Borias and a nasty pirate

Now this was exactly the way Borias had planned it. Any minute now the pirate would be walking through the door and he could ambush her and take all her money. Borias hated her with all his heart. She was a konniving little so and so who had to have things her own way and she had taken all his money and as if that wasn't enough she had also taken his pet parrot, Marrin. Borias heard the door squeak as Mrs Pirate pushed it open.
"Come out, come out, wherever you arrr!" she called. Borias smiled to himself. Little did she know he was weilding a sword and was about to chop her arms off.
"Oh there you are you ugly beast," the pirate said. Borias was startled. His entire plan was ruined and all because he was day dreaming about McDonalds.
"Oh, fancy seeing you here!" he said nervously, as the pirate had a gun. The pirate smiled a toothless grin. Borias smiled back. "Did you watch Master Chef last night? It was quite good, one of them cooked this disgusting thing made out of peanuts and..."
"Arr, shut yer face ya maggot! Gimme all yer moneh!"
"No?"
"That be the wrong answer twerp!"
"Give me Marrin!"
"He died."
"What? When?"
"LOL jk he's alive!"
"I hate you!"
"Ok!"
"Where is this going?"
"To outer space in a giant apple!"
"I'll stab you!"
"Not before I shoot you!"
"Where's your pirate accent?"
"I'm not a real pirate..."
"Aha! I knew it! I suppose your real name isn't Marcia!"
"No, it is..."
"Oh..." Borias and Marcia were silent for a while. Borias looked at his watch. "Sooo, will you go on a date with me?" he asked.
"Umm... alright then."
"Cool, lets go." Then they went to McDonalds and had Happy Meals with pirate toys.

The End

Hey emalily!
Okay so basically this is a pretty basic storyline...
The conversation thye had was a bit... too random. Try making it flow a bit better.
Loved the first sentence. It was captivating. I loved the names too
Well that's it from me. All you really have to do is keep it flowing.
Good luck!
Smashles

Dear Smashles
Shut up
Love from emalily

Hey there!

First off, this was a very random piece so it was hard to take (and review) it seriously. And although it has laughing value, this doesn't have any real literary feel to it. However, I liked it. You have a nice sense of humor, you just need to improve on it.

Run your work through a spell check. There are some obvious little tidbits that could be fixed with a simple spell check. For example, I cought "conniving" spelled with a k. Don't worry, your grammar is pretty good. You just need to work on the spelling.

Third, this is mostly dialogue. We have no idea what the characters are thinking. We hear their words, but what are their emotions? What are their facial expressions when they are yelling at each other? Right now, the motives and the charactistics are not realistic, which is a turn off. If you make this more realistic, just a tad, I'd like this more. I would like to see the past of the characters and why the girl stole all the junk. Explain, little writer, explain.

Overall, good job! Keep up the writing.

Huggles,
Esther

PS. How would you like it if someone told you to shut up? This site is for polite coversation and writing, so even if you and smash are friends, don't say ungrateful things.

Thanks heaps
Smash is my sister haha and i said it with a smiley so it's ok