I've Got Emotion, Creeping Up On My Back

I've been reviewing a lot of work lately and one consecutive thing that I comment on everytime is:


I feel myself typing the same line over and over again "This piece is good, but it needs emotion!"
People in this world may claim that they are emotionless, but in reality everyone has emotions. Everyone is heartbroken when someone passes away, joyful when the MC concurs the climax, angry when things don't go as planned, and etc. But lately a lot of writers are missing the emotions in their writing.

Emotion is the key to a good reader/character relationship
You want your readers to relate to the character? Add emotion and describe it. Don't assume that everyone knows that the character is just happy!

It's as simple as that.

While I agree to a certain level, not all books require emotion to be good. In fact, I'd say lack of emotion can sometimes be as powerful as emotion itself. The difference is that, in those cases, the person is doing it deliberately and thus is compensating in other ways (plus it actually fits with the story at hand). In the cases you're talking about, most people are probably doing it without even realizing, resulting in something not so good. So, in that sense, I do agree with you.

However I also sometimes feel that people go overboard with it. Something little and simple can often be more effective than a long description of someone's inner emotions. We generally don't think in detailed explanations of our own emotions, at least not while we're actually experiencing them, and so it tends to come off weird when characters are written in such a way. I generally prefer something subtle, a physical action or single line of dialogue, that reveals the emotion a character is feeling, rather than the writer going into intricate detail about the emotion itself (I'm not saying that this is what you were suggesting or anything, I'm just throwing it in because it's on the same topic).

However I also sometimes feel that people go overboard with it. Something little and simple can often be more effective than a long description of someone's inner emotions. We generally don't think in detailed explanations of our own emotions, at least not while we're actually experiencing them, and so it tends to come off weird when characters are written in such a way. I generally prefer something subtle, a physical action or single line of dialogue, that reveals the emotion a character is feeling, rather than the writer going into intricate detail about the emotion itself (I'm not saying that this is what you were suggesting or anything, I'm just throwing it in because it's on the same topic).

Show, don't tell, basically. And I completely agree.

There's an article in the Knowledge Base titled Breathing emotion into scenes which is about how to show emotion with just a handful of words mixed in to the prose. The examples might not be the best thing ever written, but it shows how just a few actions can show emotion in a description.

Also, it depends on the author's style. I have seen an author who hardly puts in any emotion, and his writing is a smooth read. I've seen another author who wrote out some beautiful metaphors and similes for her character's emotions, very rich language, and it fit perfectly (I also remember a certain feeling of detachment from that MC, which fit her personality.)

And I touched on that in the bracket— depends on the character. I have one character who observers the situation without feeling all that much emotion; it's a balancing act to keep her relatable, but she'll never have too many places where she's overtaken by emotion/feels all that much. If she does, then the situation is really stressful. I have another character who's feeling emotions a fair bit, so she gets more emotional phrases slipped into the prose. So as Michael said above, the author can be doing it intentionally.

A question for you: How should the put emotion in?

Well it's kind of hard for me to tell other people how they should write their stories considering how many factors are involved at any given time, but at least with my own novel I tried (and am still trying) to remove any point in it where I simply say that a character feels "angry" or "sad" or "happy" or anything like that, since it's just too direct and isn't really interesting at all to the reader. It's hard to describe what I do because I pretty much write entirely on feeling, without putting too much technical thought into what's going down on the page. Basically, once it sounds good, I'm happy. With that in mind, I also like to focus on more abstract feelings and thoughts. Most of my characters are pretty "weird" I guess, in the sense that many of their actions, motivations, and inner-thoughts may seem kind of odd or even random, yet through that I attempt to convey the intended emotion. I don't know, it's really hard to describe, it'd probably be easier for people to get what I mean if I just posted a short passage from my novel. It's probably not the best example I could find, but it's the first one that popped into my head.

Just as a warning, there is some coarse language and some mildly adult content. Nothing too over the top though.




On my way to the bar some fake little blond broad practically falls into me, drunk as hell and breathing heavy. She grabs ahold of my arms for support and I stare down at her, dumbfounded and trying to figure out if she's good-looking or not. She takes it as interest and cracks a big dumb grin.
-You want to go have some fun? she asks.
-Oh, believe me, I'm already having way too much fun.
-I meant even more fun.
-That sounds dangerous.
She laughs stupidly, a lock of hair falling across her face. Her head cocked to the side. I can tell she's baiting me to move it away from her face for her, to tuck it behind her ear all romantic like, but it's too bad because she picked the wrong motherfucker for that shit and so instead I just shove her off me into a nearby crowd of people, watching as she is sucked into it like a planet being engulfed by a black hole. The look on her face is priceless and briefly it puts a smile onto my own.
The hollow sense of elation doesn't last. Claustrophobia, that old friend of mine, it crawls up my spinal cord and all over my skin like a little family of spiders. Sweat beads on my forehead. My fingers, my toes, tingling like I've done too much coke because I have. My head reels and I get that sick sense of panic from suddenly being confused as shit. Where am I again? What am I doing here? The world is hazy and alien to my puny mortal mind and I feel like crawling underneath one of the tables and laying there in a fetal position. Waiting it out. But I don't know what it is I'd be waiting out. All these giggling goblins maybe, their faces sneering like carved pumpkins. Yeah, if another person approaches me I may punch them in the teeth. Or gouge out their eyeballs.
Finally at the bar, I squeeze in between a very ugly woman and some muscle-bound fuck that flashes me his best tough-guy look. It's a mug that I vaguely recognize but don't care enough to remember. He seems to remember me though because he quickly turns to stare the other way once he gets a good look at my face. Then the bartender comes up and gives me a friendly nod and I realize I somehow lost my glass on the way over here. By now it was probably shattered into a million pieces and sticking into some poor bastard's foot.
-What you need, Nero? says the bartender.
I glance him over. Shiny bald head and face pierced in all the major categories. I can't be sure, but I don't think he has any eyebrows. He obviously knows me, and I probably know him too, but honestly I'm in no mood for chit-chat and anyway right now I probably wouldn't recognize my own dick.

It's like I can't stop
Because you know what I need

am i getting warm with this, by chance?