Party Like A Zombie

Hey I'm a zombie
I like to eat brains
I live on the railroad
in front of old trains
*
I use to be human
my name was Ted
I use to eat steak
and sleep on a bed
*
but one day
one fateful day
I believe it was Sunday
early in May
*
I went to the graveyard
black in night
where I saw something crazy
which gave me great fright
*
I wanted to run
I wanted to hide
but instead I sat down
and quietly cried
*
it looked really fun
and positiviley great
and that is when I learned
the end of my fate
*
all of the zombies
were having a party
so I went up to one
whose name was Marty
*
"let me eat your brains
and a zombie you'll become
you'll party all the time
and never miss mum"
*
so he ate my brains
and it felt great
because he was right
I don't miss mum or mate
*
so I thank you dear Reader
but please do mind
if you would like
to become one of my kind?

First of all, this made me laugh! I loved the humor and the casualness.

Hey I'm a zombie

Shows said casualness and humor.


Nitpick:

but one day
one fateful day
I believe it was Sunday
early in May

I don't particularly like how it says day twice especially because day is also in sunday. I think you should change the first day to another word that doesn't rhyme in order to keep up your rhyme scheme.

Another thing:

and quietly cried
*
it looked really fun

This shows a conflict in emotion. He was crying even though it looked fun? It's confusing.

I love the last stanza!

so I thank you dear Reader
but please do mind
if you would like
to become one of my kind?

It just made me laugh even more!

All in all this was a hilariously great poem Good work!

Hey Sionarama!
This made me laugh in a good way! You some fun back into poetry. The only critique I have to give is about one of your stanzas.

but one day
one fateful day
I believe it was Sunday
early in May

The beginning two lines do not sound like the rest of the poem! I think it's because you're repeating "day" at the end of both lines. The other two lines are fine though, they rhyme like the rest of the poem does.

Keep up the good work!
-SodapopLunchbox

yeah so this made me laugh

it's very clever

my only problems are the same ones little princess pointed out so i'm not gonna nitpick

but honestly i'm not much of a zombie girl but this was funny!!

~Adeera

Hhaha this poem was so funny and random it was pure imagination! There is one problem and ofcourse its the way you repeat day:
but one day
one fateful day
I believe it was Sunday
early in May
*
Other than that it was amazing and yes i will become a zombie

Hey I'm Huthaifa and I totally loved it every single word in it and by the way i laughed a lot haha
So Nice
And I tried to review it

Sionarama wrote:Hey I'm a zombie
I like to eat brains
I live on the railroad
in front of old trains
*
I use to be human
my name was Ted
I use to eat steak
and sleep on a bed
*
but one day
one fateful day
I believe it was Sunday
early in May
*
I went to the graveyard
black in night
where I saw something crazy
which gave me great fright
*
I wanted to run
I wanted to hide
but instead I sat down
and quietly cried
*
it looked really fun
and positiviley great<<<<< check spelling
and that is when I learned
the end of my fate
*
all of the zombies
were having a party
so I went up to one
whose name was Marty
*
"let me eat your brains
and a zombie you'll become
you'll party all the time
and never miss mum"<<<<<< as I think you should write "your mum"
*
so he ate my brains
and it felt great
because he was right
I don't miss mum or mate
*
so I thank you dear Reader
but please do mind
if you would like
to become one of my kind?

I thought that was right good!
It's not like you'd expect a zombie poem to be like, not scary but cheery and fun.
It's like a kids poem we all love :')

so I thank you dear Reader
but please do mind
if you would like
to become one of my kind?

I loved this, made me laugh, I'll happily become one of your kind thanks (:

positiviley

^ should be spelt positively.

xoxo

This poem was a lot different than I expected from the title. I was suspecting dark and scary, but was pleasantly surprised with whimsical and nice. It was very imaginative and I believe the last three stanzas were the best. I agree about how the rhymes day/day/Sunday should be revised. Maybe remark about the weather, I don't know. Good job though! It was sweet.

Hey Sionarama,

I'm a sucker for anything involving Zombies so this was a fun read. It's difficult to critique a fun/casual type poem, but I will say your metre needs to be check in quite a few places. You have a decent flow but it's interrupted on many occassions by you not putting enough syllables on a line. Remember to keep a consistent beat if you write a poem like this. You've gone for 5-5-6-5 at the start, but thrown that away for other stanzas. The second is 5-4-5-5, which is why it feels awkward. Tighten the metre up and this might sound better. I'd critique the content but I have a feeling you probably wouldn't change it.

I enjoy reading all of your works but this one was my favorite. Though it did not have much imagery I liked the flow of it, it made me laugh a little but maybe in place of the graveyard put something more presentable, so the reader can see the image you're trying to make the reader see. Hope I helped a little.

-M.

I enjoy reading all of your works but this one was my favorite. Though it did not have much imagery I liked the flow of it, it made me laugh a little but maybe in place of the graveyard put something more presentable, so the reader can see the image you're trying to make the reader see. Hope I helped a little.

-M.