The Life of a Teenage Girl

Melodies woven of petty despairs and shallow depressions,
Hopeless ships sunk precisely when predicted.
Laughter comes only in comfort, 
Happiness in short bursts of freedom.
Perfection is undefinable and unreachable,
Yet a goal in every chamber of the heart, every lobe of the brain.
Tall and pretty in the face of decision,
While inner knees quake at unfamiliar burdens.
Lost in a sea of infinite misunderstandings,
Chained by childhood,
Tantalized by adulthood,
Which waves the key like a banner of uncertainty.

**Disclaimer: I know I am not very good at this. I am a complete novice when it comes to this kind of writing. I do want to get better, however, which is why I'm starting to post pieces like this, all written from my itouch while I'm on vacation in a little beach town. 

Hey,
Welcome, and wow I really enjoyed this piece. For you being a total novice ( ) this was really good. I could relate to the images you portrayed through your words. I didn't really see room for much improvement.

If you ever need anything review feel free to PM me
Have a great day,
Tiffany

Hey there! I hope you're having a good vacation. Also, I'm glad you're looking for help! Sometimes I think people aren't willing to improve... So I'll give you what help I can!

You have a great topic for this poem, something that everyone can relate to, and I think you touch at the heart of this idea with these lines:

Lost in a sea of infinite misunderstandings,
Chained by childhood,
Tantalized by adulthood,
Which waves the key like a banner of uncertainty.

Neither child, nor adult. What are we, then, when we're between those years? It's a strong feeling, a hard thing to put exactly into words, but you try and I give you so much credit for that.

The first part of your poem, though, looks really list-y. You just list emotions related to things: despair, depression, hopelessness, comfort, happiness, etc. But even though you talk about all these emotions, I don't feel any of them. As a poet, your goal is to affect the reader in some way. You want to make the reader feel, think, react. When I read this poem, I should be able to think back to my own teenager years, as well as the speakers, relate to it all and feel the emotional torment rise inside me. But instead, I only see a list of emotions.

It's very hard to do this thing - make the reader feel. But I'm telling you this, anyway, because it's an important part of poetry. My suggestion is to write about something happening, some event in this speaker's teenager years that represents this torment between child and adult. That way, you're not just talking about being a teenager, there is a solid event and action that goes along with it. That gives the reader something to experience. It makes your poem much more solid. Like I said, it's hard to do, but no point trying now. And keep in mind all the poetic things you can use to bring more emotion into your poetry: imagery, symbolism, metaphor and simile. Those are all incredibly important things when painting a picture, a feeling, an experience for the reader.

You have a solid topic for this poem - being a teenager - which is good. A lot of people go into writing a poem and they're not entirely sure what they're even writing about! But, since you know your subject, focus in on it. What can you do to bring the reader back into those teenage years and torments? How can you make the reader sympathetic to the speaker?

My best suggestion to any novice poet would be to read poetry. Even if you just read poetry on this site and review, it'll be helpful to you. The more you become acquainted with poetry, the more you understand its inner-workings, the more you will be able to do the same beautiful things in your own writing. Best of luck!

This was good, but I almost felt like you should have been a little more sepcific. I especially like the last two lines, as I thought they were exceedingly clear. Also, your meter could have been a bit better, but if it suits you then I'm not one to complain. Nice work, dear.

I thought it was good

"Lost in a sea of infinite misunderstandings,
Chained by childhood,
Tantalized by adulthood,
Which waves the key like a banner of uncertainty."

Very well put. Definitely captured an emotion there: great work.

The Modernist

I like the way you described teenage life.

especially this lines:

Melodies woven of petty despairs and shallow depressions,
Hopeless ships sunk precisely when predicted.
Laughter comes only in comfort,
Happiness in short bursts of freedom.

but there a little bit emotional from the 2nd to the last part.

In the end, it's just my review of what i can see.

Teenage life is the most wonderful and joyous part of every person's life.
We must not let the feelings take ourselves. Don't be too emotional and enjoy every moment of our lives