Hey. I thought this was a little short. I think it can be extended on a fair bit. It seems more like an idea rather than a poem like this. If you add a little more, or expand, I think it would be a lot better. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I just think it seems a little incomplete.
I love the cacophony conjured by the word choice in the second line, as well as the personification of static as being like crickets and cicadas, but overall this piece lacks some punch. I have no problem with short poems but this does seem to be more of an idea than anything else, a concept that should be expanded upon and given more meaning in revisions. Don't get me wrong, you're a good writer, the words and techniques used here are all excellent, but ultimately they don't come together into something that leaves a lasting impact on me. (Though the stark separation of the final line from the rest was nice, and the words stirred an eerie melancholy in me.) But quite simply it's not enough at this stage. You've got the bones--now give it the meat. Thanks for the read.
If I had wings, I would have opened them. I would have risen from the ground. -Mary Oliver
