The People of Heaven

The People of Heaven

Into the sinister alley,
Under rainfall,
Hail and howling wind,
Tearful mother,

Switchblade in the closet,
Hopeless case,
Tattered clothes on the clothes line,

Through the hallways,
Invisible, Inconspicuous alien,
With the rainbow banner,
Sick and perverted,

Head banged on the Porsche window,
Screams heard from the steam-room,
Busy parents too far to hear,

Desolated warehouse,
Fire flickers on the walls,
Smoke wisps in the air,
Coughs and giggles,

Conceived on the corner,
Highway, Byway kids,
Kids of children,

Are these the people of heaven?
Are these really Yours,
Why, oh God,
Do you show me these?

Am I totally confused?
Is this some false vision?
Or was I just wrong?
About everything?

Dear Lord,
Forgive me

--
Inspired by the song Wish You Well by Thousand Foot Krutch,
What did you think guys? Do the tenses concord?

Jesus loves you Really.

I take issue with a couple things but screw it they're not important.

Anyways, this was very... well, good.

It all read smoothly enough without being cumbersome in it's message or point, and everything flowed evenly enough that the varying images still held strong and connected by the overwhelming sense of abandon, degradation, abuse.

It struck me, though, that the repetition of the 'oh God' parts seemed just a bit unnecessary, and the repetition of snippets of an earlier line towards the end seemed superfluous to me, really, like not really as effective as all the previous lines.

Anyways, keep it up, would love to read more.

Jesus loves you ^_^ (Catholic here)

I actually found it a bit offending... not towards me personally. As a poem it's great, but I wouldn't shout it out in public.
I like your use of symbolism, but again many might find it offending.

Just a thought(Agnostic here)

Then again I'm sure some would find my views offending.
Carry on.

I liked this (: I'm Christian but I don't find this offending at all. It's completely true, well most of it. I loved the entire poem. How did you come up with all this? It's really awesome. Like Eraqio said, it held a very strong sense of something...I don't have a word for it, but it's something dark and almost challenging. Yeah I don't really know...anyways, I loved the way you used your words and ideas...WELL DONE!

I realize I am a new member. So, if what I say is out of line please let me know.

It is a poem. So as long as it was heartfelt, it remains a work of art whether the offense was meant or not. It may be just me but I took it as a insult towards young parents and gays. Both of which can and in alot of cases do have faith in and worship the Lord. I am neither and I lack it.

It was a good poem... but try to keep the insults to a minimum. I liked your symbolism even if I didn't appreciate the way it was used.

And if I completely misunderstood the point of the poem please let me know.

Thanks