worry. I’m not here to hurt you. What’s your name?’ ’

“M. D-Dess,” he stuttered. “Who are you?”

‘ ‘My name is whatever your name is. What is it? M. Dess?’ ’

“No, that’s just my . . .” He paused. “My class name. My first name is Mallegin.”

‘ ‘Mallegin. A fitting name.’ ’

The scene faded into darkness.

‘Over time, Mallegin learned about the gift he had been blessed with by the Lands Above. He promised to use it wisely. Unfortunately, one day he was practicing a simple spell to get his family food and a townsperson caught him and held a knife to his neck, asking him where he got the powers. He begrudgingly took the harsh man to the stone, later titled ‘The Stone of All Serenity,’ where this man too received his own powers. Many legends were written on this area, including the one Darell told you about. The greedy man realized through his own magic that other powers lived up there, just like his and Mallegin’s. He began selling rights for people to go and sit on the stone and receive their own powers. This is how Magicals came into rule.

‘Since Mallegin was the first to receive the gift, everyone’s powers were named after it. All of them were ‘Mallegin’. So, people decided to get creative and put another name in front of it. Hence my name changing throughout the people I visit.

‘Unfortunately, the Southlands wasn’t the only place to receive power. All over the world, different areas and spots were discovered by helpless children who immediately received powers. It was always the children who found them, and the country only caught on when they were a little older. The rights to sit go to these sacred places were sold and bought, as well as the actual powers. Many were murdered for their gifts. When a Magical was killed, his powers would usually go into the nearest host, and if that was the killer, then so be it. However, if the Magical had told his powers about his ‘apprentice’ before his death, then the powers would be traditionally passed down onto him. If a successor died of natural causes before telling his powers about the apprentice, then the powers would either find this new host or go back to the Stone of All Serenity—whichever closer. If they could find neither within a few months, they would disappear into nothing. There also seems to be a power-draining spell that the Magical could use to give to another human being of their choice before their time was up, but this was not the preferred way of passing on magic.

‘It wasn’t long before every divison had powers. If you were anyone, you were either an apprentice or a Magical. Around the year 310, after powers had been in the world for 210 years, the name of the powers had changed. Through writings and scripts and pictures on cave walls, words were misinterpreted. ‘Mallegin’ went to ‘Mahegin’ which went to ‘Maegin’ because of someone’s careless spelling. Another decided it looked better without an ‘e’ and simply left it out—Magin was the word at the time of our next history lesson.

‘In 311, a strong and brave Magical named ‘Fulbak’ came into power over the Southernlands, which was now the hub for all magic. Not to sound important or anything, but I was Fulbak’s wife’s powers. She was a lovely girl. Not my first charge by far. My life started in the Northernlands, or what was left of it, around 150 . . . but anyway, more on my history later.

‘Fulbak created many new ideas about Magicals and how magic should be used—including rights. Said he, “Only certain people should have rights. Not everyone should be allowed to be a Magical.” For some daft reason, everyone agreed. Thus, he decided to strip the powers away from the women, for they “belonged working in a house and didn’t need them”.

‘Elith—his wife—and I were indignant, as well as all the other female Magicals all over the world. We fought back brutally, but Fulbak and the men wouldn’t give in. Elith and I ran away, taking with her a rather stupid young boy. We knew Fulbak would find us, and by the time he did, she had already transferred my powers into the boy and hidden him far out of Fulbak’s reach. I, like millions of the other powers who had to be transferred from our old masters, were completely enraged. We influenced our new masters to stand up and fight against Fulbak. Thus began the First War of Magin.

‘This is why, for thousands of years, only men have had the power of powers. After the First Magic War, women were too scared to stand up and receive the powers, even after Fulbak and his army were defeated. Unfortunately, the fight had been almost for nothing. I say almost because of the new change of names at the end of the war. A young boy who was standing next to the one I was in said, “There has been blood shed on the name of my power. I am changing it, and encourage the rest of us too. Since my name starts with a ‘C,’ so shall end the new name of my power. I call it ‘Magic’!”
‘This man was no more than the great Christopher Mako. I am to say, very ashamed, that later his loving yet belligerent personality will die out as he starts the second war of Magic.’


Magic paused here, letting Anna take everything in. She usually despised history lessons, but this was interesting because it directly affected her and Magic.

The darkness hardly receded then to reveal a small sitting room with a flickering candle hanging in the corner. An adorable man with a blonde crew cut and soft green eyes bent over a rickety wooden table, his quill flying across a page already brimming with words. His skin was delicate and pale, but his eyes were hardened as if they had been stripped from their innocence long ago.

‘This is he. Christopher Mako. I loved this boy so much! He was such a perfect Magical, for he knew exactly how to use his powers . . .’ Magic’s voice awkwardly trailed off. ‘Anyway. This is it. The night that broke him. This was the night that he had found his girlfriend dead. A few hours ago, he found the love of his life murdered brutally. He discovered that very hour she was killed by a torturous spell, one I’d never teach you and never let you learn. That is what motivated him to write this letter, which was the beginning of the end.

‘He wrote to the Southerlands, where a man by the name of Trudeau came into power—don’t even get me started on that worthless person—and declared that he had been wrong, that Fulbak’s idea for magic restrictions was right. However, they shouldn’t only restrict it to men, but only powerful men, men like he and Trudeau. Trudeau readily agreed, for this would make him an ultimate ruler, and he and a few other leaders from the different areas of the world began in what is known as the Second War of Magic. Technically, it’s the first war with the word ‘Magic’ in it, but it was written to make things less confusing.’

The scene slowly dispersed, leaving Anna again alone in the dark with Magic’s words.

‘The war that followed was a nasty one. It started in the year 320. Christopher was twenty-three. The Southerlands had so many Magicals in it that the entire area was wiped out within minutes. All around the world, people heard about war and started moving. Everyone grouped off in their own colonies. People had used to live so close together, in a huge glop in the middle of the world. When the second war started, everyone moved away, starting a new civilization, venturing to the far reaches of the universe. Thus, everywhere you visit is in a different time zone, it seems. Some seem to be living in a medieval world while others, like yours, live in what seems like an early settling colony. The possibilities of what the different people have done are limitless.

‘Many Magicals immediately left their powers to avoid extermination. Some hid and prayed. Personally, my master was always on the run, hiding. We finally found an endless jungle to clothe ourselves in until the war was over. I don’t know much of what happens next, because by the time he and I came out, it was 350, and the war was over.

‘There were no Magicals left, and it had almost become sort of a myth. The Northernlands, the Southerlands, the East and West Kingdoms—all nonexistent. Locals didn’t even know what they were. We wandered aimlessly for a while, until we found a young boy. His name was Raylik, and he took my eldering Master to the side and whispered in his ear, “You need an apprentice. Here I am.”

‘Neither of us knew how he knew, but my master was very old and weathered and needed to let me go, so he did. Raylik was related to Darell somehow, whether it be cousin, uncle, grandson . . . it probably changed many times throughout the thousands of years. Even I can hardly remember.

‘It is now the year 2879, and you, Anna, my dear, are the first female Magical in 2,568 years.’

The thick cloak of dark was lifted—Anna could see her settings again. But by now, the young girl was entirely spent, and she collapsed in a heap on the floor, falling into a deep but restless slumber.
Last edited by GoldenQuill on Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Wow, this was a lot of information. It was a clever way to show the history, but as you went on it started to become a lot of writing.

Over time, Mallegin learned about the gift he had been blessed with by the Prince. He promised to use it wisely. Unfortunately, one day he was practicing a simple spell to get his family food and a townsperson caught him and held a knife to his neck, asking him where he got the powers. He begrudgingly took the harsh man to the stone, later titled ‘The Stone of All Serenity,’ where this man too received his own powers. He realized through his own magic that other powers lived up there, just like his and Mallegin’s. He began selling rights for people to go and sit on the stone and receive their own powers. This is how Magicals came into rule.
‘Since Mallegin was the first to receive the gift, everyone’s powers were named after it. All of them were ‘Mallegin’. So, people decided to get creative and put another name in front of it. Hence my name changing throughout the people I visit.
‘Unfortunately, the Southlands wasn’t the only place to receive power. All over the world, different areas and spots were discovered by helpless children who immediately received powers. It was always the children who found them, and the country only caught on when they were a little older. The rights to sit go to these sacred places was not only sold and bought, as well as the actual powers. Many were murdered just so the killer could receive powers. When a Magical was killed, his powers would usually go into the nearest host, and if that was the killer, then so be it. However, if the Magical had told his powers about his ‘apprentice’ before his death, then the powers would be traditionally passed down onto him. If a successor died of natural causes before telling his powers about the apprentice, then the powers would either find this new host or go back to the Stone of All Serenity—whichever closer. If they could find neither within a few months, they would disappear into nothing.
‘It wasn’t long before every country had powers. If you were anyone, you were either an apprentice or a Magical. Around the year 310, after powers had been in the world for 210 years, the name of the powers had changed. Through writings and scripts and pictures on cave walls, words were misinterpreted. ‘Mallegin’ went to ‘Mahegin’ which went to ‘Maegin’ because of someone’s careless spelling. Another decided it looked better without an ‘a’ and simply left it out—Magin was the word at the time of our next history lesson.
‘Around the year 311, a strong and brave Magical named ‘Fulbak’ came into power over the Southernlands, which was now the hub for all magic. Not to sound important or anything, but I was Fulbak’s wife’s powers. She was a lovely girl. Not my first charge by far. My life started in the Northernlands, or what was left of it, around 150 . . . but anyway, more on my history later.
‘Fulbak created many new ideas about Magicals and how magic should be used—including rights. Said he, “Only certain people should have rights. Not everyone should be allowed to be a Magical.” For some daft reason, everyone agreed. Thus, he decided to strip the powers away from the women, for they “belonged working in a house and didn’t need them”.
‘Elith—his wife—and I were indignant, as well as all the other female Magicals all over the world. We fought back brutally, but Fulbak and the men wouldn’t give in. Elith and I ran away, taking with her a rather stupid young boy. We knew Fulbak would find us, and by the time he did, she had already transferred my powers into the boy and hidden him far out of Fulbak’s reach. I, like millions of the other powers who had to be transferred from our old masters, were completely enraged. We influenced our new masters to stand up and fight against Fulbak. Thus began the First War of Magin.
‘This is why, for millions of years, only men have had the power of powers. After the First Magic War, women were too scared to stand up and receive the powers, even after Fulbak and his army were defeated. Unfortunately, the fight had been almost for nothing. I say almost because of the new change of names at the end of the war. A young boy who was standing next to the one I was in said, “There has been blood shed on the name of my power. I am changing it, and encourage the rest of us too. Since my name starts with a ‘C,’ so shall end the new name of my power. I call it ‘Magic’!”
‘This man was no more than the great Christopher Mako. I am to say, very ashamed, that later his loving yet belligerent personality will die out as he starts the second war of Magic.’
Magic paused here, letting Anna take everything in. She usually despised history lessons, but this was interesting because it directly affected her and Magic.


