Alone2

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 3249
Reviews 8
Four years ago they disappeared
Like they never existed
Like I never heard about them
Like nothing happened in fourteen years ago
Nothing none zero not an atom of their goodness
The only thing remained for them was their shadow
The evil shadow I mean
The one that keeps Yelling at me for doing nothing
The one that is Injustice with me
The one that keeps abusing me for nothing
The one that said that "I hate you"
The one that was made to ruin my life
The one that made to make my life Miserable
The one that devoted his/her life to make sure i will never be happy
Yes that’s true no more Tenderness no more Kindness
Yes, no more Love no more Care no more good feelings
.......................................
In those four years
I have been trying to survive
To stay alive
After everything that evil shadow do to me
Staying strong no matter he/she do
And I did
Yes I did survive
I was strong
Until that moment that shocked me
Destroyed me ... smashed me
The moment when that evil shadow said
"Get the hell out of my house"
In that moment i got sure that the shadow got no need to me
Then I left
I left like nothing happened
With tears pouring down
Like a waterfall
I got into the taxi
Told the taxi driver “Just go please go"
i left everything behind me
Everything
Every good or bad Memory
Everything gone
Everything gone
Now am alone now am alone

Written by me
:)




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Points 37146
Reviews 556
Hello there :)

I personally think you should have stopped at the first part. I like how you manipulated your words to go around the poem, very creative even though some of the rhyming threw it off at some points.
There was just a lot of emotion you displayed. I think though that as it continued to the second part it just got a little tacky and the idea started to get worn out or over used and over exaggerated. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Keep writing
The best is what you make it!

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User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3249
Reviews 8
ziggiefred wrote:Hello there :)

I personally think you should have stopped at the first part. I like how you manipulated your words to go around the poem, very creative even though some of the rhyming threw it off at some points.
There was just a lot of emotion you displayed. I think though that as it continued to the second part it just got a little tacky and the idea started to get worn out or over used and over exaggerated. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Keep writing

Thank you i will do better next time i promise haha
:)



Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
— John Milton (Poet)