Goldfish(The Summary of Man Kind)

I'm writing this on a whim, and I'd like to see the result.

1. Not born, only made, simply sent, Made to judge, to be judged, to be diagnosed

The truth doesn't add up to what I'm saying, only an illusion is this feeling

I'm a freak, I'm a pill, I'm a human being

I live like a fish in a plastic bag, a bag which I completely understand

Predictably, disposable, unimposably imposable

5. Grow like a weed, and die like a flower

Murder me so we can live forever to the broken,

I am hideous to the beautiful, even more so to the ugly

I must be fixed, Though I'll never be better than you

10. Read another book to tell me what to do

You have a very interesting metaphor going on here, with the fish, and I like how that single line titles the entire poem. Some of your other lines ("grow like a weed, and die like a flower/murder me so we can live forever") are hauntingly wonderful, and stuck with me for awhile after I'd finished the poem.

Excellent work, please post more

Hey White Rabbit!
You write very well, even if it is "on a whim" like you said. I loved your poem, it's a different take on the world! And different is a good thing(:

My favorite line was:

Grow like a weed, and die like a flower
Murder me so we can live forever

That's an amazing way to put it!

I only have one line that confused me, and that was:

I live like a fish in a plastic bag, a bag which I completely understand
Predictably, disposable, unimposably imposable

Unimposably imposable?

That's all I really have to say! Good work!
-SodapopLunchbox

Incredibly interesting metaphors and imagery. I thought this was a great piece.. awesome word choice, fascinating thought process, nice rhythm and flow, smooth and fitting for the topic. Overall, wonderful job.

Hey,

I don't know what to do with this, haha. You had something going there at the beginning that you kind of lost and kind of got back in the middle only to lose it again towards the end. I feel helpless here, like I'm tangled in a spiderweb of words that can't be sorted out properly.

I'm a freak, I'm a pill, I'm a human being

I live like a fish in a plastic bag, a bag which I completely understand

By the second line, I'm tired of this "I"; the trapped-in-a-bubble/bag/hole/cage images is really, really old, and for the sake of this poem, I wouldn't use it. And the repetition of bag is dusty.

And I don't think that, as grand as this is in a rush of words and confusion that personify this I, that this is working, because there is no sense of... what's the word, connectivity, or sense to this, which I get is the point, emphasized by the ending, which I think is clever. But, it's just not working for me because I think it's too uncertain.

It is fabulous fodder to work with, though. You should polish this.
June