Weathermen

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When I was a kid, my dad would try to explain wind to me and the movement patterns of clouds. He would say that when a storm was approaching our valley, the wind would usually come out of the south. We would stand in the yard for a minute or two and try to feel the upcoming storm, read the southwind's conch whisper – smell it, taste it. Our family loved storms. I loved storms because they were transitions, the same way I loved autumn and spring, dusk and dawn. Between-states, neither solid nor gas.
And summer storms especially.
The air snug, the clouds dark and kept as church secrets, little preambles of thunder, the hills yellow and orange and indian and everything crackling, seizing with static electricity, and we would worry about things like metal, and the big dying tree outside our house which might finally be stricken by lightning and topple to crush our living room. Dad would worry about forest fires. Until the rain came, anyway. The fat, cold tadpole droplets, in obedience to the law of falling bodies. These best-tasting and rare summer rains that we would watch from the porch, listening to bends of thunder. All feeling that maybe god wasn't so far away after all.
Dad, amateur weather enthusiast, would always be setting up rain gauges, thermometers, watching the weather on TV. He told me that his own father had wanted him to be a meteorologist at one point. I thought of meteorologists as strange and druidical beings. Watching storms unspun like silkworms for silk. Divining temperatures, droughts.
Maybe a little gourd-shaking and throat singing thrown in with the dances and polytheistic chants.
Weather was so much voodoo anyway. It seemed the only thing that the weatherman on TV could get right was the weekly temperatures. Dad and I would watch the weekly temperatures as if they were lotto numbers. For a roulette of cooling trends in the summer, a powerball of anything over freezing during the winter.
He owned a small weather radio, too, which fascinated me, and which he would listen to as he shaved or took showers. It was a small square box with a disproportionately large antenna that would extend probably two feet. Perhaps my first fascination with the weather radio was the antenna. I think I've always had a thing for antennas. Segmented like bamboo. Perhaps small, electronic attempts at Babel – the further extended, the more truthful the transmissions; like Adam's sistine finger desperately reaching, probing into paint. I also liked the on/off button. It was large, and the only button on the radio. It clicked into place satisfyingly.
The voice that came out with its meteorological statements when the button was pushed was always a mystery. Its words robotic, clipped, said in the same monotony as a summer heatwave. I wondered how anyone could speak that way. And for so long. The weather report would continue as long as the radio was on, unceasing. Giving reports of weather for locations all over the county. I wondered if he ever got tired, the man with the voice. He sounded bored. Bored with his gift of prophesy. On the floor of the bathroom I would listen to this small box droning like an apiary, with little bees of degrees and dew points buzzing inside. I listened to it for as long as I could. Seeing if the radio would ever go silent. If the man would ever stop talking.
He didn't.
I wondered who he was. If he had kids. What he wore. He sounded old, middle-aged. He sounded like he wore a cardigan with finger-worn buttons, and had patchy bags under his eyes. I would listen to his voice when no one was home, and his voice would fill the house. It would be like listening to my grandpa, who, coincidentally, lived in California, which was south, where the storms came from. I thought that maybe I knew this man.
My dad later told me that it was a computer simulating the voice.
I thought that my idea of this modern-day Prometheus chained to his rock of meteorology and radio was more exciting.
But it wasn't this man in the box who was the authority on weather. For me, it was my dad who knew more in the end. I wondered quite a bit why my dad wasn't the one on the television, standing in front of a map of the west coast, pushing winds and storm fronts as easily as military commanders pushing little troop pieces across maps, and theorizing war. My dad told me that clouds moved in concentric patterns, because that was how the wind blew. He told me how lightning formed, why it rained. Despite however much he knew, it seemed to me that besides space and the depths of the ocean, our own skies were the least known. The weather was one of the few things left that man couldn't control, much less predict.
I learned from My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison that the weather was something that you talked about in polite company. The weather, which was something we all experienced, but knew very little about, like light or God. Perhaps we talk about it to make it seem less strange, to assure ourselves that at least one thing is constant, that we are still affected and driven by unknowable forces, which is a comfort. Weather, reminding us of our impermanence, by wearing down rocks, mountains, swelling rivers, creating glaciers that shape the land like potters' hands. The weather, recycled. Reminding us that we have not come so far really. That ancestors also felt this summer rain the same way we did. And looked up. And closed their eyes. And were in awe and worry at the great skirt-slits of lightning, the pipe-cries of thunder.
Still, I'll listen to the same small weather radio.
The man with the cardigan will list tonelessly the humidity level for Jackson and Josephine county.
I will be comforted, knowing that someone out there is bored with what they cannot reckon, what they cannot doubtlessly divine.
But more than that, I will be comforted that someone out there knows more.
Last edited by Kylan on Mon Aug 02, 2010 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"I am beginning to despair
and can see only two choices:
either go crazy or turn holy."

