Fate

I cried.
Looking back it was to much. It had been obvious what was happening. Obvious that Jace had become more than my best friend. Obvious that he had gotten to close to my heart. Obvious that he loved me. And worst of all obvious that I loved him back.
I had been so caught up in the mystery he presented. Who was he? Why was he so evasive? What was his story? So caught up in his past that I couldn't tell what was happening in the present. And all of it was even worse because I couldn't do the one thing that I knew I had to.
Choose.
And that was the most selfish part. The worst part wasn't that I had Tyler a faithful boyfriend of two years whom I had planned to marry. The worst part wasn't that it would kill him to know that I had fallen in love with someone else. The worst part wasn't that Jace would have to love me while I was still in love with Tyler. No.
The worst part was that I knew, absolutely knew, that if I didn't choose one I would lose them both. I began to sob. On the brink of hysteria. Then a thought hit me that sobered me up real quick.
I might not even get the liberty of choosing.
Because Jace was going to die.



Just saying this was my first post. So...That's it

You should definitely expand this a bit. It's well written, but I could do with a little more detail, some history, an explanation of all these relationships. And characters! You should definitely develop out the characters. You could do a lot with this idea. Unless this was a prologue and you're already planning to continue with another post. In that case...write on!

Please make this longer ! I caught my attention in the first sentence. It's very well written. I loved the part where you wrote

"The worst part wasn't that I had Tyler a faithful boyfriend of two years whom I had planned to marry. The worst part wasn't that it would kill him to know that I had fallen in love with someone else."

At first in the beginning I liked that she and her best guy friend were falling for eachother until i kept reading on. It kept me on my toes that's for sure

Hello there! Here I am, as requested. Lets begin the review

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Writer97 wrote: I cried.
Looking back it was to much. It had been obvious what was happening. Obvious that Jace had become more than my best friend. Obvious that he had gotten to/too close to my heart. Obvious that he loved me. And worst of all obvious that I loved him back.
I had been so caught up in the mystery he presented. Who was he? Why was he so evasive? What was his story? So caught up in his past that I couldn't tell what was happening in the present. And all of it was even worse because I couldn't do the one thing that I knew I had to.
Choose.

This is a brilliant start, I love the one word sentences, such an effective technique. Although the repetitve-ness of the words and thoughts can get a little annoying at times.

And that was the most selfish part. The worst part wasn't that I had Tylersemicolon a faithful boyfriend of two years whom I had planned to marry. The worst part wasn't that it would kill him to know that I had fallen in love with someone else. The worst part wasn't that Jace would have to love me while I was still in love with Tyler. No.
The worst part was that I knew, absolutely knew, that if I didn't choose one I would lose them both. I began to sob. On the brink of hysteria. Then a thought hit me that sobered me up real quick.
I might not even get the liberty of choosing.
Because Jace was going to die.

On the whole this is a very, very good beginning, its very strong and provokes many questions in the readers mind. I have to say this is probably one of the best prologue's I have ever read, simply because it does exactly what a prologue should do. It's a brief yet detailed description, and it really does draw you in further. So high five for that! I don't have much criticsm to say, it was pretty much spelling and grammar perfect. Except as I said before, the repetition of the words and thoughts gets a little annoying after a while, I'd suggest switching it up slightly, and adding in a little more inbetween so that it isn't so obvious whats coming next.

I look forward to reading more!

xo