What I've Always Known

I never thought that love could sneak up on you so fast and suck you in. I wasn't ready for what hit me so hard in the chest that there was no way to deny it. The only thing that truly took my breath away, was who this boy i fell in love was.

The sweet smell of the ocean rushed to my face as i stood on my balcony. I always loved the view I had; the ocean to my left and a small road that led to the rest of the town on my right. Each morning, the sun shone through my window to wake me up reminding me that its a new day. The ocean would welcome me as I step out into the fresh morning with a breeze. And with the breeze I could always count on seeing Tristan jogging down the road to my house.

Tristan and I have been best friends ever since we were little kids. Once we got into 7th grade he would jog to my house every morning so we could go to school together. When we got into high school, nothing changed. Throughout high school we became closer than ever. The summer right before senior year changed everything though.

Just like I thought, Tristan came jogging down the street like every other day and I stood on the balcony waiting. When he reached my house, he walked in like he usually did. My parents were at work and left pancakes on the counter top which Tristan brought up. Something seemed different when he came through my door though. I noticed just how good looking he was. His smile was bright, his eyes so honest and his brown hair was messy but cute. I've never noticed these things about him before because he was always Tristan, my best friend.

"Hey Tera. Your mom left pancakes on the counter for us. I just thought I'd bring them up so we can eat," Tristan said placing the pancakes on my dresser and then embracing me for a hug. He smelled of sweat, the ocean and cinnamon. He towered over me buy a foot at 6 feet tall.

"Thanks Tristan. Pancakes sound good. How you-," I didn't finish what i said because Tristan was looking at me like he never had been. Before i could say anything he started talking to me.

"Tera, I know we've been friends forever but I just noticed how beautiful your chocolate brown eyes are and how you have dimples," he looked around the room, a little bit embarrassed, " I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry."

Something surged in me, something I've never felt. "Don't be sorry. I just realized that you are good looking. I've never felt anything like I have since I saw you running up. Its different. Finish what you were saying."

Tristan looked me directly in the eye and then i suddenly knew what I felt. Love. It hit me hard but I liked it. Soon enough, Tristan pulled me in for a kiss. His lips were soft against mine and it took my breath away. When he pulled away from me and looked at me with his bright smile, the next words changed my life entirely.

"Tera, I love you and I think I always have." And with that, he kissed me again.

Hey there!

What I like about this piece is that it's short. Shorter is almost always better; you stand a much better chance of not losing your audience when you're brief. So kudos for not dragging along.

My main problem here is that I don't get any real sense of originality. Best friends who fall in love/maybe they were in love all the time, but they just realize it one day completely out of the blue, and yay! Now they can kiss and be best friends who make out and yay for love! It just doesn't work for me. It doesn't make me feel anything. Who are these people? Why should I care? Why have they suddenly decided that they love each other? I almost get the sense that there was some kind of bizzare-o chemical in the pancakes and Tera and Tristain (the names are also a bit too cutesy for me too, by the way...) were hit by a wall of INESCAPABLE HORMONAL URGES.

That actually might be more interesting - if Tera's parents were scientists experimenting with the effects of different chemicals and the olfactory glands...

So make it your own!

I really love this story. You didnt make it a very long story. You told what you felt needed to be told instead of givng a boring history lesson like most writers often do. By doing this you kept me intrested and you didnt lose me at any point in the story. Keep doing what you doing!



DJ

My personal opinion on this is that you don't need that first paragraph. It's just telling us things that we should be reading about later in the story. I'm sure you've heard of that 'show, don't tell' rule, and it applies in most situations. You need to show things through action and dialogue, not tell us by just dumping a whole paragraph of explanation

This piece was nice and cute, although there was not a single element in it that I can honestly say I have not read elsewhere. You are a good writer, but I believe that your writing could be better if you worked more on the execution of your ideas. You wanted to show a story of two best friends ( a girl and a guy) who realize that they are in love with each other finally coming out and confessing their true feelings before starting a relationship. Therefore, get right into the scene. How the guy would jog to her house on the beach every morning isn't exactly important, nor did it interest me as a reader. Focus more on the feelings and shyness and subtleties of the moment. Add depth to your writing by getting more into the mind of the character.

Often what makes overused ideas still fun to read is the various ways writers find to go about telling the story. If you'd just spend more time romanticizing the moment instead of rushing to the kiss and "I love you" this would be a more enjoyable and rewarding read.

short, sweet and very well written. I love how Tristan just burst out with a description of her eyes and dimples, I found it quite amusing. Keep up the good work
Georgie

Hey there!! I'm gonna try my hardest to give you helpful comments!

xangeleighfshox wrote:I never thought that love could sneak up on you so fast and suck you in. I wasn't ready for what hit me so hard in the chest that there was no way to deny it. The only thing that truly took my breath away, was who this boy i fell in love with? was.

The sweet smell of the ocean rushed to my face as i stood on my balcony (i love the illustration in the words!). I always loved the view I had; the ocean to my left and a small road that led to the rest of the town on my right. Each morning, the sun shone through my window to wake me up reminding me that its a new day (you have amazing skills with illustrations, love it!). The ocean would welcome me as I step out into the fresh morning with a breeze. And with the breeze I could always count on seeing Tristan jogging down the road to my house.

More back ground details?

Tristan and I have been best friends ever since we were little kids. Once we got into 7th grade he would jog to my house every morning so we could go to school together. When we got into high school, nothing changed. Throughout high school we became closer than ever. The summer right before senior year changed everything though.

Just like I thought, Tristan came jogging down the street like every other day and I stood on the balcony waiting. When he reached my house, he walked in like he usually did. My parents were at work and left pancakes on the counter top which Tristan brought up. Something seemed different when he came through my door though. I noticed just how good looking he was. His smile was bright, his eyes so honest and his brown hair was messy but cute. I've never noticed these things about him before because he was always Tristan, my best friend.

"Hey Tera. Your mom left pancakes on the counter for us. I just thought I'd bring them up so we can eat," Tristan said placing the pancakes on my dresser and then embracing me for a hug. He smelled of sweat, the ocean and cinnamon. He towered over me buy (by?) a foot at 6 feet tall.

"Thanks Tristan. Pancakes sound good. How you-," I didn't finish what i said because Tristan was looking at me like he never had been. Before i could say anything he started talking to me.

I found it odd that both of them notice each other differently on the same day?

"Tera, I know we've been friends forever but I just noticed how beautiful your chocolate brown eyes are and how you have dimples," he looked around the room, a little bit embarrassed, " I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry."

Something surged in me, something I've never felt. "Don't be sorry. I just realized that you are good looking. I've never felt anything like I have since I saw you running up. Its different. Finish what you were saying."

Tristan looked me directly in the eye and then i suddenly knew what I felt. Love. It hit me hard but I liked it. Soon enough, Tristan pulled me in for a kiss. His lips were soft against mine and it took my breath away. When he pulled away from me and looked at me with his bright smile, the next words changed my life entirely.

Cheesy is always the best way to go!!

"Tera, I love you and I think I always have." And with that, he kissed me again.

Sorry the color I used didn't work. I really did love your story though! and I can't wait to read what you are gonna do next!