- Serenade, Adélia Prado




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Kylan,

Your first sentence can get rid of that comma, seeing as that last part is not a complete sentence.

The air snug as surgeon's gloves snapped.


I don't like this line at all. And it reads awkward. If you really want to keep it, I would suggest switching 'gloves' and 'snapped'.

The fat, cold tadpole droplets, in obedience to the law of falling bodies.


I don't like that last part of the sentence. I think it would be better to just have the fragment in the beginning.

These best-tasting and rare summer rains that we would watch from the porch, listening to bends of thunder.


The 'that' in the middle reads awkward. Although, I don't know what you would do to change it. I like the sentence, but not the 'that'.

I love the description of the voice that comes out of the radio box. It's really, really great. Kylan, I love your non-fiction writing. It's really great, it honestly is. You can hold my attention throughout the whole piece, and I feel like I really get to know you better, which is always a plus. I love your poetry and prose too, but your nonfiction is really a knockout. You need to do it more often. Honestly, it's great.

I don't really have anything other to say. But please, keep writing these shorts. People will learn a lot.

-Jared
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.




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Kylan -


I did actually read this when you first posted it, but wondered if there was much point in critiquing something so obviously autobiographical. Not that I cannot critique nonfic; just whether it has any kind of value, since I'd liken it to reading someone's journal and, well, it's not exactly like you can review the narration of someone's life, content wise, and say 'this should be a metaphor for such and such; you could add a dash more symbolism here.' The very idea of it seems a tad ridiculous.

So. Some informal thoughts from me, then. I'm not the greatest fan of meteorology - in fact, I find the art rather mundane, myself - but you turn that around nicely, especially with the humorous one-liners that I so love in your work: 'Weather was so much voodoo anyway.' 'I thought that my idea of this modern-day Prometheus chained to his rock of meteorology and radio was more exciting.' 'Maybe a little gourd-shaking and throat singing thrown in with the dances and polytheistic chants. ' I don't become interested in weather, so much, as the meanderings of the child's mind, the relationship with the father, the radio, nature. That down-to-earth, conversational tone of this is great.

Perhaps it is the fact that it is a personal account that makes it so much more accessible than your short stories, so much more tangible. Not that I think you'd be an 'acquired taste' even there - just that there is some striking difference between the way you are writing this and the way you write your stories, the latter of which are admittedly much better crafted. This is so tangible because it is so narration-oriented, because the imagery is real and not overwritten in any way at all. While I enjoy the poetic imagery in the short stories, here I see something bizarre - it is the action that drives the story, and not the description. In your short stories, there is a firm balance of each.

I must say, I rather like this imbalance.

The imagery does not have a section of its own here; it slips in quietly while we give more weight to the progression of the tale. Unlike in your stories, where it seems like there is action and description separated (fitting in some cases, depending on what effect you are going for: for example, in Viruses, the reader needs that fast-slow-fast-slow pacing to contribute to the sense of madness, to heighten the immediacy of the obsession, as well as to allow the metaphors to be fully developed). Perhaps this, then, might be a way to experiment, for next time, where the story drives the story, as opposed to both the padding around the story and the story driving the story. If that makes sense. I think what I am saying here is kind of like answering the question I asked at the end of Viruses: we need a balance of action-description, but how long should we dwell on each for the piece to work? What's interesting here is that although you achieve that balance, the fact that you alternate so rapidly between the two means that all in all, it's the story we remember, not the imagery. Of course, the latter makes it more beautiful to read.




Navita




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Hey, so I think this is actually great. I love the descriptions that you're providing; very relatable and accurate.

Dad would worry about forest fires. Until the rain came, anyway. The fat, cold tadpole droplets, in obedience to the law of falling bodies. These best-tasting and rare summer rains that we would watch from the porch, listening to bends of thunder. All feeling that maybe god wasn't so far away after all.


So, actually, that is just a big series of fragments. You might want to think about modifying them in some way; be it a semi-colon or a hyphen, or fixing them together with transition words like 'and' and such.

Watching storms unspun like silkworms for silk. Divining temperatures, droughts.

Maybe a little gourd-shaking and throat singing thrown in with the dances and polytheistic chants.


More fragments! What for those! But believe me, we all make them! Oh, and "unspun" show be like, unwind or something.

I listened to it for as long as I could. Seeing if the radio would ever go silent. If the man would ever stop talking.


Maybe try ...:
I listened to it for as long as I could, seeing if the radio would ever go silent; if the man would ever stop talking.


Other than a few fragments and mistakes, I thought this was cool. I loved when you used similes and metaphors to compare two things, and instead your comparison talked about weather -- a nice added touch to fit in with the atmosphere. I think that this is a very cool piece. Up where I live now, we get big thunder storms too; the lightening lights up the entire sky! However, as cool as it is, I'm always worried for the well-being of my horses ... But this is a cool piece. Good job.
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.

Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth."

-- Oscar Wilde



Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein