My Spot For You

I feel as if you watch over me,
but I know you can't talk back,
so here I am trying,
to be here for you.

I always leave a spot for you,
and never let it go.
If you were here you'd do the same,
and I'd always be right there.

As days go by I know you'll see,
how much I did love you.
But I'm not sure how long I can
go on without my girl.

Maybe to make the time go by,
I could come visit you.
I guess that's why I have this knife,
held up against my neck.

I feel as if you watch over me,
but I know you can't talk back,
so here I am trying,
to be here for you.

I like this first stanza, its very simple and straight to the point.

I always leave a spot for you,
and never let it go.
If you were here you'd do the same,
and I'd always be right there.

The first two lines read a bit awkwardly to me. 'I always leave a spot for you, and never let it go.' just doesn't sit well with me.

As days go by I know you'll see,
whohow much I did love you.
But I'm not sure how long I can
go on without my girl.

Awww, this line is so cute. Makes me slightly emotional which is weird *cough* So, very simple it pushes all the right buttons. Only one spelling mistake, I blame your keyboard

Maybe to make the time go by,
I could come visit you.
I guess that's why I have this knife,
held up against my neck.

o_O, I was not expecting that. I like the shocking ending.

At the beginning I thought this was good but not spectacularly so, but as I got nearer to the ending I started to like it a bit more. The ending was the best bit, at first It was a guy pining for his dead girlfriend. And at the end it was him killing himself.

Nicely Written.

Anger

Hey Kingolions,
I think that this poem is okay. I have noticed a recurring theme in your poems. Most of the poems are about the main character wishing to be with someone or saving someone who is either dead or dieing. I have one suggestion.

I feel as if you watch over me,
but I know you can't talk back,
so here I am trying,
to be here for you.

I would rewrite the second to last line so it says "So I am trying, to be here for you."
I did not expect the abrupt ending. I was very surprised the guy tries to commit suicide at the end.
I probably did not give the best review because I think that I am horrible at writing but, hopefully this helps you in some way.
Have a great day,
Fiction

Hey kingolions!

I liked this poem! It was a bit different to some of your previous works so you are extending your ideas *pats on the back and hands a magic cookie*

In this poem, you show off more of your creative side by going out and doing something a bit different. This one filled the criteria of a poem with flying colours! It had excellent description and was filled with emotion! It wasn't too long which is always good.

Maybe to make the time go by,
I could come visit you.
I guess that's why I have this knife,
held up against my neck.

This was my favourite stanza. Oh my god! Why? The last line was such a shock! I couldn't believe it. I had to read it a few times to take it all in. This guy sounded kind of sweet then he's about to kill himself? My god!


MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.