My best friend.

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I Know That I've Hurt You,
Time And Time Again,
And I Know I Don't Deserve You,
But You're my Best Friend.
Maybe Someday You'll Realise What I Say Is True,
Maybe Someday You'll Realise All I Need Is You.

When I Feel So Alone And Low,
I Know I Can Always Count On You,
Maybe Someday I Will Feel That Again,
But Until Then I'll Just Let The Tears Fall, For You.

We Used To Have So Much Fun,
Always Together, Always A Pair.
Rain Or Shine It Was Always Warm,
Wrapped In Your Arms I Would Have Sat Through A Storm.
But Now I've Gone and Messed Things Up,
We'll Never Be The Same,
I Do This To Everyone I Love, It Will Never Stop.
I Only Have Three Words Left To Say.
I Give Up.




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Nice rhyming and poem. But, first of all, I don't know your reason for capitalizing every word. Maybe you meant to, but even if you didn't, I find it sort of annoying and it draws away from the poem.

I Know That I've Hurt You,
Time And Time Again,
And I Know I Don't Deserve You,
But You're my Best Friend.
Maybe Someday You'll Realise What I Say Is True,
Maybe Someday You'll Realise All I Need Is You.

This opening stanza of the poem is too cliche. Especially the last two lines. I suggest not using such common words to rhyme with, like "true" and "you". The best friend part is nice, though the "I don't deserve you" is also very cliche.

When I Feel So Alone And Low,
I Know I Can Always Count On You,
Maybe Someday I Will Feel That Again,
But Until Then I'll Just Let The Tears Fall, For You.

In this stanza the last line messes up your rhyming pattern and throws the poem off. It's too long of a line to fit the right way into the pattern, and using "you" to rhyme with "you" doesn't really work. Also, there should be a period after the second line, not a comma.

We Used To Have So Much Fun,
Always Together, Always A Pair.
Rain Or Shine It Was Always Warm,
Wrapped In Your Arms I Would Have Sat Through A Storm.
But Now I've Gone and Messed Things Up,
We'll Never Be The Same,
I Do This To Everyone I Love, It Will Never Stop.
I Only Have Three Words Left To Say.
I Give Up.

After "same" in the the sixth line there should be a comma. At the beginning of the sixth line, I think it would sound better to put in "and". I like the "I give up." part because it brings all the things talked about in your poem to a point and end. After the second to the last line, you should put "left to say:" because then you're telling what the words are.

I hope this review helped maybe a little bit! Keep working on your writing, and welcome to YWS!
Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration?
- George Eliot


"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."




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Well it isn't a bad poem, the problem is that the rhymes are just too common and typical; it was almost as if I knew exactly what lines would procede just because they're so ordinary. I have to points of advice when it comes to poetry: the first is that rhyme schemes are flexible...heck, you don't even need one! The second is that to make a really stand-out piece, you have to come up with a stand-out idea, something we haven't seen before. Give us originality, and don't stray from things you haven't seen before. Uniqueness is what makes a piece stand out.
Oh, and welcome to YWS!!!
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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simplycomplex wrote:Nice rhyming and poem. But, first of all, I don't know your reason for capitalizing every word. Maybe you meant to, but even if you didn't, I find it sort of annoying and it draws away from the poem.

I Know That I've Hurt You,
Time And Time Again,
And I Know I Don't Deserve You,
But You're my Best Friend.
Maybe Someday You'll Realise What I Say Is True,
Maybe Someday You'll Realise All I Need Is You.

This opening stanza of the poem is too cliche. Especially the last two lines. I suggest not using such common words to rhyme with, like "true" and "you". The best friend part is nice, though the "I don't deserve you" is also very cliche.

When I Feel So Alone And Low,
I Know I Can Always Count On You,
Maybe Someday I Will Feel That Again,
But Until Then I'll Just Let The Tears Fall, For You.

In this stanza the last line messes up your rhyming pattern and throws the poem off. It's too long of a line to fit the right way into the pattern, and using "you" to rhyme with "you" doesn't really work. Also, there should be a period after the second line, not a comma.

We Used To Have So Much Fun,
Always Together, Always A Pair.
Rain Or Shine It Was Always Warm,
Wrapped In Your Arms I Would Have Sat Through A Storm.
But Now I've Gone and Messed Things Up,
We'll Never Be The Same,
I Do This To Everyone I Love, It Will Never Stop.
I Only Have Three Words Left To Say.
I Give Up.

After "same" in the the sixth line there should be a comma. At the beginning of the sixth line, I think it would sound better to put in "and". I like the "I give up." part because it brings all the things talked about in your poem to a point and end. After the second to the last line, you should put "left to say:" because then you're telling what the words are.

I hope this review helped maybe a little bit! Keep working on your writing, and welcome to YWS!

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I Dont Know Why I Do The Capital Thing. It's A Habit I Guess.

The Review Helped A Lot Thanks.

But With Half Of It I Didn't Mean To Rhyme It. It's Just How It Came Out I Suppose. But I'll Bear That In Mind For The Future.

Also, I Understand About The Words I used And How I Should Have Used Them Better But To Be Honest I Wrote This Poem When I Was Eleven And I Didnt Want To Change It As It Was So Special To Me.

Thank You For The Help Though.



It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire