Roses Red

I know the name isn't that great for this poem, but I couldn't think of anything else.

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I try to find some comfort,
in a world that never sleeps.
This pain and spiteful torment
is too much for me.

Would you ever know,
the pain I feel inside.
And if you did,
would you be able to cope?

This world of war and crime,
thrives on hate we show.
Is this why peace,
is like a myth we blindly chase?

The pain like a dagger,
digs into us all.
How much do we hide in joy,
just to make the roses red?

Hi! Ok, so at first I must admit I didn't like it. But after i re-read it and really registered the poem in my head I liked it a lot more! This is one of the poems that really make you think. This line is defiantly what made the poem amazing to me "How much do we hide in joy, just to make the roses red?" It is a such a strong deep line that really makes you think a whole lot about multiple things! So good job, and keep writing!

-KAH

I liked it. The emotions were good, and the flow seemed all right. Though there was one thing that confused me.

Is this why peace,
is like a myth be blindly chase?

I didn't quite understand this line. Also, it is too long, and faltered the flow.

But other than that, this was a good poem, and I especially loved the way you ended with the last two lines. I agree with KAH that last two lines were strong and deep. I can't wait to read more of you works. Best of luck with your writing~bluewaterlily.

I really enjoyed this - it's one of those poems which seems to be deeper than the words on the page. It was meaningful, and really made me think as I read it - several times, I admit, to try and fully understand. I liked your word choices and it had a very strong ending...I happen to personally love poems that end with questions, so bonus points for that

The main thing I'd critique is the flow, though. It seemed a little disjointed in a couple of places.

This world of war and crime, thrives on hate we show.

I think you need another syllable in the second line, perhaps "On the hate we show.

And here,

Is this why peace, is like a myth we blindly chase?

I would suggest moving the first "is" of the second line to the end of the first line.
Is this why peace is,
like a myth we blindly chase?

Here,

The pain like a dagger, digs into us all.

It seems a little too short to fit with the rest, like it needs an extra syllable in both lines...maybe "The pain is like a dagger, it digs into us all.

And finally,

How much do we hide in joy, just to make the roses red?

I think taking a syllable away from the second line, perhaps "the", and switching the words "just" and "to" around.
How much do we hide in joy,
to just make roses red?

You can probably tell I'm all about flow
Oh, and I'd also change "would" to "could" in the second stanza, I think it's perhaps more appropriate?

But overall, I really enjoyed it
Just remember, this is all just my taste and opinion though
Hope it helps,
Vampyre.

Hello there, King!

Here to review.

Okay, so Vampyre has pretty much covered up all about the flow and I won't bother much about it anymore.

I try to find some comfort,
in a world that never sleeps.
This pain and spiteful torment
is too much for me.

This seems to be an emotional stanza. I feel like the idea or the message of what you're trying to say has been used up many times already by other poets. Spice this up, King. That's all bland and you need something interesting and an attention grabbing, in my opinion.

Would you ever know,
the pain I feel inside.
And if you did,
would you be able to cope?

I honestly have to say I didn't quite much enjoy that stanza. The "pain I feel inside" part, should you end it with a question mark, I think. And with the last line, I'll suggest that you continue the "able to cope", because it feels like lacking in my opinion. "Would you be able to cope?" with what? with the pain?

The pain like a dagger,
digs into us all.
How much do we hide in joy,
just to make the roses red?

That is a good final stanza. And it's nice that you wrote here about the "roses red", without the readers thinking it literally. Do you get me? Haha. But really, what is that 'pain'? Be specific but you don't have to make the whole poem say the message obviously, just balance everything out.

All in all, this has a potential to be a good poem, King. The words you choose and the concept behind this is half-cliche', so, just like what I've said earlier spice this up. Widened up your mind to every possibilities and do it with your vocabulary too. Hope I helped. PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri