Heart of Stone<3

As I stared at the glossy picture it felt as if I were going back in time. His face, his smile, his voice, they all left me breathless. It was hard to believe this little boy in the picture was a rockstar. One of the biggest of all times. Well as far as alternative boy bands go. His flawless smile warmed my heart. In the picture I was standing next to my bestfriend: Aaryn Alexander. He meant the world to me, and to be completly truthful. I was in love with him. We went to school together in the third and fourth grade. I doubt he felt the same way but to me I guess it didn't matter.

I snapped out of my trance and put the picture back on my visor. I climbed reluctanly out of my tiny car and walked over to my small group of friends. There was a crowd of people over at the popular table.
"What's going on over there?" I stood on my tiptoes trying to see.
"There's a new guy and everyone is going crazy. We couldn't get to him in time to save him from the evilness of Amber, but if he's smart he'll walk away on his own."

The bell wrang and everyone started to walk inside the school building. I continued to look towards the table untill almost all the people were gone. I saw a normal guy. Most guys are just normal compaired to Aaryn's ice blue eyes, and natural flawless black hair. This boy was no threat to him.

I sat in math class with my head on my desk wishing my life didn't suck. I heard shoes click into the room. Great now I get to deal with Amber.
"Gracie aren't you always a pleasure!" I scoffed. "Good morning to you to." She spun around in her seat.

Then he walked in the room. Amber sat up straighter and messed with her hair. He didn't even look at her. His eyes were on the floor as if he didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. I wouldn't blame him. I put my head phones in and tried not to cry as one of Aaryn's bands songs came on.

I could feel someone boring holes in my head with their eyes. I looked over and the new guy was staring at me. I looked into his eyes. Ice blue. I got up from my seat and ran down the hallway and into the bathroom.

"Oh my gosh what is wrong with me? Am I really that despreate that I am seeing Aaryn in everyone?!" I sobbed into my hands. I heard foot steps coming down the hall. I quickly jumped into a stall and locked the door.

"Grace?" I heard my name from the other side of the door. "I know you're in there. You always pick the first stall to cry in." I froze.

"Ugh, now I'm hearing things. God I need help!" Someone knocked on the stall door.

I slowly opened the door. I saw the new guy standing outside. He reached out his hand and tucked a curl behind my ear. He reached up to mess with his hair and pulled it off. I was a wig, and there standing before me was Aaryn. I gazed up in amazment at him.

"Wh..." "

"Grace for once in your life, would you shut up?" He leaned in and kissed me gently. His ice blue eyes melting my heart of stone. I finally felt all those feelings I'd always wanted to feel. I felt loved, charrished, warm, comforted, and happy. All the feelings I hadn't felt in a long time.




The Enddd!!<33

Honestly, i enjoyed this story.
But it got me confusing at points.
Either it didn't make sense or i wasn't reading correctly.
Other than that, i enjoyed it.

Thank you. What part did you get confused on? I was just making that up as I was going to it has a ton of flaws.

I liked it; very palpable emotions at some parts. There were two parts that confused me. When she went to cry in the bathroom, Aaryn came in. Wasn't it a girls bathroom? And shortly before that she runs out of the classroom. Didn't the teacher or the other students have any reaction to that? This all makes sense but, overall, it seems a bit unrealistic.

I still liked the dialogue.

7.5 out of 10

I was a little confused myself, and I think I know why: my very first impression was that she was older, and that, in her younger years, she had been in love with someone who eventually became famous (an interesting theme there to explore), but then it turns out that he is still within arms reach.

I'll be blunt: it's an anemic story as it is, and I think you could do very well by distilling its essence into a poem, or, given that this seems to be something you wrote on the fly, you should probably run through it a couple times and decorate it, so to speak, give it life with vivid descriptions and just capture that emotion you're trying to convey.

To me, there are two parts of a short story. One is the part where things flow together, and the puzzle pieces fit together, and then there is the part with what the story makes you feel. On the feeling part, it was very romantic, in a kind of short way. Then in the way of flowing it was very cut off. There was very few details, and having it be a short story, there was alot you did not explain, so as far as that goes, it needs improvement. But I liked it! I would like to see more of your writing!

