life

Life goes on, as do we
Losing, gaining family
Friends, enemies, often they blend
Nothings the same from start to end
Learning’s constant, changes nigh
From when we’re born to when we die
Standing strong so we don’t fall
Learning to rise above it all

Stubborn others refuse to learn
Convinced that they will always burn
In pain and hated of early years
Never releasing clenching fears

Let go, break free
So you can finally see
Things won’t always be this way
So live to die another day

I like the rhyme in some parts of your poem. It's almost like a song. And I love the message. Great work! I hope to see more of your work here on YWS.

randomer wrote:Life goes on, as do we
Losing and gaining family
Friends, enemies, often they blend
Nothing's the same from start to end
Learning’s constant, changes nigh
From when we’re born to when we die
Standing strong so we don’t fall
Learning to rise above it all I think this line and the one above are out of place.. Especially with the line "Learning to rise above it all" You don't define what "It" is, therefore, it lacks the depth and inversely the simplicity to fit in with the rest.
Stubborn others refuse to learn
Convinced that they will always burn In life I'm pretty sure burning is a bad thing, I think this rhyme is a bit forced, and relies on the off chance that the reader will interpret it in the rare way you made it depend on. I assume you meant burn bright or last on, but at first read, it sounded to me like they were convinced that they would die horrifically, or go to hell.. And it didn't seem to make sense with the line above, if that's what it means.
In pain and hated of early years
Never releasing clenching fears
Let go, break free This line doesn't flow into the line below, even with the comma.. Perhaps you could change it.. I have no suggestions
So you can finally see
Things won’t always be this way
So live to die another day

You also need to punctuate the poem, which sometimes seems like the hardest thing to remember, but it's always important. I like the concept of the poem, basically about the trials of life, but some of it seems forced. It mostly had beautiful flow, and didn't seem forced, but one bad apple can ruin the bunch. I look forward to seeing a revised work, and I hope you have a fantastic day.

thanks for your reviews

13timmy24 wrote:

randomer wrote:Standing strong so we don’t fall
Learning to rise above it all I think this line and the one above are out of place.. Especially with the line "Learning to rise above it all" You don't define what "It" is, therefore, it lacks the depth and inversely the simplicity to fit in with the rest.
Stubborn others refuse to learn
Convinced that they will always burn In life I'm pretty sure burning is a bad thing, I think this rhyme is a bit forced, and relies on the off chance that the reader will interpret it in the rare way you made it depend on. I assume you meant burn bright or last on, but at first read, it sounded to me like they were convinced that they would die horrifically, or go to hell.. And it didn't seem to make sense with the line above, if that's what it means.
In pain and hated of early years

maybe i should've made it clearer, but the 'it' in 'learning to rise above it all' just meant rising above the bad things and stuff, and the next few lines basically meant other people don't learn to ignore all the bad stuff and are convinced that their life will suck forever just because something went wrong when they were younger. thanks for the reveiw and i will edit it when i find the time
-randomer