An Insomniac's Poem

Paranoia grips my churning mind,
As sleep comes not to me.
I shift my positions while upon my bed,
To seek the gated dream.
-
Relentless attempts at a perfect night,
To reflect upon my next day.
I hopelessly continue with my midnight plights,
Underneath a starry array.
-
-
-
Dream weaver

Oh beautiful princess, wound up in dreams, 
Won't you come to touch me?
With shimmering veils of the perfect sleep, 
One embrace would be all that I need.
-
Sister of the moon, please release me,
By capturing me into your realm.
Your shimmering eyes which steal men's souls,
And tears whose power overwhelms.
-
Look upon me and see what I need,
For not having it is driving me mad.
Cast your sleeping curse upon me,
Along with a dream to be had.

Hmm...I really liked it in the perspective that I can relate to it. I'm not an insomniac but there are many nights when I do feel like this. It isn't very pleasent...

But aside from that, the poem itself was well written. My favorite part was undoubtfully the entire first stanza. As soon as I read it, I wanted, or moreso needed, to keep reading on. It captivated me in it's truth.

It truly was a great poem. Keep it up!

~mybrokenreality

OH MY GOSH. That was probably the most beautiful thing I have read this year. Your imagery is lovely and dreamlike, absolutely fitting. I really can't find anything to critique so in stead I shall give you a gold star! Shine on, my friend. (And sleep well!)

I really like this! As many have not spent a good night's sleep, I'm sure we can all relate to this. You have a good writing style! The imagery is consistent, and the flow is breathtaking! I think this poem is very unique, and I love how you don't try too hard (As most writers do) to rhyme, but somehow make the lines flow naturally. Great job! Keep on writing! You have a talent!

~Lindsay

13timmy24 wrote:Paranoia grips my churning mind,
As sleep comes not to me.
I shift my positions while upon my bed,
To seek the gated dream.
-
Relentless attempts at a perfect night,
To reflect upon my next day.
I hopelessly continue with my midnight plights,
Underneath a starry array.
-
-
-
Dream weaver

Oh beautiful princess, wound up in dreams, 
Won't you come to touch me?
With shimmering veils of the perfect sleep, 
One embrace would be all that I need.
-
Sister of the moon, please release me,
By capturing me into your realm.
Your shimmering eyes which steal men's souls,
And tears whose power overwhelms.
-
Look upon me and see what I need,
For not having it is driving me mad.
Cast your sleeping curse upon me,
Along with a dream to be had.

I LOVED reading this poem! As someone who suffers from insomnia, I found it rather tasteful. I like your usage of metaphors in the fourth and fifth paragraphs. Overall, great poem, keep up the good writing, and I look forward to reading your other pieces!

This is pretty sweet. I love the idea of it. And the title is like a little memoir, almost. My favourite verse, I think, was this one:

Look upon me and see what I need,
For not having it is driving me mad.
Cast your sleeping curse upon me,
Along with a dream to be had.

I thought it was really cool because through all the beautiful desciptions, all the sudden we're pulled back away from their begging and pleading with that beautiful woman, and we see that they're still fighting to catch some zzz's. I love that like "Cast your sleeping curse upon me" -- its a totally different way of looking at sleep. Nice poem!