The Missing Season

I like the imagery. My question is, what does it gain from the line breaks? You're an expert poet (so I won't insult you with my normal level of critique ); how does your use of meter enhance this poem? It doesn't read jerkily, as such, but the form you've put it in doesn't really give it anything extra, for me, anyway.

Apart from that, which isn't really a criticism; more of a target

oh, yes - I thought perhaps the comma after '80' should be a semi-colon.

It's to give off the effect of a series of couplets: usually sweet, romantic ditties. Irony is the goal.


cocaine
white lightnin
packin the beak
...I've got a nose for these things. :)

white lightnin

Amen to the white shite.

My thus continued problem is that the fact that some verses carry on destroys this feeling. At least, I just felt like it was one big poem with extra line breaks.

I did get the theme, however 'twas clever.

it was very creative and clever, and i loved the point of view it was told from most of all.
for some odd reason, though, i didn't like it as much as your other work...
(i had to read it twice to understand it since i'm one of those highschool kids that say no. hah)

yeah, man, I love this. Stunning and shimmering, and what the hell else can I say? *Shrug* Extraordinarily mature comes to mind, language that drips with wisdom.