Dop.

I swear, even I don't know what this is. Really odd.



Dop.
The ink dripped
Again and again
Such monotonous tones
In brutal destruction of
An otherwise pristine white carpet.
Dop.
Oh, stop it
Black blood of a broken pen
I swear
You fall only to spite me
While I’m not there.
Dop.

I like the rhyming scheme and the metophors. Great work and keep writing!

Interesting word for describing the sound of ink dripping... but neat poem, I like it. Also, I like how you repeat the "Dop" in a pattern and the rhyming of it all.
This part:

Dop.
The ink dripped
Again and again
Such monotonous tones
In brutal destruction of an otherwise pristine white carpet.

The last line there seems a little long and sort of out of place... maybe you could split it so it's not as long and to have the same number of lines after each "Dop." Just a suggestion, though.
Good job, and yes, keep on writing!

This is good, BUT I feel like you could have done sooooooo much more with this and expanded it so many directions. I really would love to see you take this to another level. I feel like there can be so many layers with a drop of ink and you were only skimming the surface when you wrote this poem. Good work.

Persephoneia wrote: Dop.
The ink dripped
Again and again
Such monotonous tones
In brutal destruction of an otherwise pristine white carpet. This line is really good, but is so long in comparison with the others that it throws everything off balance.
Dop.
Oh, stop it I don't know this line just seems amateur to the ones around it. Oh, stop it seems like a very childish line.
Black blood of a broken pen
I swear
You fall only to spite me
While I’m not there.
Dop.

I really like this. Like others have said it is very interesting and unique. Others have also said you could take this much farther. I think you could, but I also like it this way plain and simple. I like the rhythm except for that long one long line. I highlighted in blue my two favorite lines. I also like the last "Dop" it makes the ink seem defiant.

Sorry I didn't actually help,

A. S.

Hey Persephonia, I have noticed that I often find myself stalking your poetry o_O

Dop.
The ink dripped
Again and again

Again and again sounds like a bit of a cop out, I love the fact that you use normal day-to-day words in your poetry but I think you could use much more descriptive words. By this I mean multi-sensory descriptions, the smell of the ink, how it feels on the skin etc

Such monotonous tones
In brutal destruction of
An otherwise pristine white carpet.

*wails for carpet* You were so white...Alright back into critque mode, I like this bit, it was nicely done and I could see the carpet get destroyed by the ink. *returns to carpet mourning*

Overall

I liked the 'Dop' being repeated throughout the poem, it gave the ink a life of its own, making it seem so evil it also makes me feel sorry for the owner of the pen. But this is not the best poem that I have read from you, in fact I kind of expected more. Although this is a good poem, I believe you can do better

Anger

Genius. It was simple, concise, ARRG! The Dop!!! It made me angry with you!

I swear, you fall only to spite me

Wonderful!

I absolutely adore this poem. It's short and simple, but not overly so. And I love how you can twist a sentence:

"In brutal destruction of
An otherwise pristine white carpet."

Bravo, my friend! Keep up the wonderful work!