Hey there!
I liked it. It's simple.
There are very few mistakes, but over all, it was great.

Keep writing, okay?
I'd love to read more.

-KAT <3

Its a bit confusing. I thought that they never really got to know each other? Why would he walk in and kiss her? It seems a bit realistic but it was cute. Your MC seemed a bit cliched and your plot was filled with flaws. The story is moving way to fast. Although it was good to read something that ended happily.

Keep Writing.

Anger

P.S I don't get how the name references to the story,

Hello, Anne! I'll try my best to give you a proper review! Everything I say will be in green.

As I stared at the glossy picture it felt as if I were going back in time. His face, his smile, his voice, they all left me breathless. It was hard to believe this little boy in the picture was a rockstar. Rock star is two words. One of the biggest of all times. Well, as far as alternative boy bands go. His flawless smile warmed my heart. In the picture I was standing next to my bestfriend: Aaryn Alexander. He meant the world to me, and to be completly completely truthful. Change this period into a comma, or else the sentence before will remain an incomplete sentence. I was in love with him. We went to school together in the third and fourth grade. This sentence just seems to be throw in there, thus interrupting the flow.. Either take it out completely or fit it in somewhere else. I doubt he felt the same way but to me I guess it didn't matter.



I snapped out of my trance and put the picture back on my visor. I climbed reluctanly reluctantly out of my tiny car and walked over to my small group of friends. There was a crowd of people over at the popular table. Is the popular table outside? Because, if not, you just parked in the middle of the cafeteria.

"What's going on over there?" I stood on my tiptoes trying to see.

"There's a new guy and everyone is going crazy. We couldn't get to him in time to save him from the evilness of Amber, but if he's smart he'll walk away on his own."

The bell wrang rang and everyone started to walk inside the school building. I continued to look towards the table untill until almost all the people were gone. I saw a normal guy. Most guys are just normal compaired compared to Aaryn's ice blue eyes, and natural flawless black hair. This boy was no threat to him. Why would he be a threat anyway?

I sat in math class with my head on my desk, wishing my life didn't suck. I heard shoes click into the room. Great, now I get to deal with Amber.

"Gracie, aren't you always a pleasure!" I scoffed. "Good morning to you too." She spun around in her seat.

Then he walked in the room. Amber sat up straighter and messed with her hair. He didn't even look at her. His eyes were on the floor as if he didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. I wouldn't blame him. I put my head phones in and tried not to cry as one of Aaryn's bands songs came on.

I could feel someone boring holes in my head with their eyes. I looked over and the new guy was staring at me. I looked into his eyes. Ice blue. I got up from my seat and ran down the hallway and into the bathroom. Why did she just run out of the classroom? That was a rather sudden and impulsive move.

"Oh my gosh what is wrong with me? Am I really that despreate desperate that I am seeing Aaryn in everyone?!" I sobbed into my hands. I heard foot steps coming down the hall. I quickly jumped into a stall and locked the door.

"Grace?" I heard my name from the other side of the door. "I know you're in there. You always pick the first stall to cry in." I froze.

"Ugh, now I'm hearing things. God I need help!" Someone knocked on the stall door.

I slowly opened the door. I saw the new guy standing outside. He reached out his hand and tucked a curl behind my ear. He reached up to mess with his hair and pulled it off. I was a wig, and there standing before me was Aaryn. I gazed up in amazement at him.

"Wh..." "

"Grace for once in your life, would you shut up?" Why is he telling her to shut up? She barely said anything. He leaned in and kissed me gently. His ice blue eyes melting my heart of stone. I finally felt all those feelings I'd always wanted to feel. I felt loved, charrished cherished, warm, comforted, and happy. All the feelings I hadn't felt in a long time.

The scene with her running out of the class was rather sudden and impulsive. It just seems like a quick way for her to get out of the classroom so they could meet. There was not very much description and, quite frankly, this story was quite bland. There was no cinnamon added to the bun. I would like more back story on their relationship, all I really know about anything is that he's a rock star. Try spicing this up a bit. Also, I find it unnerving how his first words to her are shut up. That was not very nice at all.

Hope I helped!

ReisePiecey!

Thank you all for the constructive criticism!! I will fix everything and hope that it makes more since