Gaurdian Angels

The glory to behold the sight,
Of a guardian angel taking flight.
Ring a bell and let lose a thousand tings,
Watch as a thousand angels get their wings.
Off to the city those angels fly 
Listening intently for that one cry.

A soft knock on the window sill,
A little girl lifts her tear-stained face and goes still.
With a warm smile she let's herself in.
And in a gale of magic happiness replaces the girl's sin.
She tells her of a prayer spot,
"tell me your woes and worry not,
I shall take the burdens away,
And love is the only price you'll pay."
By a beautiful corner, soft and shiny,

A woodland scent, sort of piny,
Lays a young girl who soon goes still,
Her guardian angel is at the window sill.
She takes the worries to the Life Tree,
While a little girl whispers,
"I pray that you will watch over me."

Hello there and welcome to YWS!

I thought that this was a very touching poem and I liked it. I liked it because I can relate to it and it's to the point. Also, you used some great imagery in there. Although the topic is something we are all acquainted to, you did a good job at delivering the message a bit differently

Keep writing

Hi Meggwriting! I will go through and fix some mistakes first, and then give you an overall opinion ...

meggwriting wrote:The glory to behold the sight,
Of a guardian angel taking flight.
Ring a bell and let loose a thousand tings,
Watch as a thousand angels get their wings.
Off to the city those angels fly 
Listening intently for that one cry.

A soft knock on the window sill,
A little girl lifts her tear-stained face and goes still.
With a warm smile she lets herself in,
And in a gale of magic happiness replaces the girl's sin.
She tells her of a prayer spot,
"Tell me your woes and worry not,
I shall take the burdens away,
And love is the only price you'll pay."
By a beautiful corner, soft and shiny,

A woodland scent, sort of piny,
Lays a young girl who soon goes still,
Her guardian angel is at the window sill.
She takes the worries to the Life Tree,
While a little girl whispers,
"I pray that you will watch over me."

How sweet! I have to say, the sentence that traverses both the second and third stanzas doesn't make much sense. I was about to edit it, but I didn't know what you were aiming for. I like how you had a reason for each line break, and the flow and feel were apt. Nice work!

P.S. The word "guardian" is spelled with the U before the A.

Hi, Megg,

Usually, I am very picky about rhyming poems -- it's hard to find one that rhymes, is consistent in both rhyme and meter and follows a perfect structure. I can't say that your structure is entirely perfect, but this was cute, and I enjoyed it. Let's have a look, shall we?

The glory to behold the sight,

I feel like you should use "A" instead of "The" to begin this line.

Ring a bell and let lose a thousand tings,

Loose, dear, not lose.

Off to the city those angels fly

 
I'm a repetition Nazi; I think that you shouldn't use "angels" again so closely; rather, you should try something like "they will fly" in place of those angels, dear.

A little girl lifts her tear-stained face and goes still.

Watch your line length; this line is very long and disrupts your natural flow, dear. I think you should trim it, and if it doesn't sound right, consider replacing the line.

With a warm smile she let's herself in.

Girl or the Angel? Because the last noun mention is the girl, "she"/"herself" is implying the girl, not the angel.

And in a gale of magic happiness replaces the girl's sin.

Another long line. I think you can cut out either magic or happiness, dear.

By a beautiful corner, soft and shiny,

A woodland scent, sort of piny,

I felt that this couplet was pretty much unnecessary, because they don't contribute much "solid" substance to the poem, and in a way, it's kind of just extra fluff, you know?

Lays a young girl who soon goes still,
Her guardian angel is at the window sill.
She takes the worries to the Life Tree,
While a little girl whispers,
"I pray that you will watch over me."

I like the repeated usage of still and sill, and I like how you staggered the rhyme at the end. However, read this poem aloud! Check that the lines are around the same length, and make sure that you don't have to rush a word, or drag out another to make them "fit" into each other.

I think, overall, you did a decent job with this poem, dear. I felt that the rhyme was fair, but your meter could use some improvement. If you have questions, or anything, PM me.

June

i liked it, but i am not much of a poet so i really don't know much about the way the words are supposed to flow or anything but i liked your poem it was pleasing to read and i am pretty sure that's what matters the most even if you did make a few errors here and there keep up your good work.

Hey! What's up. I already read numerous poems about angel but this is my first time to read an angel being pictured out as a creature where one can lean upon. In times of sorrow and grief, they will come for us. You are showing that these "mythical creatures" really gives a great impact in our personality and to our total well-being for they symbolize the beauty after this borrowed life. Good job.