All very interesting, but hard to read through. You kind of broke it up here and there--your last paragraph in this part was a good way to pause--but this whole section could use some breaking up.

A really good way to do that is to have Anna react and ask questions. You might want to reconsider having her unable to speak or think; this rule really restricts you. If you make a history lesson more like a dialogue than a monologue, it will make it far more intriguing, plus, it'll allow the reader to see the characters' reaction to events and get to know her better. You did that with Magic already, where she would start reminiscing about some of her past masters. For example:

This is he. Christopher Mako. I loved this boy so much! He was such a perfect Magical, for he knew exactly how to use his powers . . .’ Magic’s voice awkwardly trailed off.


I liked that. It tells us something about Magic and her relationship with past masters.

I also liked your first scene with Magellin. It was excellent how you showed instead of telling us what happened:

The boy glanced up at the sun, and its glorious rays were reflected in his gorgeous eyes. It was so picture-perfect, the small poor boy amongst the beautiful simplicity of the nature. Anna would have picked no better time for him to receive the ‘best present ever.’
The color of the sun suddenly changed from its stunning gold to a simplistic white. No sooner had the light changed did it go back, yet there was still a patch of white falling to the ground. Both Anna and the boy realized what was happening at the same time—some source of white light had fallen over the sun for a moment, and now headed slowly towards the ground.
The shimmering ball of lightly unstably lowered itself until it came to eye length of the boy. Terrified, he jumped up, stumbling backwards and into the river. It hadn’t stopped the light, however, and it pursued the boy rather languidly.
His eyes wide, his chest heaving, he slowly began to back away from it, until he suddenly stopped, unsure of the harm. He opened his mouth and whispered in a quivering voice, “Hello?”
There was no response from the light. It had been obvious there wouldn’t be one, for it was a miniature, glowing ball of sun. Suns did not speak, and so wouldn’t the light.
Mallegin stood up boldly then, reached out himself with his right hand, and touched the light. It was then that the light from the sphere began pouring of the boy’s eyes, mouth, and ears. Carefully, the light began to retreat into his body until it disappeared inside of him.
After the fact, the boy stumbled backwards in shock, once again landing on his butt in the rather weak river. He looked around, unsure of what had happened, until a voice came to him. Though Anna knew it was in his mind, Magic had made it so that she could hear it too. The voice itself sounded just like Magic, but several octaves lower, as if they were all different bells with different voices.
‘ ‘Hello.’ ’
Mallegin screamed, jumping nearly a mile in the air. Anna grinned internally, though she could not feel the smile on her face—she knew what he felt like.


You also had Anna react, which was great.

I'd recommend putting more of these interruptions throughout the telling of the history. Giving us visuals on some of the events makes it far more interesting. You could show us the bloody battle field of the wars, or Mako finding his beloved's dead body.

Trudeau readily agreed, for this would make him an ultimate ruler, and he and a few other leaders from the different areas of the world began in what is known as the Second War of Magic.


I'm not clear who they're fighting against. Magicals?

Finally, little details:

She opened her mouth to argue, but realized rather tumultuously that she couldn’t even speak.


How is that tumultuous? Watch out for big words, they are distracting and can often detract from the story.

She tried to think her heated words, but she couldn’t hear a grumble of it in her head.


An original choice of words, but does it really fit that smoothly? (By the way, "it" should be "them" because you're talking about the words, I believe, which are plural.)

The shimmering ball of lightly unstably lowered itself until it came to eye length of the boy.


Did you mean "light"? And "unstably lowered" sounds awkward.


Overall, I found this to be a lot of information. But again, I think if you gave us those visuals and of all/some of the main events, the history would be a lot easier to read, even exciting. PM if you have any questions about my review (or just about life in general :) ).



Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon