Apology

We are a kind of many sins
And few qualities to redeem us
Whether we meant well matters not
After all, who would believe us?

Contaminating Mother Earth
And poisoning Her skies
We have wounded Her so terribly…
Acidic tears She cries

Killing our furred and winged brethren
For trophies to hang upon our wall
Trading the forests that fuel our breath
For flames that deplete it makes no sense at all

Tell me why not everyone can see it this way
Tell me why can we not change
Tell me it is not too late
Tell me hope is within our range

I mourn for those lost through war and plague
But simultaneously I wonder
Are we truly that worse off
With one less Human blunder

The damage we have caused this place
Will never entirely disappear
The reparations we can do
Would take the work of many a year

As the wet drips down my face
I must apologize
Not just for them, but me as well
For we all are guilty of our crimes

I thought this poem had a really nice theme, everything rolled together pretty smoothly and your descriptions were very good, I only had a few things I didn't like, including your small uses of comas and punctuation- that annoyed me a little but different poems are set up differently so I guess it doesn't make that big of a difference.

We are a kind of many sins
And few qualities to redeem us
Whether we meant well matters not
After all, who would believe us?

Contaminating Mother Earth
And poisoning Her skies
We have wounded Her so terribly…
Acidic tears She cries

Killing our furred and winged brethren
For trophies to hang upon our wall
Trading the forests that fuel our breath
For flames that deplete it makes no sense at all

Tell me why not everyone can see it this way ] These two lines seemed very awkward to me.
Tell me why can we not change]
Tell me it is not too late
Tell me hope is within our range

I mourn for those lost through war and plague
But simultaneously I wonder[,]
Are we truly that worse off
With one less Human blunder[?] and why is human capitalized?

The damage we have caused this place
Will never entirely disappear
The reparations we can do
Would take the work of many a year

As the wet drips down my face
I must apologize
Not just for them, but me as well
For we all are guilty of our crimes


Overall I really enjoyed this piece, you captured the way we are destroying our own world perfectly, keep it up!

Phoenix lands for a review

Whether we meant well matters not
After all, who would believe us?

This a bit confusing.
Meant well at doing what?
And who is there to believe us if you're talking about human kind? Aliens?

Contaminating Mother Earth
And poisoning Her skies
We have wounded Her so terribly…
Acidic tears She cries

I like this stanza a lot. The last line being my favorite . Brilliant.

Killing our furred and winged brethren
For trophies to hang upon our wall
Trading the forests that fuel our breath
For flames that deplete it makes no sense at all

Considering the recent oil spill I think you could allude to that.

Tell me why not everyone can see it this way
Tell me why can we not change
Tell me it is not too late
Tell me hope is within our range

Nice repetition.


Overall I liked it. I think you cold have maybe made it a little shorter because save mother earth poems can get preachy after awhile so you might want to think about condensing and combing stanzas. The imagery was really good.

Phoenix flies away

Loved this so much. This is probably my favorite poem I've ever read on Young Writers Society. Just don't get too...preachy. These mother nature poems can get a little like that after a while. But I really feel that you've got your point across. Keep on writing!

Re: PheonixBishop

Whether we meant well matters not
After all, who would believe us?

This a bit confusing.
Meant well at doing what?
And who is there to believe us if you're talking about human kind? Aliens?

I was referring to medicines and and other "useful" technology and ideas that hurt (more than helped) the world. Personally, I wonder if we were better off without medicines entirely. "Disasters", like disease and famine. help to control the human population.

As to who would believe us, I think of us Humans(and yes the capitalization is intended) as beings whose one 'advantage' makes them less 'intelligent' than those of nature. In other words I believe animal, plants, and the like superior to Humans. Therefore it is their opinion I referred to. Aliens, though would also wonder... at least I think they would.

Re: VioletJune

I mourn for those lost through war and plague
But simultaneously I wonder[,]
Are we truly that worse off
With one less Human blunder[?] and why is human capitalized?

I suppose using it as a sentence would make it make more sense.
"I mourn for those lost through war and plague, but simultaneously I wonder: Are we truly that worse off with one less Human blunder?"
Is that a bit better?
As to the 'H'uman thing, it is because we tend to think of ourselves as important.

I think preachiness is a matter of opinion... I did want to keep going... and going.

To add to my previous post.. Thank you for your reviews!!!