That's Him

That smile
Teasing
Laughing
Looking at each other
Wondering
And knowing
Awkward moments
Hugs
Jokes
Thoughts
Deep conversations

That’s him.

Those blue eyes.
Enchant
Charm
Haunt
Me

That’s him

He doesn’t know
Not anymore
What he does
To me

That’s him

He never will
Ever
Oblivious

That’s him

But i try
And try
And pray
And hope
And laugh
And smile
And pretend
And dream
And cry


For him

Hmmm...this was...interesting. It kind of goes hand in hand with the saying 'Less is more.'

Lines may have been short but they delivered what you wanted to say. Although, maybe a little punctuation would make it more dramatic and bold. For example:

gabriella wrote:That smile.
Teasing.
Laughing.
Looking at each other.
Wondering,
And knowing.
Awkward moments.
Hugs.
Jokes.
Thoughts.
Deep conversations.

That’s him.

But then again, that's just my opinion. I thought it was great the way it was too! Overall, I really did like it. Keep up the good work!

~mybrokenreality

Hey Gabriella!

Initially when I read this poem I wasn't so sure I was going to like it. But as mybrokenreality pointed out, less is more. It's a very simple poem, but quite effective. It's actually the simplicity of the poem, that I like the most. It's straightforward and concise, but at the same time effectively portrays emotion. However, I do think you can improve it! I think you should keep the simplicity, but I am reminded of what Mark Twain once said, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
So, what I think you should do, is go back and really analyze each word separately. Could the phrase "looking at each other" be more effective by using some other words? Are there other words that could better portray "that smile"? In poetry, every single word has to be perfect. It really has to fit. Right now, the poem is a cutesy type poem, versus a powerful one that would really stay with me. You can make it more powerful by using words or images that would stand out more and make it more unique. Remember each word matters!

Good luck!