Awful Fury

Screaming mimes
Quiet erupting into awful fury
Sound barriers broken
By the swift screaming pulse
Pain, purification, only partway there
Sensations gone
Only stinging bees and numbing angels
Bottled, thick green glass and all,
Into my head, throbbing like a heart
A whirlwind of hornets and dust formed pains
Fabric torn with a brutal rage
With claws savagely sharpened
Fabric of a reality, of a life,
Something that mattered
Now broken under foot
Smashed to fiberglass pieces
Stuck in your fingers like little sharp stones
Piercing, grinding, needles under your skin
Niggling reminders
Never allowing your thoughts to dull or sharp
Metallic hurt filling your
Body
Mind
and Soul.

Hello there and welcome to YWS!

Well, I really did not understand this, I don't know if Im not looking at it right so I'll base this review on what I think I grasp okay.
Don't panic, because I think I get it. The first three lines are just well written but then after that I don't know what's going on. Maybe you could explain a bit because I'm looking for the "fury" in the poem but what I can make out is screaming in the literal sense. I think that your writing style is great.
PM me if I'm misunderstanding something

Keep writing

Hm... Well I kinda agree with the comment above. I'm a tad confused, I do see an awful fury though, so I guess you got that nailed down. But it was, in my opinion, just a list of angry things that would make the reader feel surrounded by "fury". And if so, great job lol! If not, I'm sorry I didn't get it.
...Don't get me wrong, I thought this was pretty kool! Just a tad confusing

Hey. I enjoyed this poem the anger and fury throughout is obvious and simply shown though with a confusing but good style of writing. It seems you do as I write down what comes into your head, it could be in keeping with the whole of the poem or an abstract metaphor or description or incident. I like how you mix up the style of writing by noting what's wrong and the feelings then tripling to show all the different emotions and pains that come along with the whole thing. I think at times some might say the poem lacks direction but I don't think poems nesecerily need a 'direction' as they are they own things and sometimes a puzzle. I think yours is a bit of a puzzle but with an easy message, motive or meaning which is just pure anger and fury. It's a good poem but I'm sure you could do better well done. I'd appreciate it if you could check out some of mine sometimes and maybe give me some feedback , thanks.

So, I had to read through this poem a couple times because there was so much in it. It confused me at first, but I think I got it in the end. I'm guessing that it's about that kind of rage that is inside you for so long that it bursts with an awful fury and all the imagery in your poem was explaining it. I like how you grouped things in the poem such as naming something like the fabric line and then explaining it a little further. My only suggestion would be to add more punctuation.

Hi Persephoneia,

Punctuation! Where is it? You might think that it's not as important in poetry, but believe me, it is. Without it, the reader doesn't know when to pause, slow down, or rest. And hence right now, when you read it, it's a mess to understand, because it's choppy, and without flow. The sound of a poem is just as important as the words, perhaps more so, and you have not really taken that into consideration.

You've got some pretty cool images in here, though. I felt the rage coming through in your expressions, "whirlwind of hornets" being a particular highlight. But describing fury is all well and good -- what's the point of this though? What are you trying to say? It needs to be more than just a static description, a fleeting exploration of an emotion. The reader has to have more than that.

Well, like awful fury, this piece is just exploding in any direction without a clear message. It's like watching a nouveau art film that just focuses on a million different 1 second clips. It could have more potential if you drove home point. Like here:

Fabric of a reality, of a life,
Something that mattered
Now broken under foot

would have been an opportunity to make it more concrete and understandable.

Also, in order to make it more focused, you'd have to cut out some of the images. Shave it down to the essential ones, because after that broken under foot line, it just seems to drag on with more examples of things that make you angry/annoyed/aggravated/other A words.

Lastly, some adjectives could have been left out, as they seem like just a dogpile of angry adjectives. Like "savagely", "brutal", etc.